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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know I am, but how bad is it?

49 replies

Thickskinned · 18/04/2013 20:48

Have name changed for this as am very likely to get flamed (and don't want to out myself).

Before I went on mat leave I worked full time, but returned on 30 hours pw (0.8 WTE). This was 18 months ago. DH and I realised that the finances aren't really stacking up so I decided to go back full time. My manager agreed with this. I will admit that part of the reason is because I was ttc and knew the full time salary would come in handy. I use most of my annual leave on the day I had off anyway so not much change for dd.

I recently had my BFP and will be going on mat leave again at the end of the year. I know my colleagues will think I have only increased my hours for the mat pay (they will be partially right). I'm expecting quite a bit of stick for this!

In my defence, my workload has not changed at all (if anything it has increased) so I could've been FT the whole time hence in effect I have saved money for my employer over the past 18m.

So I'm sure We'll all agree IABU, but how bad is it? Do I deserve everything I get?

PS Does it make any difference if I tell you I work for the NHS?

OP posts:

AgentProvocateur · 18/04/2013 20:52

If I was your colleague, I wouldn't say anything to you (or anyone) but I would be thinking it was a bit off. Sorry.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 18/04/2013 20:55

I too work for the NHS and worked with someone who did this. It did not go down well amongst her colleagues and 3 years later she's still remembered for it.

MamaMumra · 18/04/2013 20:57

I don't think it's a big deal at all. I wouldn't think badly of a colleague who did this.

MsVestibule · 18/04/2013 20:58

I don't think YABU at all and it's got sod all to do with your colleagues. You tried going part time, it didn't really work financially, so you increased your hours. The fact that you were TTC is irrelevant. It could have you taken years to actually conceive - are you supposed to remain PT, just so your colleagues don't bad mouth you?

Original poster

Thickskinned · 18/04/2013 20:58

So very bad. I thought so. Well I've made my bed......

OP posts:

MamaMumra · 18/04/2013 20:59

Or even remain celibate msV

brainonastick · 18/04/2013 20:59

Not that bad in the context of some of the horrific things that people do in the world. I'm assuming that you do intend to go back after ML, so your employer will get the benefit of your continued service?

LinghamStyle · 18/04/2013 21:02

It wouldn't bother me if I was your colleague, will you be returning full time after this mat leave?

I was nearly 5 months pregnant when I returned to work from my second mat leave, I felt guilty but no-one else was bothered.

Sokmonsta · 18/04/2013 21:04

I don't think it's a big deal. But then I've had three periods of maternity leave since 2008. I fully took advantage of full time maternity pay although preg no3 being twins was a shock.

Anyway, women of childbearing age get enough stick about when/whether they want children. The way I see it, it averages out eventually with those who don't have children.

Takver · 18/04/2013 21:04

Just look horrified when you tell your colleagues about dc2, and moan about contraceptive failures?

TBH if you're not going on mat leave until the end of the year, you'll have been f/t for a fair while, won't you. (And it's not your employer whose paying, anyway, they get the money back from HMRC, so its not like its directly affecting the NHS.)

Jinty64 · 18/04/2013 21:04

You will presumably go back full time after your mat leave. If I was your employer I wouldn't be too bothered but would not consider a further request for part time.

javabean · 18/04/2013 21:04

Surely the extra maternity pay you will get is minimal? Unless your work offer a brilliant package and you're on a fantastic wage (remember that most of the statutory pay comes from the govt, not from the pocket of your employer).

Honestly, I don't see a problem.

middleagedspread · 18/04/2013 21:06

You're allowed a twinge of guilt, but ultimately you're doing what's best for you & you're family.
I'd do the same.

middleagedspread · 18/04/2013 21:07

Your family even.

CloudsAndTrees · 18/04/2013 21:07

If you are going back full time after you have had dc2, then I don't see a problem. If you go back to part time, or even leave, then you are massively taking the piss and you deserve no respect from our employer or your colleagues.

DontmindifIdo · 18/04/2013 21:08

i do'nt think it's all that bad - because now your mat leave will be a full time job to be filled, not a part time job.

If you are doing the work load of a full time person in part time hours, you might suck that up for the flexibility, but when you'd gone off on your second mat leave, your colleagues would have someone new in the job working part time or trying to get someone to cover it by taking someone part time up to full time when your work load is a full time job in itself - there's no way that wouldn't have a negative impact on everyone else. this way the budget is in place for a full time person in your role. Your boss can argue to HR that your hours can't just be divided up with everyone else as it's only part time, they need a full time person in that job. (esp if it's someone new to the role)

I wouldn't be pissed off with you, you aren't taking money out of their pockets, and you work for a large enough organisation for it not to feel like you are cheating them.

I would say make a point of being seen to be busy, make sure your workload justifies a full time role.

Timeforabiscuit · 18/04/2013 21:08

I actually wouldn't give a shiny shite - you are working full time or part time and get paid according to contract. It has NOTHING to do with your colleagues, be discrete by all means if you feel people will be judgy von holier than thou - but you haven't done anything wrong or even immoral IMO.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 18/04/2013 21:08

Agree, it's ok as long as you are sure you will not want to go pt again as you will have burned that bridge.

DontSHOUTTTTTT · 18/04/2013 21:08

I think it is ok. I wouldn't worry about it.

You could have taken a long time to get pregnant and you changed your hours because of your finances.

Congrats on your pregnancy

MsVestibule · 18/04/2013 21:09

MamaMumra I had to reread my post three times before I got your joke!

Seriously OP, don't feel bad. And DrGoogle why were her colleagues remotely concerned about this? I can understand why an owner of a small company might be a bit about it, but colleagues of somebody in a huge organisation like the NHS??? It has nothing whatsoever do with her colleagues and I genuinely can't understand why anybody would waste more than half a nano second thinking about it, let alone dredging it up three years later...

CheeseOnTop · 18/04/2013 21:10

Not that bad imo. I am full time and put off going reduced hours for the reasons detailed by you-I suspect my workload won't decrease, just my pay: If you were doing a full time job anyway you deserve that pay, ttc or not.

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2013 21:10

Does being flamed give you some sort of sexual pleasure?

I seem to remember you (or someone) posting about this a while back and you (or they) got a BFF (Big Fat Flaming).

Your job and your life, I really don't know why you're asking again

DontmindifIdo · 18/04/2013 21:10

BTW - i would hold off telling colleagues other than your direct line manager for a while that you are pregnant, get as far along as you can so people are used to the fact you work full time.

badguider · 18/04/2013 21:11

when i worked for a big organisation i would just have been glad to have you in full time as pt colleagues generally meant more work for fulltimers. you've got another 7-8ish months to work fulltime before your mat leave (assuming you're only in your first six weeks?) i'd be glad to have you and wouldn't have cared less what pay you got while you were off.

chubbymomie2012 · 18/04/2013 21:11

I think u must b a nurse. I am
And this is commonplace in my hosp.

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