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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To know what country ex is gone on holidays?

20 replies

Suesue22 · 16/04/2013 11:05

Just being watching sad news about Boston those poor innocent people. Got me thinking my ex is currently on hols I don't know when he's going or where to. I don't want to know the details just the country or area! He just told me he's unavailable to see his children because he's going away. Imagine he was in Boston and I didn't know. AIBU to know what country he's in?

OP posts:
freddiemisagreatshag · 16/04/2013 11:06

Yes it's none of your business.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2013 11:06

Does he have a mobile that works globally?

flowery · 16/04/2013 11:11

If you mean AIBU to want to know, then yes.

I assumed from the thread title you were going to say he was taking your children on holiday without you knowing where they were going or something.

Presumably if something happened to him while he was away at any point you would be notified? What would be the advantage if you knew where he was going to be in advance?

WorraLiberty · 16/04/2013 11:11

I don't get it?

Is he on hols right now or not?

Original poster
Suesue22 · 16/04/2013 11:12

Yes he does have a mobile not sure about it working globally I wouldn't be contacting him anyway. When he goes away he forgets he has kids. I just think its strange his kids don't even know what country he's in.

OP posts:
flowery · 16/04/2013 11:13

YANBU to want to know rough dates, so if you genuinely have no idea when he's going to be back, that's something to address.

TigOldBitties · 16/04/2013 11:15

YABU, he's an adult and can go where he pleases. I don't have to tell my DC where I go or where I go on holiday without them if I don't want to.

Its the same as what you do while the DC are at school, you don't have to tell them where you've been or what you've been up to. Something equally bad could happen during the day.

freddiemisagreatshag · 16/04/2013 11:15

Why on earth is it your business? He's your ex. If something happens, someone will let you know - he must have other nexts of kin like parents.

What would you do? You want to phone him because there's been a bomb in Boston? So what? You'd never know to phone him if he fell off a cliff or got knocked down by a bus on holiday.

Seriously, I don't get it.

Original poster
Suesue22 · 16/04/2013 11:16

He's on hols for 2 weeks from work but told kids he's going away maybe mon or tue or wed!! Plays mind games all the time but yet wants to know where we are 24/7.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2013 11:17

I'd be pissed off if I didn't have a way to contact him in an emergency, but otherwise I'd think it was weird he wouldn't tell me but wouldn't be particularly cross about it.

niceguy2 · 16/04/2013 11:19

The question is this. How does knowing what country he is in change anything? In other words, what value is that information?

The real answer is none.

It's perfectly understandable to want to know what country he is in but there's no logical reason to actually NEED to know.

If he doesn't want to be contacted whilst he is away in case of any emergencies then that's his prerogative. But then if there is an emergency then he cannot blame you for making any necessary decisions without his input.

WorraLiberty · 16/04/2013 11:22

Is he always weird about telling people where he's holidaying or is there another reason for not telling you?

I mean have you had any arguments about money for example and he doesn't want to tell you he's off to Mauritius?

flowery · 16/04/2013 11:23

Don't tell him where you are 24/7 then. Tell him to mind his own business.

Greythorne · 16/04/2013 11:25

But what about the other way round. He's away, the OP doesn't know where he is, one of their DC gets ill / injured / hospitalised.

She should be able to contact him.

YANBU

Original poster
Suesue22 · 16/04/2013 11:27

I do tell him flowery but then he questions the kids. I don't need to know where he is. Thanks all for the replies.

OP posts:
kelda · 16/04/2013 11:27

was just about to post the same as Greythorne.

Presumably he doesn't think about his children when he goes on holiday.

freddiemisagreatshag · 16/04/2013 11:28

Don't tell him then if he's questioning you.

If something happens when he's away and you can't contact him on his mobile, then deal with it. Just like you'd have to do even if you did contact him. Realistically, what difference does it make? Very little.

ajandjjmum · 16/04/2013 11:36

Would you have a way of contacting him in an emergency - parents, friend etc? If so, then I think YABU.

Original poster
Suesue22 · 16/04/2013 11:37

No worra no arguements about hols he's free to go where he likes. Doesn't matter where he is I should just enjoy the peace :-)

OP posts:
FreudiansSlipper · 16/04/2013 11:54

often after an incident like this we think the worse it is natural and looking at the pictures it is easy to see why

think about it what would he be doing there unless he often takes part in marathons the likelihood of him being there is very very very very slim

the ex is away this week not sure where do not need to know i know he goes to the far east if something happened there i would send a text just asking if he is ok nothing more is needed. a few years back he had being staying close to a hotel that was bombed in Indonesia though it happened a few days after he left (works there often), i had no idea where he was i was not too worried but it nagged me. it got such an emotional response from him i am glad i sent the text one i knew he was ok and secondly i am the mother to his child it acknowledged his importance to me

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