To be upset with my sister

[notnagging]

She has just told me that my brother is an alcoholic, has recently been to court for shoplifting & hit his wife my sister lives in the same area as him. I don't but have been trying to contact him. I'm devastated. I want to contact his wife who she is close with but feel that I can't.

Why are you upset with your sister?

Why are you upset with your sister?

Why are you upset with your sister?

Why are you upset with your sister?

Im guessing she wont help you contact him?

guess what I'm going to ask??

Why are you upset with your sister?

yep you guessed it

For not telling me. I didn't know any if this had been going on

Which part of his actions is your sister's fault? Or do you feel she shouldn't have told you?

ah. xpost. why do you feel you can't contact his wife?

Im assuming you are upset with your sister for not telling you before?

Or because she hasn't done anything?

Details!

Xpost.

Maybe she didnt know?

you say you feel you can't contact his wife.

so if your sister had told you earlier, what would you have done?

Maybe she was asked not to tell you? Maybe she thought it was your brother's business?

I've been trying to contact my brother but he only has a mobile. She sees his wife regularly. Last time I spoke to his wife she said everything was fine which obviously it isn't.
I know I'm being unreasonable. Just upset that they've been going through this. Don't know what I think I could've done to help. We used to be really close but now I've moved away we don't see each other unless I make the effort.
She hasn't chucked him out & he hit her in front of their kids

Be angry at your brother for hitting his wife and not telling you anything else thats going on, not at your sister, she obviously had her reasons.

Are you sure what she is telling you is the truth?

Be angry at your brother! Why on earth does your post start with being angry with your sister??

classic case of shooting the messenger who brings bad tidings!

You are angry, sad and confused. You want to blame her for shattering your hopes of getting back in touch with your brother.

None of this is her fault and it sounds like she is still being a good friend to the wife.

Maybe she thought you did not care. Maybe she thought you would side with your brother somehow try to absolve him or blame the wife in some way. Maybe she thought being too far away and unable to do something would worry you more?

Now you know, and you can choose how you react and what you do and say. Your brother not your sister is the one in the wrong.

Do you have parents - do they know?

Parents don't know.she has been trying to sort it out herself. He needs help, more then she can give.

Why in earth are you angry with your sister? Your anger should be directed at your brother.

Are you still upset with your sister?

I've had a good chat with her now. Still trying to figure out how to help my sis in law. I think she should tell my parents. My sil needs somewhere to stay. My brother won't leave & the local refuge say they haven't got any space

Could she stay with you? If not and she really is stuck then I think that you should tell your parents if they are in a position to help

My sister thought my parents wouldn't let her. I've told her to tell them now & they were fine about her staying. She's been trying to get into a hostel but they have no places.
I hope my sister can see now that Zi wouldn't have taken his side.