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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I should sort out old baby clothes before handing them on?

47 replies

hedgehogpickle · 13/05/2013 09:54

My BIL & SIL have a DD who is 4-5 months older than ours. We were delighted to receive a bag of handmedowns from them after a couple of months - at first. However when I went through the bag, more than half of the things they had given us were for a new baby so already too small for our DD or not suitable for the cold weather and would also be outgrown by the summer.

There were also a couple of "special" items (knitted by grandparents or bought with particular relevance by my BIL/SIL). I was a bit surprised they hadn't wanted to keep them so I asked if they'd been included accidently. I was told "use them as much as you want but please don't get rid of them". These were just returned immediately so I didn't worry about losing them or them getting damaged.

Although I'm probably being a quite ungrateful, I also feel like we've been used as a bit of a dumping ground for stuff so they don't have to sort out/store it/find another home for it. So now I have to! We don't know anyone else having a baby to pass it onto and even if we did, I think I would sort things out to some degree so they are at the very least age appropriate for the recipient and not give away stuff I knew I would eventually want back. So AIBU or is this just the (admittedly small!) price to pay for receiving handmedowns?

Also, does anyone know any charities etc that would accept donations of clothes? Our local highstreet charity shops aren't interested.

OP posts:

FrancesHouseman · 13/05/2013 09:59

No, I'd let you go through it and decide for yourself and I wouldn't be offended if you gave me stuff back straight away. Otherwise, all the high street charity shops near me take baby clothes or I would give them to Wood St Mission (charity near me) or offer them to the health visitor.

I'd call it as the 'price to pay' for hand-me-downs.

Wishwehadgoneabroad · 13/05/2013 10:01

Most sure start centres will gladly take baby clothes off your hands.

Or just dump them in the 'clothes' bins at Asda etc.

Definitely the small price to pay for receiving handmedowns - think of the money you've saved!

Don't see your issue really

SirBoobAlot · 13/05/2013 10:01

You sound ungrateful to be honest. They passed on a bag of things to you, and even if only half of them are suitable, that's half a bag of clothes you don't have to buy.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/05/2013 10:01

I do think you're being a bit ungrateful to be honest. They are doing you a favour by passing things on and you always need to go through bags to check what is suitable. If the charity shops are not interested then why not recycle anything you don't want into a charity recycle bin or Children's Centres often have sales of baby clothes.

comelywenchlywoo · 13/05/2013 10:03

I would have sorted out hand-me-downs before passing them on, but I wouldn't ben annoyed if someone else didn't. I think it's just part and parcel of hand-me-downs. Some things will be suitable, some will not - that's how it is.

All my local high street charity shops are always displaying "we are desperate for donations" signs!! You could check out the supermarket or local council recycling area. Often they have a clothing bank for the Salvation Army or similar.

redskyatnight · 13/05/2013 10:03

If I had to sort clothes before handing them on, I would never get round to handing them on.

I always hand on clothes with the caveat that they may not be suitable and/or might be very worn.

You never know what people will want anyway. I had a friend who love small baby clothes although her baby was too big for them, as they they were just right for babies/teddy bears. And another friend who happily took my DC's very worn T-shirts as ideal for painting in.

tomatoplantproject · 13/05/2013 10:08

You sound really ungrateful - you will save a fortune not having to buy things, and just think of the time you spend sorting out stuff as the time you would have spent shopping for baby clothes.

I have been given a ton of stuff - I say thank you and put the stuff I don't want to one side. I certainly would not want to offend my friend and not have any more of her handmedowns! Once we are done with having children the whole lot will go to friends/charity shop. But if I were to give stuff to a friend and then told that I should have spent more time sorting clothes out beforehand I would never give them anything again.

Mintyy · 13/05/2013 10:10

Yes, you are being ungrateful.

Original poster

hedgehogpickle · 13/05/2013 10:17

Thanks for the replies - thought that this would be the general consensus! The only thing I would say is that we haven't saved "a fortune" through getting these second hand clothes as we couldn't use the majority of what they gave us. I will now stop whining and pop the clothes off to the supermarket donations bin - thanks for that suggestion, didn't even think about it!

OP posts:

HaughtyCulture · 13/05/2013 10:22

YANBU. It sounds as though they are using you as somewhere to dump all their unwanted stuff/someone to sort through things for them under the guise of 'doing you a favour'

When my middle DC was little a friend of a friend kept giving me bag after bag of baby clothes, bedding, secondhand shoes, socks, and underwear, all random sizes, all faded and torn, and some were for boys (my DC2 is a girl!). I think she was just using me as somewhere to offload all the stuff she didn't want in her house. In the end I had to tell her to stop giving me stuff.

I'm all for secondhand clothes but not secondhand bags full of shit

Molehillmountain · 13/05/2013 10:23

We've been lucky enough to receive loads of hand me downs. I see it that if we're lucky enough to receive them, the least we can do is to sort them out and pass on those we don't need. I will be working on that principle myself when I hand them on! I'm afraid I won't be ironing folding beautifully and age sorting them.

Molehillmountain · 13/05/2013 10:26

Oh-and if you don't like what comes, then a polite "oh, that's so kind but we've got plenty at the moment" will suffice. One lady used to give us stuff that was just not wearable and so that's what we said in the end. It's quite a big deal for some, handing on clothes, as it marks the end of an era. There's no need to either take stuff you don't want or hurt someone's feelings.

rootypig · 13/05/2013 10:26

ehh, yanbu. Sorting through possessions tonnes of crap is one of the most miserable parts of life and often has me fantasising about renouncing material comfort for a cave. They are definitely fobbing this job off onto you. Whether I thought this was a fair price to pay for the clothes would depend on the clothes. It's the bit about taking care of / returning certain things that would me. what a pita.

BennettsBiscuit · 13/05/2013 10:29

I don't 'borrow' any baby stuff. If people want to keep it they should do just that! You never know what might happen to baby clothes and render them unusable. Also how the chuff do you remember which of 500 vests was "our Liam's that I brought him home in omg I can't believe you gave it away!" etc.

Grateful for hand me downs though, just sort through, keep what you like and donate/recycle the rest :-) YAnbu really.

flossymuldoon · 13/05/2013 10:30

Baffled that you don't feel you're being ungrateful!

You haven't 'saved a fortune' from this bag but if they continue to hand things onto you it will save you a fortune in the long term!
I have never had any hand-me-downs and would have been really grateful for even a couple of things, especially when my DH was out of work and DS grew out of everything overnight.

MTBMummy · 13/05/2013 11:42

I consider myself very lucky, in that there are a couple of local mums who DD's are a couple of years older than mine, and they're always passing on the clothes their DD's have grown out of, or stuff they've found during a loft clear out, so I still get given new born stuff in a bag with 4-5 stuff.

I just hang on to it, as I've found another 2 families who I pass my stuff onto and when they're done they pass it back to me. we all add new stuff and other hand me downs and we now have a huge array of lovely clothes that we all get to use.

Jengnr · 13/05/2013 11:56

We've been given nearly everything and it's a total godsend. You have to sort through it anyway to put it away so what's the issue?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 13/05/2013 12:19

YANBU my sister does this. I think she just makes a clean sweep of the drawers...chucks it all in a black bag and hands it to me via my Mum. I go through and find half the stuff has holes or stains. I then have to recycle HER crap. I know it is nice to get hand me downs but I literally get two things that are wearable and twenty bits of shite.

She does this with toys too...sends bags of stuff which she doesn't want her DC having...like a got a MASSIVE hamper full of those Bratz dolls and tiny, teeny bits and piece to go withem. I don't want my DDs playing with those and she didn't want HERS playing with them either...a friend gave them to her anshe gave them to me!

EggsMichelle · 13/05/2013 12:36

YABU, if you don't want any clothes, just say you don't want/need them, don't bitch about it. I accept hand me downs from two friends in varying degree of size/quality/cleanliness, I just sort through what I want and what can be binned/charity. I then send on clothes to my DSis (nephew 5m younger than DS), I wash them and keep them in the right size, but it's up to her what she keeps and what she sends straight back to me.

AMumInScotland · 13/05/2013 12:50

The bit that would piss me off is the "you mustn't get rid of" certain items which they hadn't bothered to label up or make you aware of. If things are a gift then they are yours from that moment onwards, to use/give away/throw out/whatever. They can't expect you to keep things in good condition and remember to hand them back afterwards, unless it was something like a one-off party dress or christening gown that had been specifically mentioned.

But sorting out sizes and seasons is part of the cost of getting hand-me-downs.

MrsDeVere · 13/05/2013 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Molehillmountain · 13/05/2013 13:27

I always define terms when being offered stuff-I ask whether they'd like me to pass it on or pass it back when we're done. "Pass it back" stuff gets put straight in the loft. I can't bear the stress of trying to keep stuff nice, although its obviously not my aim to trash all of my dc's clothes! I do have one friend where the understanding is that what's worth passing back I will, but she has kept anything that really mattered to her. Perfect!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 13/05/2013 13:28

MrsDevere my sister gave me some pretty limp summer dressed for my DDs when we went abroad in the winter and she asked for them back when we'd finished...I didn't really want them then as I'd be stressing incase the DDs wrecked them more than they already were!

MrsDeVere · 13/05/2013 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Patchouli · 13/05/2013 13:41

Don't worry, you won't get much more with that little age gap, they won't grow out of stuff in time to pass it on.

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