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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re. lifts to a party

15 replies

Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 18:29

My DD1 has been invited to a birthday party, it is 13 miles away in the city centre. I know that people don't have to offer lifts but they have a 5 seater car and there are 3 guests but because both parents want to go they have offered lifts to both the other guests and told us to meet them there. I would happily take any/ all of them in my car but feel that my DD will be left out if the others are picked up as the car ride will be part of the party. It is also hassle because I have to drive into the city, park in the multi-storey, take her to the party (as it across the centre and she wouldn't know where it was), then drive home (as I have other children who I couldn't leave for that length of time) and then go back, park again and pick her up. At 13 I would have thought they could have all gone to the party on the bus together or something, or all met at the Park and Ride. AIBU (I probably am, but feel miffed, especially as I thought she was getting a lift after having a conversation with the mother last week)

OP posts:
FreyaSnow · 01/05/2013 18:34

Can't she get a bus and print out of the location from google maps?

Original poster
Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 18:36

She probably could but I'd prefer to take her than have her walking round a strange city on her own. I just feel bad for her as the others are going together.

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/05/2013 18:37

How is the car ride part of the party?

I know that from inside a situation things often feel very different, but from outside, just reading what you have typed, it really doesn't read like such a big deal.

is there no traffic allowed near the party venue? if your child is 13, could you not drop her off outside, or is it a pedestrian only area?

I'm sure she'll have a lovely time.

FreyaSnow · 01/05/2013 18:39

Is there an underlying issue with the friendship? If it is a case that the other three have some history of pushing your DD out, then them all going together without her is a big deal. If they all get on really well and generally include her, then I don't think her missing out on the car journey will make much difference.

Original poster
Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 18:40

Pedestrian only area, she's never been to that part of the city before so doesn't know where she is going. Maybe I'll have to have a shopping day, but it's no fun when you have to take 3 kids with you on a Saturday afternoon! (and have no money!)

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/05/2013 18:40

and remember - she's, if I've read right, one of only 3 guests going to this thing. So they obviously like her very much. They chose her out of all the rest of the class/group/whathaveyou. It is probably nothing at all more than perhaps the other parents don't have a car/are working/live closer/asked first.

zeeboo · 01/05/2013 18:40

At 13 I'd have been miffed for the same reasons as you. I'd expect them all to go separately or all in the bday parents car or like you say, all on the bus. Your dd will feel really excluded and I'm shocked the hosts parents can't see that Sad

Mutt · 01/05/2013 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 18:47

ImTooHecsyForYourParty They all have cars, we all live in the same small town and we were asked last week if she would like a lift (to which I said "yes, please") today I got a text saying that they had now offered lifts to the other girls so could she please meet them there. Why couldn't I have dropped my DD off and someone else picked their DD up afterwards, as a compromise? Still, there you go, I feel petty as it's nice of them to invite her.

OP posts:
maddening · 01/05/2013 18:51

Offer to take the other parent so that the dc can all travel together. You can drop the parent off near the event without having to park.

If you suggest it as so all the girls can travel together without one feeling left out I doubt they can say anything other than yes to that.

Original poster
Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 18:57

maddening you are a genius!! Why didn't I think of that Grin

OP posts:
Hulababy · 01/05/2013 19:00

Seems unfair to leave one child out of the lift.

likeitorlumpit · 01/05/2013 19:00

of course the car ride is part of it ,she will feel the odd one out , bloody thoughtless of the others .

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/05/2013 19:02

You're not petty. It feels like a rejection of your daughter. I get that. Logically, it won't be, but it feels like it to you. From outside, it seems to me like nothing more than transport, but it's clear that it's not that for you. It's upset you a bit.

Maddening has a really good solution for you. They're very unlikely to say no to that. At least not without looking like a total arse.

Original poster
Justforlaughs · 01/05/2013 19:09

The mum is a friend so hopefully she'll go for maddenings solution

OP posts:
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