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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this mother was cruel?

23 replies

ariane5 · 13/05/2013 21:15

Took dd2 to pre school this morning and as she was waiting to go in people were also making their way into the music class (pre school is in a childrens centre).

A little girl aged about 2 was crying and didn't want to go in, her mum kept chasing after her and bringing her back but she was trying to run off to a different room. The mum started to get annoyed and began shouting at her "don't go in there-the doctor is waiting to give you a big injection in that room".

She still kept running off so she said again "its a big injection it will really hurt" etc untill her daughter cried and went into the music room.

Dd looked horrified at all this and kept looking at me and I had to take her in to the pre school room upset, the little girl was clearly frightened and it seemed really unnecessary to scare a child like that.

AIBU to think it was a bit cruel or am I just being judgey?

OP posts:

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 13/05/2013 21:17

YANBU - She is setting her child up for years of being scared of Doctors, it wont work well for her if she needs to get her child to hospital.

FJL203 · 13/05/2013 21:18

Did it work?

littlepeas · 13/05/2013 21:19

Well, it is ridiculously stupid of her to make her dd afraid of doctors! And yes, it was unkind too.

CrapBag · 13/05/2013 21:20

YANBU.

She will have fun trying to get her to have her booster next year and any other injections in the future. Idiot woman.

It bothers me when people use scare tactics like that that will ultimately end up giving the child a real fear.

Original poster

ariane5 · 13/05/2013 21:21

It worked yes but my dd was upset too she was diagnosed as diabetic in dec and has 4 injections a day and I think it bothered her quite a lot. She is ok having injections herself but last week when all 4 dcs had mmr she was crying that it would hurt her brothers and sister so think it was a bit much for her.

OP posts:

ShadowStorm · 13/05/2013 21:22

YANBU.

Unkind, and if she's using doctors as a threat, it'll backfire badly on her if her DD ever needs medical treatment.

IvorHughJarse · 13/05/2013 21:24

Maybe it was the first thing that came into her head?
Meh, it's horrible when you're trying to drop off your child and go and it's all going wrong and there are parents everywhere whose children aren't buggering about. It was a stupid thing to say but sometimes people say stupid things when they feel under pressure.

flyingspaghettimonster · 13/05/2013 21:25

My Mum told me that the rumbling noise in the London underground and the flashing lights you sometimes saw when another train was passing through a tunnel just out of sight were dragons. That if I crossed over the line when the train wasn't already stopped and waiting, it could come roaring out and gobble me up.

It worked - I didn't go over the line, I was mildly scared of the tunnels, but I grew out of it. Scare tactics can work well in some situations.

ShadowStorm · 13/05/2013 21:27

Bit different scaring your child with a dragon, though.

Children don't have to visit dragons when they're ill or have had an accident.

Original poster

ariane5 · 13/05/2013 21:30

Part of me wanted to say something but I didn't want to cause a scene. It was just really horrible seeing the child scared and for dd to hear it all.

OP posts:

FJL203 · 13/05/2013 21:30

I don't think that the mother can be held responsible for having that effect upon your daughter unless she was aware of your child's unusual medical history, ariane.

So it worked. Good. I bet the mother was fed up with all the running back and forth and being disobeyed.

Re the other child, it's not the end of the world and not cruel. There seems to be an odd interpretation of the word these days. Withholding food is cruel. Becoming tired and irritated with a child who's repeatedly been told no and brought back to where she should be and who repeatedly runs off again might reasonably cause a parent to act in an unusual way. When I was a kid it was the bogeyman. I'm not traumatised for life and I don't have any phobias associated with it. Yes, it might cause a future fear of doctors in this child but that's subjective, isn't it?

All credit to your brave daughter though. This adult is not good with injections (despite having no childhood encounters with needles at all!), so for a little child to be so calm deserves special praise.

FJL203 · 13/05/2013 21:32

"Bit different scaring your child with a dragon, though.

Children don't have to visit dragons when they're ill or have had an accident."

They might have to get on a tube to go there though, ShadowStorm.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 13/05/2013 21:32

FJL I think shouting that near any child would make them nervous, I mean come on, actually shouting about injections really hurting when most parents try and tell their kids if they have an injection it wont hurt much?

Original poster

ariane5 · 13/05/2013 21:34

Dd2 aside though, at some point all the other children that were present will have to have an injection at some point and it just seemed like a silly thing to be threatening a child with.

I can understand she wanted her dd to go into the music class but she was so loud and sounded really threatening it was just awkward and unpleasant

OP posts:

RiotsNotDiets · 13/05/2013 21:35

intentionally causing distress to a toddler is cruel FLJ

FJL203 · 13/05/2013 21:37

The OP wasn't talking about any child - assuming the other children were actively listening and not zoned out, talking about their latest toy or new shoes or whathaveyou. SchroSaw. She was talking about her child, and her child's circumstances are unusual.

Again, it's subjective. Not all parents introduce the injection as something which doesn't hurt much, not all children have injections, not all children would take on board and stress about that fear.

I don't suppose all these things were foremost in the other parent's mind anyway, as she retreived her disobedient child from the wrong doorway for the umpeenth time.

FJL203 · 13/05/2013 21:39

Riots, we'll have to agree to differ on the definition of cruelty. It may come in the category of "not the wisest move" or possibly "not the kindest move" but I reserve the word "cruelty" for more serious actions.

Birdsgottafly · 13/05/2013 22:08

If the Mother was shouting and being ignored then the girl isn't frightened of her Mum. Children who are scared of their parents don't run off, so you may have interpreted the Mother as "threatening", but clearly the child didn't. She might be using the Children's Centre to learn how to parent better and I agree that it isn't cruelty, it is ineffective parenting. Not everyone knows how to parent, usually because they don't have good examples to go by.

Birdsgottafly · 13/05/2013 22:08

Birdsgottafly · 13/05/2013 22:14

The Mother wasn't "intentionally causing distress", she was trying to get the child to behave, she was just not doing it well. Children become immune to shouting, again it isn't good, so it suggests that she is out of her depth, if she was cruel, that child would behave. I see the victim's of cruel parenting, they are the best behaved children when their parents are around.

Smudging · 13/05/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiotsNotDiets · 13/05/2013 22:22

she was trying to get the child to behave by intentionally causing distress (which is cruel according to the dictionary ).

TwistTee · 13/05/2013 22:29

It was a rather daft thing to say but hardly cruel and how many of us can say we haven't said daft things when stressed out.
I recently freaked out at my 4yr old dd for running off into the woods where I couldn't see her and not coming back when I called. In my panic I asked her if she wanted a bad man to take her away from mummy forever. Not my wisest moment but then less than a month before a man had attacked a woman in the same woods and in that moment I had a choice of leaving the baby on the pavement and chasing after her or panicking and shouting the dumbest thing to get her back.

Give the woman a break. She probably felt bad enough about it afterwards.

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