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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sit in the bastard DARK!?

45 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 19/04/2013 22:25

DH always puts the fucking light off....in the sitting room. He does it when we're watching a film or he is.

I think it's selfish and I've had a paddy and left him in there. This was meant to be our night together and he's HAD to do it even though he knows I hate it.

If you want darkness GO TO SLEEP! AIBU to think it's hugely selfish?

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 19/04/2013 22:26

my parents used to do that!

AgentZigzag · 19/04/2013 22:28

Do you mean the main ceiling light or all the lights?

I wouldn't want the big light glaring all night, but dark is too...dark Grin

How did it get to the level of you going off in a strop though? Is he really that intent on having it off? (the light! Wink)

Why would he do something he knows fucks you off?

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 19/04/2013 22:34

All of them Agent! He insists...I insist and then I storm off because he keeps insisting which pisses me off as there's no inbetween!

OP posts:
PseudoBadger · 19/04/2013 22:36

Men don't believe in lamps IME. Or cushions.

AgentZigzag · 19/04/2013 22:38

I can't imagine why you'd want to sit in the dark, it makes it much harder to watch the telly because it's so stark, and like you say, stay awake.

We've got a little lamp in a corner which just gives enough light to see stuff without blinding us.

I can see how it'd fuck you off if he's doing something he knows you won't like and you thought you were having a night in just the two of you, it's like he's excluding you from the room.

Is he watching something he knows you wouldn't want to watch?

ratspeaker · 19/04/2013 22:40

Get a torch
or several toches
and one of those camping lights
and a head torch
and lots of candles

AgentZigzag · 19/04/2013 22:45

It's your room too, how come he thinks he can manipulate you into stropping off gets to dictate?

deleted203 · 19/04/2013 22:49

It would fuck me off. I probably don't want to watch the film. I want to read - so leave the bloody light on for me, please. Even if I do want to watch the film I hate watching it in a pitch dark room - it hurts my eyes.

Anyway...anyone who insists on doing something that you have repeatedly said you don't like is BVVU in my book.

qualitytoffee · 19/04/2013 22:52

right, whenever he wants to do a crap in the loo, keep the light off, lets see how he copes then. But, its YOUR space too. so its not up to him actually, (does he have night blindness) ....

rumbelina · 19/04/2013 22:53

I nearly posted this thread tonight - at Pil's house, telly on light off. I mean we're sat In. The. Dark.

I couldn't actually think of a decent argument other than its fucking weird, and I love pil to bits so just feebly said the dark might send me to sleep - they said don't worry we'll put you to bed.

YAsoooooooNBU

AgentZigzag · 19/04/2013 22:55

Sitting in the total darkness apart from the telly totally shuts off doing anything else but focus on the box, you can't even look at the other person!

WMittens · 19/04/2013 22:56

DH always puts the fucking light off....in the sitting room. He does it when we're watching a film or he is.

I think it's selfish and I've had a paddy and left him in there. This was meant to be our night together and he's HAD to do it even though he knows I hate it.

So you may hate watching a film like that, but he likes watching a film like that - why are you right and he is wrong? I would usually have the light on, but having the light off can help you pick up detail in dark areas of the screen which might otherwise be missed, and can also give a cinematic feel.

It sounds like you both need to do some growing up.

RobotLover68 · 19/04/2013 22:58

OP I can't bear it either YANBU

sandyballs · 19/04/2013 23:02

I sometimes worry that my DDs would grow up like this if I died suddenly, although I realise that might possibly not be high up on their list of worries.

But DH goes for either bright ceiling lights everywhere or darkness! WTF turn some lamps on. It funking bugs me.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 19/04/2013 23:02

WMittens he could have ASKED first and also it's about compromise. A lamp for instance.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 19/04/2013 23:04

'It sounds like you both need to do some growing up.'

Whether you prefer the light on or off during the evening/watching telly, is hardly an indicator of how mature you are.

What is it about the OP wanting the light on that makes you think she needs to 'grow up'?

WMittens · 19/04/2013 23:07

NeoMaxi

You're right, which is why I said you both need to grow up.

This sounds like (the two of you) engineering an argument so both of you can get a negative pay off rather than trying to solve the problem and reach a compromise.

WMittens · 19/04/2013 23:10

What is it about the OP wanting the light on that makes you think she needs to 'grow up'?

Nothing - "I've had a paddy and left him in there" makes me think she needs to do some growing up.

'Growing up' was a bit harsh and judgemental - what I really mean is to approach the matter in a reasoned manner to avoid entering into a psychological game; if he continues to try and invite the OP into such a game, it is best to identify it out loud for what it is, refuse to enter into it and keep up the reasoned approach.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 19/04/2013 23:17

I do like the idea of a passive aggressive donning of the head lamp whenever he turns it off Grin

notsoyoniface · 19/04/2013 23:25

Eh? I may have taken this the wrong way... but you are both watching a film or the telly, and he has turned the light off so you can watch said film or TV programme without distraction. And that's wrong?

It's your night together... in the dark... have some fun in the dark, don't post here... Grin

yonisparechangemr · 19/04/2013 23:30

So it's not just mines then! Grin

Op I share your pain Thanks

VerySmallSqueak · 19/04/2013 23:32

Mine turns all the lights in the house off when we watch films like '28 weeks later.'
As we are rural there is little light filtering in from outside so it's pitch black.

He then wonders why I'm too scared to go to the loo alone!

YANBU.

soontobeslendergirl · 19/04/2013 23:36

isn't that bad for your eyes?

Apileofballyhoo · 19/04/2013 23:53

DH does this too. So annoying. YANBU. But mainly NBU because it's supposed to be your shared time together and he knows you hate it. Hurtful.

thistlelicker · 19/04/2013 23:54

I hate the ceiling light on!!! I'd rather sit in dark than have it on!!!

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