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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not know what to do next?

24 replies

extremepie · 22/04/2013 15:08

More of a WWYD but I need some advice as it is quite complicated!

I have 2 friends 'x' & 'y' who used to go out but have now broken up. 'Y' is also a close friend of my DH.

I just got a phone call from X saying that Y has been telling mutual friends that I 'threw myself' at him the last time we went out but he turned me down.

I don't know what to do with this information and not sure whether I should confront him about it or not?

The way I can see it there are a few possibilities:

a) He lied and I didn't do anything
b) He isn't lying and I did do something but was so drunk that I cant remember doing it (I'm 99.9999% sure this isnt the case)
c) X (or someone else) is making things up to try and stir problems between me and Y so I wont talk to him anymore?

No idea what is going on or what to do about it!

Either way I'm pretty sure that if I mention it to DH he will be furious - either with his friend for making shit up about his wife or with his wife (me) for trying it on with his mate and I don't want to fuck up our relationship over this or ruin his friendship with Y.

I'm so sure that I didn't do this though - I was drunk but I dont think so drunk that I would totally forget doing something like that, I remember the conversations we were having that night, where we went, the people we met up with etc..

I can't recall seeing the person who Y apparently told about this, who then passed the message on to X at all.

AIBU to feel very confused and hurt by the whole thing?

OP posts:

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/04/2013 15:11

just ignore it all, don't get drawn into their petty games

Original poster

extremepie · 22/04/2013 15:15

I'm tempted to do just that - I really didn't think that Y was the type of guy to make up stuff like this at all but X keeps telling me that he is all kinds of horrible 'behind the scenes' and just doesnt let most of his mates in on the fact.

I just dont want any of it to get back to DH - why dont people think before they start these stupid rumours?

OP posts:

PeppermintPasty · 22/04/2013 15:15

If it were me I would have it out with Y loudly in a public place, using my best superior voice and scathing put downs then I would punch him

But, ah, I see you might have been pissed to the gills and offered to do him right there last time you were out....hmm....it's a dilemma.

On reflection I'd still go with the public scene.

Hope this helps.

Snoopingforsoup · 22/04/2013 15:17

I would be livid. He's clearly a bit of a toe rag to tell people this.

The thing that I'm questioning if I may, is how you wouldn't remember throwing yourself at him? You question that yourself. Do you find him attractive and are you likely to have done that when drunk? Because that could alter the outcome.

He's probably been drunk and taken something you did or said the wrong way - but anyway, he needs confronting and frankly, if my best mates hubby threw himself at me when pissed, I'd not be telling everyone out of fear for my friends feelings.

He's a wrong 'un and I wouldn't be protecting him. He cares not a jot about you and what your DH thinks. If he did, he'd have handled this better. He sounds like a trouble-causer so no, YANBU to feel hurt and confused.

Snoopingforsoup · 22/04/2013 15:19

Hmm. I forgot about Y.

Y is a bit twisted too. I would have it out with both of them.

PeppermintPasty · 22/04/2013 15:22

I'm confused, is it X or Y that's the wrong'un?

Original poster

extremepie · 22/04/2013 15:26

I question it because I was drunk but honestly I've never thrown myself at anyone else before, no matter how drunk I've been, so I can't imagine I would be likely to do it to a mutual friend of mine and DH's? Very very unlikely IMO.

I do find him attractive and obviously I like him as a person or he wouldnt be my friend but I just find it very unbelieveable and totally out of character for me. X was shocked when she heard about it as she couldnt believe I would do that, as would everyone else who knows me well.

I did think that he might have misconstrued something I did/said but according to the person he 'told' I lunged at him and tried to kiss him.

It did make me wonder why he would tell this other person about it - she doesnt know me or Dh so why would she care?

OP posts:

Original poster

extremepie · 22/04/2013 15:28

I don't know! X is the female ex of Y, who got told about this by a friend of hers, who got told about it by Y.

Y is mine and Dh's friend (supposedly)

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 22/04/2013 15:29

I'd talk to him - friend to friend.
Find out his story and what he's said before you take it any further.
It is basically making a mountain out of a molehill but I think you need to know.

shockers · 22/04/2013 15:32

I'd be tempted to tell him that you know what he's said about you. Then I'd ask him just which part of your friendly conversation he misunderstood enough to start a rumour about you that has the potential to cause a lot of trouble in your life.

If he says you offered him drunken no-strings bumping of uglies, tell him he's very much mistaken .

Original poster

extremepie · 22/04/2013 15:37

I think I'm going to have to ask him about it all.

I know that X really has a vested interest in making Y look bad so I'm not sure I trust her version of things but I don't really honestly care about who is lying and who is right so much as I care about people that I know thinking I'm the kind of woman who would cheat on her DH with one of his friends!

I don't want anyone to think that about me as its really not who I am.

If I did make a mistake and did try something (which I highly doubt) I will just have to put it down to experience and not get so drunk next time :(

OP posts:

Dahlen · 22/04/2013 15:47

I would wait to hear if anyone else mentions anything. When couples split up and they are friends with other couples, it often gets ugly. People tend to pick sides and the splitting couple often try to force the issue.

I would, however, mention it to your DH and ask him if he thinks it more likely that Y is mocking you or X is trying to get you to take sides.

If you had made a pass at Y, I very much doubt he would go round telling all and sundry about it if he wanted to remain friends with you both.

andubelievedthat · 22/04/2013 16:33

playground conduct from him (imo) though if, as you have said "so blind drunk i still would"nt,>blind drunk peeps are unlikely to recall with any certainty what they did, hence "blind drunk" and yes ,i have been 7 sheets to the wind , sometimes.

Trillz · 22/04/2013 16:41

Are you sure that:
X is not lying?
X has not been lied to?

It's possible that Y is saying nothing of the sort.

Jestrin · 22/04/2013 16:45

If it were me, I'd need to find out the truth and so you need to talk to Y to find out their side and then see from there.

DeepRedBetty · 22/04/2013 16:46

My immediate instinct was that x might be lying, exaggerating, or only listening to the bits she wants to hear to make everyone else feel as unhappy as she does, or to get at y in some obscure way.

I'd avoid getting involved if at all possible.

Original poster

extremepie · 22/04/2013 18:02

That is a good point Dahlen about him not saying anything if he wanted to stay mine & DH's friend, I can't imagine what he could have to gain from telling anyone....

Trillz that was my first instinct, just something about the whole thing seems very odd and wrong and given this isn't the first time that X has said bitchy nasty things about Y I wouldn't be wholly surprised to find it isn't true at all but I just don't know :(

OP posts:

Maat · 22/04/2013 18:24

My gut instinct when reading your OP was that X is probably stirring things.

Now you say this wouldn't be the first time, that's made my feelings stronger.

What is your DH's view of X ?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/04/2013 18:39

X is just bitter and making trouble IGNORE

Original poster

extremepie · 22/04/2013 19:01

DH thinks x is a nice girl but has got a lot of issues - and her sister is a nasty piece of work who has a bit of a vendetta against y (probably for daring to dump her sister!)

X and Y had a bit of a public slanging match when they first broke up too, mostly via FB and x had an army of people coming on to back her up and stick their oars in. It almost seems to be a competition between them sometimes!

I didn't really want to get involved before and I certainly don't want to now but I think to use me to get to him would be a bit low :(

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 22/04/2013 19:07

If it's something you can't ignore, ask Y if he has said these things. If it comes about that he has said nothing and nothing happened (as I suspect) and X is a shit stirring bitch, then tell her to fuck right off.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/04/2013 19:16

Don't defend yourself, don't stoop to their level, ignore.

Where was DH when this supposed drunken pass was made at Y?

I'm pretty sure that if I mention it to DH he will be furious - either with his friend for making shit up about his wife or with his wife (me) for trying it on with his mate and I don't want to fuck up our relationship over this or ruin his friendship with Y.

If you don't mention it DH probably won't be very happy either if he gets wind of this elsewhere but if your relationship is usually strong and you don't either of have a history of inappropriate behaviour around friends, he'll believe you won't he?

Original poster

extremepie · 22/04/2013 19:22

I've just realised something!

The girl who told x about what y 'said' is a good friend of x's sister.

Who hates y.

She also suspects y of reporting her to SS (which he hasn't!)

She had a go at me for still being friends with Y after x and y broke up.

Hmmm....

Sounds a little suspicious to me!
Think I'm just going to ignore it and hope that whoever started this whole thing is royally pissed off that I haven't risen to the bait and defriended y :D

OP posts:

seekingpeaceandquiet · 22/04/2013 19:52

My first thought after reading your op was that X was stirring.
Hope you get this resolved soon.

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