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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

more of am i being abit mad..

39 replies

ditsydoll · 09/05/2013 15:06

To consider going to a wedding less than a week after my due date?

I will either be overdue, have a tiny newborn or just not be able to go because I'll a actually be giving birth.

Iv got absolutely nothing to wear so would have to buy an entirely new wedding outfit for it.

I'm wondering how I'm going to feed tiny baby with bfing not properly established.

It's a close family member who I love and would really be sad to miss their big day.

Would u even consider going?

OP posts:

VinegarTits · 09/05/2013 15:08

i would play it by ear, under the circumstances i am sure your relative will understand if you pull out last minute

Sirzy · 09/05/2013 15:09

Do you have to let them know now?

How far from home is it?

If you really want to go I would tell them that you are going to try to go but that as you are sure they will understand it will very much depend on what is happening.

dexter73 · 09/05/2013 15:11

I would have probably considered it before having my baby as I didn't realise what was involved in childbirth and just after. Now I wouldn't go if I had just had a baby.

Original poster

ditsydoll · 09/05/2013 15:11

They are aware that we may not make it. But do I spend all that money on a new dress?
Iv not bought any maternity dresses yet and with 2 weeks left to go I'm just wondering if it's really worth it. Is it even going to be an option to go?
No probs if I'm overdue, I wouldn't dream of missing it. But it would be a different story with a newborn..

OP posts:

thebody · 09/05/2013 15:12

Send an acceptance card saying you hope to be there but you may be otherwise busy.

mytitsareonfire · 09/05/2013 15:13

No way. But then I'm rather lazy.

Numberlock · 09/05/2013 15:13

I definitely wouldn't rule it out, see how you feel at the time. Even if you just make it for an hour or so, you may feel up for it. Outfit-wise, if it's that close to giving birth, just more your smartest maternity outfit. No-one will be worrying about you're wearing, they'll just be pleased to see you and meet the baby!

Icelollycraving · 09/05/2013 15:14

No. If you commit to going,they will have you on a seating plan,will pay for your meal etc. If she's a bridezilla she may not want a newborn getting lots of attention.
On the other hand,if it's a relaxed wedding then could you play it by ear?

VinegarTits · 09/05/2013 15:14

can you buy the dress and if you dont end up going take it back and get a refund?

Wishwehadgoneabroad · 09/05/2013 15:15

Save yourself the stress of having to cancel last minute (and thus leaving the bride/groom with meals they've paid for etc) and bow out gracefully now.

If you're overdue you will not be in any fit state to go.

With a newborn, you will be sleep deprived in a way you never thought possible.

Agree with dexter73

thebody · 09/05/2013 15:16

Sorry see its less than a week after your due date.

No don't get the outfit.

Going to a wedding with all the standing and sitting around and socialising at 9 months pregs will be vile, being able to do this less than a week after giving birth will be unthinkable.

Get someone to film the wedding for you.

CatelynStark · 09/05/2013 15:18

I went to a wedding two days after DD2 was born. I must have been bloody insane! All that standing around for photos made me feel as if my uterus was falling out.

Unless you really love the couple and can ensure you can sit down A LOT, then I really wouldn't bother tbh.

Hermionewastherealhero · 09/05/2013 15:19

I went to an evening do for one of my best friend's a week after having a c section. I was in a complete state about what I wear and how I looked- daft as I couldn't even walk very well but I was in heels!
I was determined to go as I had missed the wedding abroad. To be honest all my husband and I did was stare at our baby - who slept the whole hour and half we were there.
Glad I did it and friend appreciated it but would only do it gain for very close family or friend

Numberlock · 09/05/2013 15:20

Think positive people!

I agree you don't want to take up a full place for a meal that they'll have to pay for. But going along to an informal affair for an hour or two or just the evening do after the sit-down meal is definitely an option.

Outfit-wise, no-one will care!

Discuss the options with the bride and groom and see what would work for them too, under the circumstances.

redexpat · 09/05/2013 15:23

You'll probably go over, especially if it's your first.

Let them know that you don't know for sure if you'll be able to attend but that you would like to.

Buy a dress (asos maternity are not v expensive at all and you get free returns).

This way you have options.

DeepRedBetty · 09/05/2013 15:24

If by some miracle you do feel up to it, ensure chairs are available for you to plonk in at all times, and just wear something with a loose skirt, any old top and a large all-encompassing shawl, which has the double merit of covering up whatever you're wearing underneath that still fits and being handy if you feel the urge to bf but don't want Great Uncle Fred's eyes to fall out.

But most likely you really won't feel up to it, and I wouldn't even contemplate it unless it's going to be one of those really informal, chilled out weddings and most of the guests are friends/family.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/05/2013 15:25

My sister came to my wedding 4 days after having her second, and it was 300 miles away, but then she's very relaxed about that sort of thing.

Mehrida · 09/05/2013 15:27

I did this... Got DH to take me to the ceremony (local church) then pick me up afterwards to go home for a rest/feed baby.

I then went for the meal and speeches before he picked me up again after that. (Couldn't drive after EMCS)

Friend was over the moon that I managed that much and it meant I was only away from DS for a couple of hours at a time.

I wore a reeaally floaty maxidress, not a maternity dress, so I can use it again. Maybe you could borrow one rather than buy a new one.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 09/05/2013 15:31

Well I had an adrenaline rush a couple of days after, so would have been up for it, but then got hit by the three day blues, so wouldnt! BF took several days to get going, so although lunch was on board, so to speak, feeds werent exactly straight forwards!
I really dont think that you can say either way, until the exact day of the wedding. There are so many variables. Each and every pregnancy and birth are different. Just say "we will be there if we can", and wait and see.

Original poster

ditsydoll · 09/05/2013 15:42

It's quite a formal wedding but there are at least 15 under 4s going to be at the sit down meal so it won't be a quiet affair!
They know we may not make it and we Saud to take us off sit down meal to save paying for us but they wouldn't hear of it and just said to make it if we can. I think I'll buy a dress and just play it by ear.

I'll be sure to buy something dark and breastfeeding friendly just incase I go before the wedding!

OP posts:

Zalen · 09/05/2013 15:45

Not much to add but I went to open day for ds1's secondary school when 7 days overdue with ds2, not quite the same but lots of standing and traipsing about so it will probably be doable if you feel up to it. Speak to the happy couple about the venue, I'm sure having a chair available for you shouldn't be a problem unless their getting married in the middle of a field!

And as for what to wear do what my maid of honour threatened to do at my wedding, wear an oversize t-shirt with "Under Construction" emblazoned across it. It really wouldn't have bothered me, I'd just have loved it if she'd been able to be there.

EasilyBored · 09/05/2013 16:02

Alternative scenarios - you could have the baby at 37 weeks (considered full term) and have a four week old baby and by then you will probably feel more like yourself, you could still be pregnant and a night of dancing might kick start your labour? I would play it by ear, and just see how you feel closer to the time. If you have a tiny baby by then, just wear it in a sling and then you don't even need to take it out to feed.

So YANBU to consider it, but just see how you feel later.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 09/05/2013 16:07

exactly, or you could go 2 weeks over. Too many variables!

CMP69 · 09/05/2013 16:10

One of my friends came to a mutual friends wedding, in Newcastle from Leeds, with a 6 day old and a 17 month old and a very pissed DH
Then she is often determined to prove her kids never stop her from doing anything

redskyatnight · 09/05/2013 16:14

I went to a wedding 3days after my due date.
I was still pregnant.
I'd obviously forewarned my friend, but as the wedding was close to home was determined to make it there for at least some of the time unless actively hospitalised.

I bought a smart maternity top second hand from a charity shop and wore it with the black trousers I was wearing to work.

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