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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is my niece rude?

64 replies

Klingyston · 14/05/2013 07:55

Strictly speaking husband's niece. Came to stay at weekend. Age 19, at university. Sniffed a lot and refused a tissue when I offered her one - then said it was because of the house dust! Brought 1 pot of taramasalata and seemed to think she had contributed majorly to the household economy. Kept talking about the fact she was sleeping with her boyfriend and how he was pissed and threwup all night in front of my children. Wanted me to do her washing - just pointed her to the machine. Seemed to expect cups of tea put in front of her. Quite good with the children otherwise. Said she had no interest in elections and who ran the country - after years at an expensive public school - quite worrying.
or is it me?

OP posts:

dingit · 14/05/2013 07:57

Yes, thoughtless and has a bit of growing up to do!

bigTillyMint · 14/05/2013 07:58

Hmm, she sounds a bit self-obsessed and immature, but other than that probably quite normal for a 19 year old! Perhaps her public school education was wasted?

Smudging · 14/05/2013 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chipsbigbowl · 14/05/2013 08:01

Annoying but seems like normal 19 y/o behaviour to me. Ignore ignore ignore.

HorryIsUpduffed · 14/05/2013 08:04

Sounds 19 to me, desperately trying to sound more grownup than she is.

cozietoesie · 14/05/2013 08:05

19 year old behaviour - just grit your teeth and carry on. (I think the fact that she was good with your DCs is cause for some hope - she didn't need to try so hard with them, so that's likely her underlying character coming out.)

MammaTJ · 14/05/2013 08:12

Very normal for 19. She will grow out of it.

Theas18 · 14/05/2013 08:16

Normal 19yr old!

SkinnybitchWannabe · 14/05/2013 08:19

Very rude imo.
Im glad I wasn't a 'normal' 19 year old..my Mum wouldn't have put up with that, but I did move out at 19!

wankerchief · 14/05/2013 08:19

We had dh's 18 year old sister to stay recently, she came with 3 bags for life of washing and said ' be carefull when you iron it all as some of it burns quick'

She was really shocked when i told her it was rude and showed her the washing machine

lottiegarbanzo · 14/05/2013 08:25

Self-absorption normal at that age.

House dust comment means she's sensitive, not that your house is dusty.

Would expect someone privately educated to be better trained at gift-giving. Have met plenty of boarding school kids who are utterly dependent and not so much expect to be waited on as have little concept of anything else.

teenagetantrums · 14/05/2013 08:26

I have a 19 year old DS and he goes and looks after his young cousins for my sister if she has to work nights, he cooks their food cleans up ect and is very good housework and washing wise, but he would never think to buy any food and would quite happily eat and drink her out of house and home without thinking about the cost..

Fairenuff · 14/05/2013 08:27

I would speak to her about inappropriate comments/language in front of the children but the rest is easily sorted. Does she feel 'at home' in your house? Does she feel free to help herself to food and drink or washing facilities, for example? You could have a friendly chat with her over a cup of tea and set out the house rules:

She can do her own washing and tidy up after herself
She can plan, shop for, pay for and cook one family meal a week
She can be responsible for a bit of housework, such as hoovering or gardening
She can babysit or otherwise occupy the children in return for her keep...

That sort of thing, whatever suits you. If she only stays occasionally, then adapt the rules. How would you normally treat weekend houseguests?

Btw if she is your dh's niece, she is yours too by marrige.

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 14/05/2013 08:30

She's 19

A nice short sharp kick up the backside and job done.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM · 14/05/2013 08:34

the self centred bit, normal 19 yo.

the rest, rude but a result of her mindset. I'm sure if you set ground rules she will tow the line. sounds like she is very comfortable in your company and overstepped the line because of this.

anewyear · 14/05/2013 08:41

with AgreeHorryIsUpduffed..

Bogeyface · 14/05/2013 08:49

This reminds me of a story my friend used to tell of when she was at private school. She was a day pupil but her then best friend was a boarder. She came to spend the weekend with my friend and when asked to help with the washing didnt have a clue. She had to be taught how to wash up and asked my friends mum "Who does your laundry?" as she had no concept of doing it oneself!

According to my friend, she is still fairly hopeless now, but married well and has staff!

coralanne · 14/05/2013 08:51

Can't believe that most people think this is normal behavour for a 19 year old.

At 19 my DD had purchased her own home, was attending University full time and had a 6 month old DD.

Mind you, she did have several people knocking at the door and asking "Is your Mother home" when she answered.

Corygal · 14/05/2013 08:56

Not wildly bright, to be honest. That's normal.

Haggisfish · 14/05/2013 08:58

It is quite normal, but easily remedied I would have thought. You could certainly ask her not to talk about inappropriate things in front of your children - she just won't have thought, probably. I feel quite awkward making cups of tea in other people's houses that I am visiting - did you make it clear she could do that and then ask her for a cup at some point, so she has to make it?! Again, might not want to just use someone else's washing machine - I would have shown her how it works and told her best time to use it. Dusty house - would have been no offence intended, just didn't realise you would take it personally. no interest in politics - well, that includes over half the adult population, too, so that wouldn't bother me either way.

Hiphopopotamus · 14/05/2013 08:59

She does sound a bit thoughtless - however, she was visiting from university just for the weekend, as a 19 year old - how much did you want her to contribute to the household food shop?

Most students I know go away for the weekend just to eat a free proper meal!

sweetmelissa · 14/05/2013 09:01

Identical behaviour to my children when they were 19 (well, on a good day - bad days were another matter altogether). A few years later and they grew out of it though.

ratspeaker · 14/05/2013 09:05

I'm surprised many think this is normal behaviour, maybe it is for public school education. In that case I'm glad my children had their education at state school.
At 19 both my DDs had their own flats, did their own shopping, housekeeping and would have been told what an idiot thier boyfriend was to drink so much.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 14/05/2013 09:06

Really glad I was a weirdo at 19 and didnt behave that way! Fingers crossed my DC are as weird as I was for their sakes as I wont be putting up with such shitty attitudes!

As for not contributing towards the food bill for a weekend- wtf?! I dont think I've ever expected anyone visitng us for such a short time to contribute towards the weekly shop, least of all a probably skint student

wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/05/2013 09:08

DPs sister is 20 (I think) and she is this exactly. Except she went to state school. Instead of the sex shes very religious, a vegetarian, and her life is, like, totes amazeballs.

She speaks to DP like hes shit on her shoe most of the time. I go through phases of liking her and then wanting to slap her with a wet fish.

Sounds normal to me.

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