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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be glad that mumsnet wasn't around when I got married...

26 replies

idiuntno57 · 05/05/2013 19:14

We had three levels of guest: ceremony, wedding breakfast, evening
We put the list in the invites
It was child free
and...worst of all we mixed up the guests so they weren't sitting next to each other.

I sit and shudder about what our guests would have done if they'd had the opportunity to vent on mumsnet.

BTW it was a blast

OP posts:
EarnestDullard · 05/05/2013 19:18

We had ceremony/meal guests and evening guests. And I put the gift list info in the invitations too (I thought I was being helpful). And it was child free. Not having children ourselves we didn't really know how inconvenient it is to have to find childcare.

I had no idea I was potentially offending so many people by doing these things!

HollyBerryBush · 05/05/2013 19:19

I'm not sure I've ever had to run a life decision past anyone else

Nehru · 05/05/2013 19:20

We did "you come to our wedding you come for the whole day and we pay for your drinks" shocker.

And had no starter but canapés instead . Also no receiving line.
And dad did the wedding list admin , was pre Internet.

We had no website! Imagine. No weddi g favours shit

Nehru · 05/05/2013 19:21

Gifts weren't mentioned at all.
I loathe that. Very naff.

MrsCampbellBlack · 05/05/2013 19:23

Nehru - we also paid for everything and did no list, only people in RL I know who did this though.

HoneyDragon · 05/05/2013 19:25

We had dcs.
We paid for the bar.
We had a wedding list. At Argos.
We paid for outfits.

We did that before the birth of Mnet. Wink

Nehru · 05/05/2013 19:26

We cut our cloth mrs CB. People don't do that these days.
Mum and dad did booze cruise to Calais for the wine.

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 05/05/2013 19:30

We had a free bar. Everyone was stuffed with food and paralytic. As i said it was a blast.

What gets me is that these days mumsnet appears to provide god given right to criticise others.

enough already

OP posts:
littleballerina · 05/05/2013 19:33

i would never had got married if mn was around.

you lot would have made me see sense.

Spero · 05/05/2013 19:33

Do you understand how the Internet works? It's not compulsory to wank on about your wedding on any website.

But if you chose to do so on a public forum, then you may find complete strangers choose to comment.

And - gasp - some of them may have opinions that differ from yours.

Maxium12 · 05/05/2013 19:34

Mixed up the guests.

I went to my cousin's wedding and they did this, we had the bride's sister and her boyfriend on our table, she wouldn't speak to the other 5 guests.

Obviously not pleased with her DS's choice. I was amazed that she was p**d off enough to keep this up throughout the whole meal.

FarBetterNow · 05/05/2013 19:35

littleballerina: Nor me.

Trill · 05/05/2013 19:39

YABU

Mumsnet doesn't make people more judgemental or more easily offended or more not-agreeing-with-how-you-do-things - it just gives you the opportunity to see it.

catgirl1976 · 05/05/2013 19:42

I buggered off to Vegas Grin

Saved much angst. I did broadcast it live over the internet though which I am sure is too tacky for some MNers Grin

Tee2072 · 05/05/2013 19:49

There have been websites long before Mumsnet where people criticized weddings.

apostropheuse · 05/05/2013 19:50

We invited all 100 guests to the ceremony, sit down meal and then a buffet in the evening. The children who were invited were nieces and nephews. We provided transport for the guests. All fairly local though.

We did not have a gift list ...wouldn't have dreamed of it! We were grateful for anything anyone chose for us. I am quite happy to say that I find it incredibly tacky and grasping to give out lists, or to ask for money.

Anyway, obviously you will read different opinions on the internet. It's the nature of the beast. It shouldn't affect what you choose to do in real life.

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 05/05/2013 20:04

trill I think perhaps it does. Sometimes feels like person A says OP is grabby/entitled/selfish etc and then the herd mentality kicks in and everyone starts being overly judgmental one way or another.

Anyway I also couldn't be arsed to do favours but there was booze, food and disco fun aplenty.

judge me Grin

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 05/05/2013 20:10

No mother of the bride or other family member or anyone ever interfered with or judged someone's wedding plans before mumsnet.

FACT

expatinscotland · 05/05/2013 20:11

We eloped.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 05/05/2013 20:18

I did all wrong. We couldn't afford to feed everyone we wanted to invite so explained all invited to ceilidh with free bar and hot sausages and pizza and rolls and cake, and all invited to wedding service, which was in lovely huge church half a mile from reception, in medieval city centre of town 2 hrs from London (where my family are from).

However we could only manage to feed 40 - family and godparents- so if people wanted to come to ceremony ( and we'd adore it if they did) they would have to amuse themselves and feed themselves during afternoon.

We served champagne and sausage rolls on lawn outside church then waved temporary bye to most guests who had by all accounts a lovely time wandering round shops, parks and pubs before returning to whoop it up at ceilidh, where we cut cake and thanked everyone emotionally and danced like loons and drank.

Then guests got last train home back to London. A few stayed in hotels and met us for family pub lunch next day.

It was fab and nobody ever got arsey with us because we didn't feed and water them all day. Lots of people said they loved being invited to the church bit as well as evening reception and were pleased to have a wander and a pub lunch then rejoin us.

I dare say MN would have had my guts if I'd posted AIBU to not host all my wedding guests all day and evening though.

ChaoticTranquility · 05/05/2013 20:19

there was booze, food and disco fun aplenty.

Sounds like a good wedding to me. Feed me, supply me with booze and play some music and I'm happy. Couldn't give a damn about favours Grin

People do judge weddings, both on the internet and in rl. It's just more noticeable on the 'net.

AudreyParker · 05/05/2013 20:19

We had three levels of invites, asked for money, didn't have a free bar and had long speeches.

And I had three MNers as guests.

Ner.

Spero · 05/05/2013 21:20

If you chose to post stuff on the Internet then you are inviting comment.

Don't start whining if your narcissism doesn't attact 100% approval.

Original poster
idiuntno57 · 05/05/2013 21:58

comment is one thing.
abuse is another.
problem with this internet lark is that it is anonymous. Stuff said here can hurt in the real world i feel.

OP posts:
Spero · 05/05/2013 22:34

Of course I think abuse is just nasty and those keyboard warriors should be reported and deleted - and for the most part they are.

But what I am seeing is a worrying trend of people who start crying 'bully! Abuse' when all that is happened is that someone has disagreed with them.

A particular example was the recent stolen lunch box thread where op stropped off using the old den of vipers excuse. No one had been horrible. Maybe some were robust some a bit snarky, but if you really are that vulnerable maybe you should think carefully about whether the Internet is the playground for you.

If you loved your wedding, that's great. If I think it sounds awful, why the hell should you care? You had a great time, that's all that matters.