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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my MIL to change days?

18 replies

MommyBird · 11/05/2013 14:59

I posted a few weeks ago about my MIL and how she refuses to catch a bus down once a week, to our house to see her grand-daughter. (soon to be grand daughters! :))
They have a car now, she can drive. only FIL can. she finishes early from work about 1/2 weekdays, its about a 30 min bus ride..if that..she works by the bus station and thw bus stop is outside (more or less) our frint door.. shes 41, not old or disabled.
My hubby has had a promotion at work..more hours..im 28 weeks pregnant.
Ok thats a bit of back ground info :)

for the past 2/3ish weeks shes been coming down on a saturday as its the only day her husband can bring her down in the car and is suitable for her.
However, its not for us. My husband is a postie and is up very early on a saturday..im pregnant, i have spd, and the past few days have been seeing floating spots, my doc says its low blood sugar and im apparently doing too much..anyway, i go food shopping with my mom on a saturday morning with my daughter who's 3, and im sure you know how fab shopping is with a 3year old..i do the housework and stuff early too.

So the past few saturday afternoons im so sleepy,
ive had to have a nap when they come down as i start tea at about 4. This isnt fair apparently as my husband has to 'deal with them' by himself..so im thinking of asking if my MIL can start coming down once on a weekday afternoon as its SO much better and easier for us..the only inconvience is she will have to catch the bus down to our house..my hubby has said he will take her back.

Should i feel guilty? Our weekends arn't relaxing at all haha we have a spare room that needs stripping, cleaning, painting, carpet down and then move our baby's stuff in..weve got 12 weeks left..we have alot to sort really.
Any advice?

OP posts:

DeepRedBetty · 11/05/2013 15:01

I read your previous thread. Of course yanbu.

MissTapestry · 11/05/2013 15:03

If your DH is moaning about having to deal with his parents by himself then HE should be the one to ask her to change days. Other than that, YANBU.

thebody · 11/05/2013 15:04

Does your mil suffer from anxiety?

My dh used to and it became impossible for him to sit on a bus as he felt claustrophobic.

Only I knew this, he never once mentioned it to his family.

You may not know the whole picture.

Also she probably wants to see her son as well as you and the grand children. If she came in the week she would miss him.

Why are you shopping? In a sat morning? maddness!!!Get your dh to do this on an evening while you rest and dd is in bed!!

TigOldBitties · 11/05/2013 15:06

Your DH should ask her to change the days.

Also you should internet shop, going shopping when pregnant, with a 3 year old on a saturday is madness just get it all delivered.

olivia41 · 11/05/2013 15:09

No, YANBU! You have way more considerations going on - it's lovely that she comes to see you all, but can you not suggest that she at least alternates between a weekday and a Saturday (as a compromise)? Can't see the problem with getting a bus once a week... good luck!

Original poster

MommyBird · 11/05/2013 15:17

She doesnt suffer with anxiety, i do tho, have for about 3 years and still had to catch the bus to work. ive had councilling and im alot better :)
she catches a bus to and from work every day.
My hubby finishes at about 2/3ish on a weekday so would be back in time to see her, he's picked her up once a week and took her home for 3..nearly 4 years now but cause of his promotion at work(more hours) he is unable to pick her up but can still take her home.
I actually love food shopping ahah! Saturday is the only day my mom is off really and we go shopping without the men..its much easier! Spend double but havn't got the men moaning ;) haha x

OP posts:

IneedAsockamnesty · 11/05/2013 15:18

Yanbu.

But you know without a shadow of a doubt she will not agree to get the bus down and will create drama so why bother?

Original poster

MommyBird · 11/05/2013 15:24

Thats exactly why i asked advice.
I'd feel guilty that she doesnt come down, but then the other half of me is abit like..its her own fault for not wanting to come down? If she wanted to see her grand child that much she would make the effort, if she was old or it was miles away i would feel different..
But its not..its just she cba.

I might see if she can alternate, thats a good idea..atleast then we can get the spare room sorted one of the saturdays! :')

OP posts:

IneedAsockamnesty · 11/05/2013 15:38

Or the other way of looking at it is that its your dh's issue for not wanting to deal with her without you. Does he not start work equally early on week days?

Either way don't allow someone else's stubbornness to create guilt with you when none is required.

She is a able bodied adult who is able to take responsibility for her own actions that means you don't need to.

Original poster

MommyBird · 11/05/2013 15:50

My husband's abit..i dont know how to desribe him haha!
He loves his mom obviously, but he's started to get abit sick of her from time to time (so much more to the above post)
so i think when they come down he likes us as a team. He knows she grinds me down sometimes and i know she does it with him..alot..so its kinda like if he has to suffer, so do i :')
which sounds awful but argh!
Weekdays are abit happier as he's up at 6/7am instead of 4/5am...i have my weekday routines..its just on a weekend its abit more hardwork.

OP posts:

BringBackBod · 11/05/2013 15:50

Is it possible for her to come over Saturday morning instead of afternoon?
That way she could look after your dd while you go shopping with your mum.
Maybe she could stay for lunch then go home, leaving your afternoon free to rest.

Original poster

MommyBird · 11/05/2013 15:57

She works on a Saturday morning and is finished by 12, and we're back by then..usually at my moms having dinner.
My oh hasnt really got a set time when hes home..sometimes its early and sometimes its late..and she doesnt come down unless he's here..which is her choice.

OP posts:

UniqueAndAmazing · 11/05/2013 16:00

can your mum change her day at all?
so you do the shopping with her on another day?

then you don't have to worry about reasoning with the unreasonable

BringBackBod · 11/05/2013 16:12

You say it's only the last 2/3 weeks that she's been coming over on a Saturday.
What did she do before?
Can you suggest going back to that?

thebody · 11/05/2013 16:14

In that case op you arnt being unreasonable.

Original poster

MommyBird · 11/05/2013 16:14

She works full time all week :(
which is rubbish. i say 'food shopping' its abit like a girlie day. we both love cooking so we buy baking bits..then have a nose at the clothes for the kids...then go to the cafe and have tea and cake.
So its not like im being dragged there kicking and screaming!
But we do really buy food..so we call it food shopping.
Its the only day i really get to see her and spend a good few hours with her.
I could change it to every other week i guess, or just have cake at her house :')

OP posts:

Original poster

MommyBird · 11/05/2013 16:15

She didn't come down.
My oh had started his new hours..they didnt have the car so instead of catching a bus they didnt come down. :(

OP posts:

thebody · 11/05/2013 17:23

Sorry op they do sound a bit odd.

Best advice is concentrate on you and dh and your own lives.

Just be welcoming to them when they do show up.

You can't do much else really.

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