It's none of your business

[Restorer]

On here as soon as you post anything showing interest in or concern for a friend/relative, you get told it's none of your business. AIBU to think that never happens in real life and ordinarily decent, caring people like nothing more than hearing the gory details if other people's lives and to offer well meaning advice, whether it has anything to do with them or not?

It depends on what it is. Are you horrified they feed their child crisps and coke? None of your business.

Do you think they are beating their children? Absolutely your business.

Two extremes, obviously.

It depends really. IRL you would be asked for your opinion, or if you asked the question"whats wrong" the problem would either be shared or you'd be told "it's nothing, I'm ok" if someoen didn't want to share.

If you were told IRL MYOB straight out that would imply the person with the perceived problem either doesnt trust you, or you aren't that close to them.

The phraseology of some questions is poor in the written word. Half the time posters aren't seeking a solution to someone elses prob;em, they are having a judgemental moment and want others to agree with them. Thus is the way of AIBU - no one posts unless they believe they are correct.

Absolutely spot on Tee.

But aside from that, YANBU to think that, since last time I checked we are all still free to think whatever we wish.

I agree Tee, but i think in rl you'd find plenty of people who'd share their opinion on the coke and very few who'd refuse to talk about it on the grounds that it was none of their business

I agree, Restorer. But more often than not on here, people will post because they want to do something, rather than just get opinions on the behaviour itself. And then I think others are right to say "it's none of your business" if in fact you shouldn't interfere.

That said, there are some people here who are forceful with their opinions just for the sake of being able to disagree.

What Tee said. Huge spectrum of judgement here. But let's be honest about what AIBU is about: it's a sounding board on modern morals. overwhelming majority of posts are just general "what do you think about x behaviour," or a space to vent, rather than genuine requests for help or advice.

While i agree with tee sometimes the coke and crisps can be a sign of needing some helpful advice it depends on context so one toddler i know gets given coke in her bottle could be mum is unaware of the reasons this isn't wise or she doesn't care, which ever reason it still shows mum could do with some helpful advice and maybe support.

I think some of the judgy ones are actually a reverse ie people have acted like that and want people to tell them its fine, maybe they've had comments in real life and are looking for validation.

"..which ever reason it still shows mum could do with some helpful advice and maybe support"

I disagree. First of all, unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated or helpful. Second of all, I do not think coke in a bottle means they need support. It means they put coke in a bottle.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. - Freud.

But that's the point how can anyone think coke in a bottle is ever ok.

I think the "it's none of your business" responses are due to the disconnect - the degree of separation.

If I sit down with my mate and tell her about SIL's bizarre attitude to X, Y and Z, mate won't say "it's none of your business" - she knows me. If I tell the same thing to a bunch of internet strangers I'll be told to leave well alone/say nothing.

I don't know jacks but some people don't see it as a problem.

But that's the point if its not seen as a problem then surely its a sign of a possible lack of awareness and would surely be better if it could be addressed in an appropriate manner but sometimes that isn't possible so people vent their frustrations instead.

But it's not really a problem, is it? It's not great health wise but it's hardly a major issue in the great scheme of the universe.

"one toddler i know gets given coke in her bottle could be mum is unaware of the reasons this isn't wise or she doesn't care, which ever reason it still shows mum could do with some helpful advice and maybe support."

So would you really give that "advice and support" without it being solicited, Jacks365?

In that specific situation no i wouldn't but it doesn't mean i'd be happy about it and venting somewhere like here would be a way to get it out of my system. To me anything other than water or milk in a bottle is a no no and quite honestly a bottle for that age of child isn't brilliant either. Yes it frustrates me, no i can't stick my nose in but if i can't vent on here then what's the point.

Well, I think there's a difference between venting on here and saying "should I say anything?"

And I think it is the latter the OP is referring to.

I'm with you now jacks365 and I agree. There are things which "get" me but aren't important enough for me to interfere in and about which I might have a good old moan on here.

Where "Should I say anything" comes up my rule of thumb is that if you need to ask then generally no, you shouldn't.