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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel strange about this??

13 replies

IRCL · 20/04/2013 23:34

Bit of background, Mum and Dad split last year, both have new partners (they've been together around 6 months)

Anyway my Dad has just announced that his new girlfriend is pregnant! She is 10 years younger than him around 40/41. (Not that I have an issue with)

Since finding out I feel really weird about it, My Dad wasn't exactly the best dad growing up and didn't really bother with us an awful lot if anything I would go as far to say I was raised by mum. If everything goes OK there will be 22 years between me and my half brother/sister.

I can't believe my Dad has done this really, it is relatively soon and I can't believe that they've let it happen, he is a Granddad himself!

So AIBU to feel a little freaked out by this?!

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 20/04/2013 23:37

lordy NO yanbu to be freaked out by it but it is what it is - you kind of have to suck it up and get on with it x

ALittleStranger · 20/04/2013 23:38

No, it's entirely natural to be freaked out. New partners are hard, unexpected pregnancies can be challenging, your dad becoming a father again when you'd presumably moved him into "grandad" is difficult. All told you're perfectly entitled to find this a bit of a head fuck.

Luckily you have some time to process all this before the baby comes along. Has he acknowledged it might all be a bit weird for you?

Bambalam · 20/04/2013 23:42

I would feel very odd if I were in the same situation. But I am also interested in the other responses you get because I was that surprise, second-marriage child with around 22 years between me and my older half-sibs.

SpanishFly · 20/04/2013 23:44

Christ I'd be nuts about this (even though it's their business). My dad was like yours - everyone loves him but he was quite dickish to my sister and I. He's a wonderful grandad but that (secretly) fucking pisses me off cos he's NOW being the dad he should have been.

cantspel · 20/04/2013 23:46

So your dad is about 50? and starting a new family with his second partner.
I dont think there is anything weird about this but i can see why you are struggling with it. But these days 50 is not old and why should he not want a family in his new relationship.

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly · 20/04/2013 23:46

There's 19 year between me and my sister and 21 year between me and my brother.

This was my mum having two more children to her new husband. I was not happy at all. Me and my mum were pregnant at the same time and my son is 3 month older then his aunt and 18 month older then his uncle.

YANBU to be freaked out. I was exactly the same but now I wouldn't change them for anything. It is weird and i find myself acting more like a mum then a sister to them sometimes especially when my sons around them too.
My mum is 40 and her husband 52.

Original poster

IRCL · 20/04/2013 23:47

Nice to know I am not the only one who finds it all a bit weird!

I haven't even met the woman yet, all just feel strange my Dad being a dad again when I now know him as granddad!

But I will smile and keep my thoughts to myself whilst secretly finding it a bit weird especially with me expecting dc2 myself! The biggest age gap will be my brother.. 32 yrs between him and his new brother/sister.

OP posts:

Original poster

IRCL · 20/04/2013 23:49

cantspel he is 51 I think!

I just don't really see why he would want a new baby/family he was never hands on or that interested in us, no family holidays, sent most of his time down the pub or in the bookies, just seems weird really. Something I can't quite picture, I also think it is a little soon in the relationship. but I know these things happen

OP posts:

cantspel · 20/04/2013 23:54

Maybe he wants a second chance to get it right and now feels he would be a better father.
If your dad is 51 and you have a brother of 32 then he must have been only 19 when he first became a father. That is very young and maybe he just didn't know how to be a good dad back then. Hopefully he is a different man now then he was 32 years ago.

SpanishFly · 21/04/2013 00:10

I think the "I haven't even met the woman yet" is part of the issue here.

Original poster

IRCL · 21/04/2013 00:44

Maybe cantspel, although he had his last child at roughly 30 and still didn't get it quite right then, we shall see!

Could be spanish I would like to but she lives quite far away from where we are, maybe one day soon though.

OP posts:

SpanishFly · 21/04/2013 09:41

PS I didn't mean that in a mean way, just its a weird enough situation without even having met the woman in question.
I totally understand how you feel, particularly the fact that he wasn't a good father to you.

bedhaven · 21/04/2013 10:41

YANBU to be a bit freaked out but whether he intended this to happen or not, it is happening.
It's similar to my situation, except I'm the new pregnant GF (now wife with 2 kids!).
I feel extremely lucky that my husbands 2 older kids (23 and 25 when we got together) have always accepted our situation. They love their little sister and brother and selflessly wish their Dad every happiness.
In some ways, because I now have DC's I understand the bond and don't feel jealous, which I probably would have if we didn't have DC's together. It has joined us all as a family and I totally respect my step childrens maturity and altruism.
Your Dad has the benefit of 20 odd years life experience and times change. He may be different this time, that's no reflection on his feelings for you just different expectations & circumstances. What's he like as a Grandad?
It may be an opportunity to talk to your Dad about how his absence affected you. Thinking kindly, he may not realise it did.

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