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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I KNOW i'm not being unreasonable. Just posting here to check. . .

35 replies

TheCunnyFunt · 30/04/2013 18:12

I apologise in advance, as this is yet another in laws thread.

DP wants us all to go on holiday with his mum and 2 younger brothers (17 & 20). I don't know what to say. I went on holiday with them when I was 17, 2 weeks of hell in a caravan in Cornwall. I also moved in with them 9 months after the holiday, lived with them for 10 months!! I get on ok with MIL until we live together like that, we're just so different it makes it very difficult to get on after 24 hours.

She's so clean and efficient and I'm just a slattern! She cleans constantly, I'm a late riser in the mornings and when I lived with them I'd get up around 9 and find that tea for that night had already been cooked and was sat on the hob cooling down. She never stops and she gets mad at me for not cleaning enough in my own home.

I just can't go on holiday with them. If it were a hotel then I would. I'd be there like a shot! But the 2 options are a static caravan in Cornwall, or a Villa in Spain. I just don't see how going away to cook and clean can be a holiday either! And we have a toddler now, DD will be 2 when the holiday is taking place.

The BILs are always fighting too, not play fighting, actual fighting! MIL has a scar on her forearm where she waded in the middle of one of their fights last year to break it up. The 20yo is a twat, he will kick off at the slightest thing if he doesn't get what he wants right there and then. He recently caused a few hundred pounds worth of damage by smashing MILs kitchen sink because the clutch went on his car when FIL was driving it.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? Please say I'm not!

OP posts:
ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged · 30/04/2013 18:14

Sounds like a free holiday with entertainment to me. I'll go.

thebody · 30/04/2013 18:18

You would be mad to take children anywhere near violent men.

Can't understand why you would even consider it.

Yrnbu.

GettingObsessive · 30/04/2013 18:19

No I don't think YABU, but you are going to have to find a way of telling your DH and, more importantly, MIL this without upsetting the Applecart.

LindyHemming · 30/04/2013 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottiegarbanzo · 30/04/2013 18:21

They sound like the subjects of a reality show, or a soap!

Anyway, if DP wants to go, he needs to know what your terms are (lie-ins when possible, no cleaning except at the end of the week, everyone taking turns cooking, a couple of nights with others baby-sitting so you two can go out for dinner, absolutely NO diaplays of aggression in front of your DD (that's really in a whole other category to the rest) etc) and enforce them.

Or, you really don't ant togo, so you don't go. Would you be paying your own way, or is this an invitation to join them? If you can afford a holiday, obviously you want to choose what it is.

lottiegarbanzo · 30/04/2013 18:25

Btw how does your DP rationalise your DD being around a violent man? What sort of example does he think this is setting about acceptable behaviour and what one should tolerate from others?

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 30/04/2013 18:27

Could you get next door caravans? Say its so your child has their own space and routine. It just has the added advantage your away from each other

lottiegarbanzo · 30/04/2013 18:28

...oh and even if you can't afford a holiday and they'd be paying, if it wouldn't be a pleasure for you, you don't go (obviously) - so that's your gold-plated YANBU.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 30/04/2013 18:30

If this is your only chance of a holiday this year, that's a shame, but what is the attraction? If your MIL finds fault with your domestic skills at home she won't be easy-going on holiday. If your DP's brother sees a red mist at the drop of a hat I'd not want to be around him with a young DC either abroad or in a confined space in the UK. Let DP go if he wants.

quoteunquote · 30/04/2013 18:33

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Feel free to use any or all of those, if anyone mentions it again. (if you run out I have more.

Holiday - A break from your normal life, in which you relax, and enjoy. from which you reluctantly return home, happy and de stressed.

Get MiL to send your BiLs on a tall ships course(any outward bounds type thing), and book herself a get away with a friend,

and your family should find a nice relaxing beach holiday to have fun on.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 30/04/2013 18:35

I agree with quote.

very well said indeed, quote Grin

CaptainSweatPants · 30/04/2013 18:37

Go to Spain
Get an adjacent villa for the 3 of you
Lie by the pool while mil cleans & cooks & looks after dd

ChaoticTranquility · 30/04/2013 18:40

What quote said Grin

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 30/04/2013 18:41

Forgot to add, this will be our only chance of a holiday this year, it'll cost us money but if we chip in with this one it won't be as much as if we were going alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 30/04/2013 18:44

Quote your post wasn't very clear, was that a yes or a no? Wink :o

OP posts:
WandaDoff · 30/04/2013 18:45

I agree with quote too.

SofaKing · 30/04/2013 18:46

Don't go. I've committed to a week in neighbouring caravans with my in laws and I am already regretting it. Mil is demanding we send her a shopping list NOW of things we might need, as we are getting the train and they are driving. It is helpful to offer, but does she need to know 8 weeks in advance? She has literally mentioned it every time she has phoned.

Alcohol will be top of the list when I get round to composing the bloody thing.

Dollylucy · 30/04/2013 18:47

It's great when you go on a villa holiday with someone that likes to clean and do the cooking. They are the only negatives about a villa holiday I think
NOt sure about the violent brothers though?

Dontbugmemalone · 30/04/2013 18:47

YANBU, sounds like hell on earth.

NO is a complete sentence.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/04/2013 18:52

YANBU but tell me...how on earth do you get up at 9.00am when you've a baby?

DontmindifIdo · 30/04/2013 18:56

don't go.

You can use the excuse of them being violent round a child to be your excuse.

TheseFoolishThings · 30/04/2013 18:59

What are the odds of you being able to get through to DH just exactly how much of a bad idea this is? Does he get how you feel about it? Or is he dead set no matter what?

Jengnr · 30/04/2013 19:02

More to the point, why does your husband think it's a good idea?

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 30/04/2013 19:03

It's more like 8 nowadays :( occasionally get 9 though! DD wakes up around 7, sometimes she'll happily play in her cot until 8ish, sometimes she'll go back to sleep around 7.30 for an hour or so, and sometimes she'll just stand in her cot and yell so I'll bring her into our bed, stick Cbeebies on and have another half hour of light snoozing :o

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 30/04/2013 19:10

He thinks it's a good idea because he doesn't remember the hell it was going on holiday with them and me living with them all. He knows what they can be like, but as far as he's concerned it's better than no holiday at all!

OP posts:
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