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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to accept MIL's facebook friend request

27 replies

Msgilbertblythe · 06/05/2013 21:30

So the dreaded day has arrived and MIL has joined facebook and sent me a friend request. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice woman but I'm not close to her, we have nothing in common and I don't want her commenting on or seeing everything I do. I don't even use fb that much but I see it as a way to keep in touch with friends only. Her request has made me feel suffocated and pressurised into accepting. I wouldn't even accept my own mother should she suddenly discover what fb was and add me. AIBU in ignoring this request? AIBU to think some generations shouldn't even be on fb?

OP posts:
yaimee · 06/05/2013 21:32

Accept and then limit what she can see to nothing.
It'll keep the peace, she will never know, and she won't be able to snoop or see any of your online activity.
Problem solved!

Hassled · 06/05/2013 21:33

Do what my adults DCs do - accept her, and then work out what you need to do to limit what she sees (it is possible). I only see what mine want me to see, which is fair enough.

MrsSnow · 06/05/2013 21:34

My MIL did this so she could see photos etc. I told Dh I wasn't happy about this so we decided to have a 'family' facebook account just with certain family members on. This limits what we say/post for the family and works really well. I don't know why more people don't do this.

DiscoDonkey · 06/05/2013 21:34

Yanbu I declined a friends request from my niece (she's lovely but I like to keep parts of my life neatly separated!)

CocacolaMum · 06/05/2013 21:34

If you don't want her to see your dodginess then don't accept it :)

Personally I would accept it but I have grans and aunts and the mother on mine....on limited profile of course hehe

Nanny0gg · 06/05/2013 21:35

AIBU to think some generations shouldn't even be on fb?
If you mean anyone over the age of 40, then yes. YABU.

HollyBerryBush · 06/05/2013 21:35

AIBU to think some generations shouldn't even be on fb?

Really? I talk to my parents 80+ cousins on FB, only like I have with my parents.

So, frankly I find that comment a bit patronising.

If you were up with the play you'd know Twitter is the happening thing of the moment and FB is sooooo yesterday.

But in response to your question, accept or decline who you want, if you feel obliged to accept her, pop her in a group all on her own so she cant see posts. Not rocket science, if you know how to work it.

MsVestibule · 06/05/2013 21:35

If you do ignore it, is she likely to ask you why? If so, could you explain to her what you'e explained here?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 06/05/2013 21:37

Yes, limit what she can see. You can make it so she can't see anything at all.

re some generations - which ones are they? In 20 years should the people who are 40 now not use it? The future is MORE tech not less.

We'll end up like the bloody borg in the end, I tell you.

usualsuspect · 06/05/2013 21:38

Add her and put her on your restricted list.

I have all my grown up children on my fb
But YABU for saying some generations shouldn't be on FB.

How old is she

apostropheuse · 06/05/2013 21:44

AIBU to think some generations shouldn't even be on fb?

Hmm Of course you're being unreasonable to say this. Good grief.

I limit who sees what on my Facebook and I'm sure my adult children limit what I can see on theirs.

Oh I can't be arsed finishing my post now. I must be losing my attention span, me being over fifty and all that.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 06/05/2013 21:46

As others have suggested, you can accept her as a friend but have your settings so she can't see anything you post.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 06/05/2013 21:51

For example, I have a list called 'teenagers', which includes my 13 year old son and god-daughter and anyone else aged 13-18 in my friends list. If I want to share something that I don't want them to see, I put that status update's setting to 'Custom' then customise it to Friends except Teenagers.

KatieScarlett2833 · 06/05/2013 21:53

My mil is on my FB. I've nothing to hide so she can spy all she likes.

rainbowslollipops · 06/05/2013 21:54

My mum and dad find it hilarious looking at what us 3 do and what our friends put. We've all left home and work so we don't get time together as a big family so for my mum and dad it's like watching us from a distance. I'll never forget my dad's first post on my profile, it just spelled out creepy. "Now daddy can keep an eye on you"

MammaTJ · 06/05/2013 21:58

Accept, then let her see whay you want her to see. If you cannot control that then maybe you are the generation who should not be on FB, rather than me age 45 who can control it 100%. Grin

whatamardarse · 06/05/2013 22:00

Except and limit! Mine stalks mine!
If we go out for dinner and mention we are there or going there she will ring DH for a take out. And I mean EVERY time.

If I put photos on she likes she will copy them put them on her wall and tag every one else in except me lol

She will write veiled messages about me but with out actually saying its me Grin

Countless posts about a mother and sons love is unbreakable and no one can be come between them ...

I keep her on for my own infantile amusement. I seriously limit what can see and it fucking infuriates her!

Enjoy!!

livinginwonderland · 06/05/2013 22:01

accept and limit.

i have my parents on facebook but what they can see is limited sometimes. most of what i post is just funny stuff, but sometimes i do restrict their access.

Original poster
Msgilbertblythe · 06/05/2013 22:02

Ok maybe it was unreasonable to suggest some generations shouldn't be on fb but I just prefer the good old days when I could have separate family time and separate friends time. Sorry for any perceived slights you may have felt.

OP posts:
Midlifecrisisarefun · 06/05/2013 22:13

I have had my adult DC on fb for ages, my DH has only recently started going on there our DD opened an account for him...she then said 'oh, I will have to watch what I post now!'
erm..so you didn't mind me seeing your stuff but care what your father thinks!! Confused

squeakytoy · 06/05/2013 23:52

Why do people feel the need to post every minute detail of their personal lives on facebook anyway.. Confused

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad · 07/05/2013 00:11

squeakytoy - no one has intimated they're putting every minute detail on their FB. Personally, I don't put a lot of info on my facebook, I don't even post any pictures; there's not a single one of DD on there. But when MIL added me I felt uncomfortable with her seeing stuff I 'like' as I know a lot of it will be heartily disapproved of.

So added her and put her on a limited profile. She has mentioned that she can't see a lot of my profile and I just made vague noises about not knowing why and it's probably something to do with my settings and I'll sort that out soon...

MTSCostcoChickenFan · 07/05/2013 00:19

Sorry Holly but you are with the oldies and you don't even know it :)

We use whatsapp. Twitter and FB is sooo yesterday

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 07/05/2013 00:30

MrsSnow - how does that work though? The 'family' Facebook accounts sounds like a good idea, but it still means you have to not accept your MIL's friend request on your personal account, which is awkward for a lot of people.

I am friends with my MIL on FB, but don't have any qualms about it. Can fully understand why some might, though.

IHeartKingThistle · 07/05/2013 00:38

I have ignored any requests from aunties, uncles, friends of my parents, oh and ILs. If they ask I make it into a joke and tell them I have a 'no-fogey rule'. It's not that I put anything on that I wouldn't want them to see - it's just that:

  1. I like updating parents/ILs on what we've been up to myself. I enjoy the conversation without hearing 'oh yeah, I saw that on FB'. We use Flickr for sharing photos.
  2. My Mum is not on FB and I know it would annoy if not upset her to have a friend or relative tell her about something I'd done if I hadn't told her yet. It's much easier this way!