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AIBU?

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Original poster

6 yr old with a dummy

26 replies

Stinkydad · 16/04/2013 08:24

my 6 yr old still used a dummy ,and it drives me up the wall :(
mummy says he will grow out of it in his own time,
how can i persuade her ( considaring she is one of the most awkward person i have ever met ) to be on my side without causing an argumnet again
should i just leave it and give in or should i put my foot down and throw them all out in the bin ( she will just go out and buy some new ones anyway ?

any advise please

OP posts:
TiredyCustards · 16/04/2013 08:27

Have you taken your dc to the dentist lately? They might have something to say, now adult teeth will be coming through.

freddiemisagreatshag · 16/04/2013 08:28

I wouldn't worry. He's highly unlikely to have a dummy when he's 21

Since she's not supportive it's not a battle you can win so let it go

Catsize · 16/04/2013 08:33

I would be concerned about speech. It is awful watching a child trying to talk through a mouth plug. Perhaps that might persuade his mum. And he would look so much nicer!
My friend did a brilliant thing. Went through a planting ceremony in the garden, planted dummy, and the next day, a flower/bush/something had grown (note -don't forget to buy in advance!). Your child would be old enough to engage with ths. If you don't have a garden, find a bit of grass somewhere and get burying!

BenjaminButton172 · 16/04/2013 09:42

Freddie i wouldnt be worried about the child still having a dummy at 21. I would however be worried about damaged teeth and speech.

freddiemisagreatshag · 16/04/2013 09:43

Yes, in an ideal world. But given that the mother is dead set against it, Stinky's options are limited.

WW3 over dummies may not be the best idea.

samithesausage · 16/04/2013 10:05

My 8 year old still uses a dummy. Luckily he knows he shouldn't, and is very conscious of it, so at school he doesn't have it.
We tried everything and he can't give it up. (He has aspergers so it may be something to do with it)
You could try a few ground rules around it, like not having it outside the house, and also if he speaks say "I can't understand you take the dummy out". Perhaps work up to certain times when he's allowed to have it?

IceCubes · 16/04/2013 10:12

My son has just given his up ages nearly 8. He has ASD so has been seen a lot by a lot of specialists and the general consensus was that even 'average' kids continue to have dummies up to the age of 7 or thereabouts and it was of no concern to them whatsoever.

I set ground rules ( eg. Only dummies at bedtime) and increased them over time so that dummy use became restricted. He eventually swapped his dummies/gave them to his baby brother in exchange for a DVD and a chocolate bar!

I know it's an ideal situation, but he will give it up in his own time!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 16/04/2013 10:17

Take it away when she stays at yours? Tell her that at daddy's it's not allowed? In the hope that after a few stays she may tell her mum that she doesn't want it any more?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 16/04/2013 10:18

Sorry - he Blush apologies for using wrong word

DeWe · 16/04/2013 10:20

Find something he wants and tell him he had to pay for it with a dummy. Worked for my friend.
Child got a watch, shop person very kindly played along and accepted the dummy as payment (cash slipped across quietly). That evening child said "I need my dummy". Mum said "you paid for you watch with it, do you remember?" Child never mentioned it again.

But you do need to make sure that there aren't any other dummies available in the house.

I believe if you put a pin prick in the dummy it makes them nasty to suck on.

Heinz55 · 16/04/2013 10:22

My DD had one til 6. Then she gave them up (one night of upset) and I was so sorry afterwards as we had more than our fair share of family upheaval that year and I always felt she could've done with the comfort of a soother. My mum always said she won't be graduating with that in her mouth so don't worry about it. She's 10 now with no dental problems. I really don't think it's anyones business but yours and your dd's so try not to be too swayed by interfering old busybodies saying they shouldn't have them (why the hell not!) From about 2 yrs old though DD was only allowed the soother in bed so at 6yrs she would come home from school and go upstairs for a while and then come back down all restored! She ended up having (ineffective) therapy and went from being a confident daredevil to being afraid of her shadow because of subsequent events and I maintain that if she'd had her dummy she'd have had an easier time coming to terms with what happened! The practical downside was that she was in hospital for a spell and really wanted her soother but wouldn't use it because she didn't want anybody to see it and comment so barely slept while she was there which was the impetus I needed to get rid of it altogether.

deliasniff · 16/04/2013 10:24

Both my children had dummies up until 7 or 8 but only when they were ready for bed. They would have been horrified if anyone outside of our home had known but we had been through a rough time and it was a form of comfort for them so I didn't push it. They didn't even sleep with them it was just for an hour or so in the evening and first thing in the morning.

What I did with both of them though to get them to voluntarily give them up was to find something they really wanted and agree they could have it if they gave up the dummy for a week. My daughter really wanted her ears pierced and my son wanted a new psp game. They both chose when they were ready and they both got something they really wanted After a week they didn't want the dummy back and it was sorted in a kind way rather than me just throwing them out or getting cross.

Isitme1 · 16/04/2013 10:29

Just wwnt to say I know a 19yr old with a child who still has a dummy. Her teeth are fine

MyLittleDiva · 16/04/2013 10:34

I had a dummy until I was 6, lovely straight teeth and have never needed any dental work. One of my dc still has a dummy at 5 to settle to sleep. I wouldn't be getting too worried about it, some children really do need the comfort.

noisytoys · 16/04/2013 10:42

DD still sucks her fingers to get off to sleep. It settles her, she likes it. I don't see the difference. How many people who are judgemental still have thumb sucking DC's!!

Tee2072 · 16/04/2013 11:24

I imagine my son will still have a dummy at night at 6 or later. he's nearly 4 now.

He just doesn't have it from the time he gets up until he goes upstairs for bed.

His speech is fine and so are his teeth.

farewellfarewell · 16/04/2013 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feminine · 16/04/2013 12:27

My eldest had one till he was 5.

he loved it!

Now 14, his teeth are fine.

Don't worry....It probably be a distant memory by 7!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/04/2013 12:30

I had one till I was at least 6. I can shtill shpeak fine Grin

I gave mine up when a friend came round, saw my stash and said scornfully "Whose are they? Only babies have dummies." Does your DD have a bribable scornful friend?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/04/2013 12:32

PS Stinkydad - "One of the most awkward people I've ever met" I like her already. She probably got it off here, and is over on Relationships right now being urged to LTB who keeps pressuring her about dummies Grin

HorryIsUpduffed · 16/04/2013 13:19

How often does he use it? All day? Just for falling asleep? Just when he is manipulating his mother?

Are you and his mother together?

Not enough information in OP Grin

bedmonster · 16/04/2013 13:28

I'm so surprised at the amount of older children with dummies! Please don't think I mean that in a judgy way, I really don't, i'm just genuinely surprised. We made both the DDs say goodbye to theirs, DD1 was just over 2 and DD2 was just over 3. DS still has his at 18m, but will be looking to lose it in a year or so. I just thought everyone got rid of them at a similar age. :)

OP, are you and his mother together? It's not clear from your OP to me. If so, you should be able to sit and talk about it rationally together and make a plan about the future and how best to phase it out. I appreciate that if you are separated, it might be more difficult if your situation is awkward to have that conversation. No real advice, sorry, but hope you get it sorted soon.

MandragoraWurzelstock · 16/04/2013 13:38

Talk to her - are you still together or is this contentious as part of a contact arrangement?

Why does it bother you?

Ds1 had one till he was 7 (started at 3). It didn't bother me unless he used it while trying to talk to me, then I got frustrated because I couldn't understand him. His teeth were FINE. his speech was among the best speech I've encountered in a child - but he didn't have it till he was already very fluent obvs.

Ds2 has never used one, he breastfed till nearly 5 and his teeth are not great - we neglected to brush them enough when I was pregnant and very ill. Nothing to do with dummies.

MandragoraWurzelstock · 16/04/2013 13:39

Oh and another kid in his class had one till the same age. Nothing wrong with her.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/04/2013 14:49

Well I have never had a dummy and instead sucked my thumb until I was 20+ years old.
So I would let it carry on for now.
He'll give it up soon enough.
Pick your battles!!!
This one isn't worth it!