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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DH to let me know roughly what time he'll get home?

48 replies

Beccadugs · 07/05/2013 19:10

I know he is currently v busy at work with a deadline on Thursday, but I don't think it's too much to ask that he give me a vague idea of when he'll be home. If he is going to be v late ill have supper without him. We had also talked about taking the dog for a walk together and it's going to get dark.

His mobile is crap, and often drops signal so I have no way of getting hold of him. It just makes me so irritated, and I think it's frankly selfish on his part not to think about me.

OP posts:
maras2 · 07/05/2013 19:25

For goodnes sake leave the poor bloke alone.Do your own stuff and let him do his.You sound more like a stalker than a wife.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/05/2013 19:27

Why is it irritating you so much?

He is at work. Eat when you are hungry. Take the dog for a walk if you want to.

Maybe he doesn't know what time he will be finished?

Startail · 07/05/2013 19:30

I don't think YABU, DH generally rings if he's going to be unreasonably late. It's simply polite if the other is cooking.

Sirzy · 07/05/2013 19:31

You know he is very busy at work and working to a deadline. Just plan for him to be back late and if he is earlier great.

LimitedEditionLady · 07/05/2013 19:32

I like to know when my oh will be home roundabouts.its nice to know whether to make tea for them and if we got time to do anything together.
Maras2 how is she being like a stalker wondering if he wants supper and whether to just walk the dog alone?a stalker?hes her husband so why wouldnt she want to eat together and go for a walk?

Smartieaddict · 07/05/2013 19:33

YANBU, a little consideration takes seconds, a quick text is not much to ask!

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 07/05/2013 19:39

YANBU it's bloody annoying & rude - the least he can do is let you know when he's going to be heading home and if he makes plans with you, then he needs to either be home or ring you to tell you he wont be. There are very few jobs where you can't do this and I'm sure if he had one of them you wouldn't be on here complaining.

LadyVoldemort · 07/05/2013 19:41

Yanbu. I forward plan our meals and hate it when DP says last minute that he'll be back late. It's a waste of a meal and very annoying!

BabylonReturns · 07/05/2013 19:44

YANBU.
I have asked mine to text me when he is leaving work and I can have a hope in hell of having some food ready for him and maybe he could eat with the rest of us once in a while.
But never mind, I suppose peanut butter sandwiches every night for his tea won't kill him!

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 07/05/2013 19:46

I generally ring dp early on in the day to get a rough time he expects to be home, then plan around that. He was a bit late this evening so I just dished up for me and the kids and left his in the oven.

I used get stressed but I've had to learn to relax a bit, he's 60km away so even if he leaves work on time traffic could delay him.

You're better off just acting as if he won't be home, then it's a pleasant surprise if he is home and you don't get agitated if he isn't

Sprite21 · 07/05/2013 19:51

YANBU, or if you are then I am too. But despite 2 years of asking it is always me who initiates the answer with a call or text.
It's just nice to know. Stalking? Ridiculous.

HighJinx · 07/05/2013 19:57

I would say YABU unless he expects his meal to be ready on the table in front of him the minute he walks through the door, regardless of what time it is.

He is very busy at work with a deadline and it is highly likely he has no idea what time he will be home. Try and be a bit supportive while he's so busy rather than just adding to an already stressful situation for him.

Squitten · 07/05/2013 20:01

I used to want my DH to do that but eventually accepted that it inevitably leads to frustrations.

Now we have a much simpler system where he's either "in" (coming home by about 8pm latest) or "out" working late/doesn't know what time he's coming home. On days he's out I just plan without him. It takes the pressure off him and means I'm not waiting around. Much better!

scaevola · 07/05/2013 20:05

YANBU - it's basic courtesy to let your cohabitants know whether you are going to be in or out, so they can decide whether to eat at normal time or wait for you. If he did that, I would only take seconds to enquire if he'd be back in time for anything else planned for the evening.

OP WBU if she expected him to come home at a fixed time, or if she could not be flexible about things like dog walking and food prep. But it's definitely OK to know when he'll return (even if only so you know not to worry, catastrophise and start ringing hospitals).

LittleMissLucy · 07/05/2013 20:08

yabu
he has a deadline ffs
assume he won't be back til late and carry on

Fairenuff · 07/05/2013 20:10

Have you asked him to contact you each day and let you know roughly when he expects to be home?

LittleMissLucy · 07/05/2013 20:11

you can't always do that if you have a deadline Fairenuff.

Shakey1500 · 07/05/2013 20:14

100% what HighJinx posted.

Fairenuff · 07/05/2013 20:14

you can't always do that if you have a deadline Fairenuff

What, make a 30 second phone call to say I won't be home til very late, don't wait up? Of course you can. Common courtesy.

CocktailQueen · 07/05/2013 20:17

Either make something for tea that you can reheat for dh, or have stuff so he can make himself a sandwich. Take the dog out yourself and enjoy the evening. Chillax....

LittleMissLucy · 07/05/2013 20:18

no, you can't always. It depends on the business you work in. If you're in a slow, low level company then maybe, but what if you have 3 calls ringing and people lined up outside your door and 100+ emails to wade through? A 30 second call in those circs is asking a bit much.

Tigresswoods · 07/05/2013 20:19

Annoying. My DH can be like this at times & I have got annoyed in the past as I want to eat & need to know whether to wait or not.

However as someone else pointed out cook things you can eat & save for him or quickly knock up if/when he does come in.

There's nothing more annoying if you are working hard than to be disturbed.

Sallystyle · 07/05/2013 20:27

YANBU.

LaGuardia · 07/05/2013 20:35

YABU. He doesn't need the added pressure of pandering to you.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/05/2013 20:37

Of course there may not be time to make a 30 second call.

When I am snowed under at work and under pressure the very last thing on my mind is whether DH should eat without me or whether he should walk the dog FFS.

A tight deadline is just that-a finite amount of time to complete a job.

Is it more important to tell someone to eat their dinner without you?
Do people not just eat when they are hungry?