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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being over-sensitive? (bit of a rant)

27 replies

forank · 15/04/2013 17:48

I realise that it is highly probable that I AM being over-sensitive, what with pregnancy hormones running amok and whathaveyou...but here goes..

My DH and I have just bought our first family home. We are thrilled to bits and couldn't be happier with the home we've chosen. As we're buying in an in-demand area of London, we had to move quickly when making our decision and offer...meaning that my MIL didn't get a chance to see the property before we had our offer accepted.

We sent her over the details from Rightmove so that she could get an idea, and she has since driven through the area to have a look.

Since then, she has not stopped nit-picking! She has a problem with the layout of downstairs, the size of the garden, the direction the garden is facing, the bathroom, etc. She thinks the house is 'too close to Bounds Green' even though its nowhere near BG and very squarely in Muswell Hill. She's panicking about the fact that DH plans to get to the tube station by cutting through a wooded area (which is common practice, according to others who live on the road),...I feel like I could continue for years!

Is she being reasonable to express these concerns and criticisms? Or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
BadgersRetreat · 15/04/2013 17:50

is she moving in with you, or paying for it?

if not she needs to wind her neck in, if you ask me Grin

freddiemisagreatshag · 15/04/2013 17:50

A wee word of advice.

Sort her now before she gets properly started. Or this will never stop.

magimedi · 15/04/2013 17:51

YANBU

It's your house - not hers.

She is being a bit of a cow, frankly.

HollyBerryBush · 15/04/2013 17:53

She's panicking about the fact that DH plans to get to the tube station by cutting through a wooded area

Why? does she think he'll start dogging or cottaging ??? >arf arf<

Well, I suppose it depends on your family dynamics; Dh and I would look at a house then take Dad and FIL round to check the gubbins before committing. But I wouldn't have asked an opinion per se on whether they liked it, just whether it was fit for purpose.

In this instance your MIL would be wise to wind her neck in and not piss on your chips. Although, a south facing garden is nice!

Solaia · 15/04/2013 17:55

YANBU! Sounds like a nightmare. Think you/DH need to tell her straight up that you are extremely happy with the house and look forward to many happy times there. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to visit, but you'd appreciate it if she could keep her negative comments to herself. Maybe she doesn't realise she is being so negative... Confused

wifey6 · 15/04/2013 17:55

Ignore the nit-picking & enjoy this exciting time! Unless she is moving in or paying towards this home- theres no need to take what he says on board. Congratulations on your new home.

FeckOffCup · 15/04/2013 17:55

I think she is being unreasonable about the house layout and area as it's bought now and you like the house the way it is so she'll just have to get over it. The wooded area might be a valid concern in terms of possible muggings etc but I admit I don't know London or the areas you have mentioned very well at all so she might be worrying needlessly.

Solaia · 15/04/2013 17:56

Oh and may I be the first to suggest

'did you mean to be so rude?'

Grin
Crinkle77 · 15/04/2013 17:56

You just need to tell her in a firm but nice wahy that you are very happy with your decision and hopefully she will get the message

PregnantPain · 15/04/2013 17:58

Tell her to shove off, it isn't her who is living there, you are and you are happy.

Sugarice · 15/04/2013 17:58

Get dh to tell her you're both very happy and excited and she should button it!

Is she always so interfering?

stealthsquiggle · 15/04/2013 17:59

Ignore her. Or just repeat "it's a shame you don't like x about the house, but we do, and it's our house"

stealthsquiggle · 15/04/2013 17:59

Or what solaila said Grin

Plomdenume · 15/04/2013 18:01

PMSL at 'too close to Bounds Green'. BG was positively aspirational to those who lived in the not-quite-as-rural-as-it-sounds Wood Green...

Original poster
forank · 15/04/2013 18:02

Thanks, ladies! Thankful for the reassurance!

DH has been very patient with her, for which I am incredibly grateful!

Sugarice- she doesn't usually meddle this much!

I do appreciate that buying a property is a big commitment, and I'm sure she doesn't realise that what she's saying is a little out of line. I think part of my problem is that my DH and I are both rather well-fucntioning adults, so all of her second-guessing is feeling a bit condescending, tbh.

OP posts:
YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad · 15/04/2013 18:03

I would point out in a condescending tone:

"Well everyone's different, aren't they? For example, I would never have a fountain in my garden or an east-facing conservatory* but it's personal preference isn't it?"

*substitute for features of your MIL's property.

Original poster
forank · 15/04/2013 18:03

Plomdenume- she has a bit of a track record of snobbiness that has taken me some getting-used-to!

OP posts:
Sugarice · 15/04/2013 18:03

Are you moving close to where she lives or further afield?

Original poster
forank · 15/04/2013 18:05

She's up in Cockfosters and we'll be in Muswell Hill, so not terribly far away...

OP posts:
badguider · 15/04/2013 18:06

you say 'she didn't get a chance to look at it' before you made the offer but would you seriously have taken her to look?
DH and i would never take our parents to look at a house we were thinking of buying... i didn't even take my parents to see the first flat i ever bought till after i'd bought it.
It's YOUR house, for YOUR taste and YOUR lifestyle and YOUR needs, why would she know better than you if it's right or not??

NorksAreMessy · 15/04/2013 18:07

nod and smile, nod and smile

and then scamper off to enjoy your lovely house.

It is NONE of her business

Squitten · 15/04/2013 18:08

My MIL is snobby about this kind of stuff too. Thankfully DH couldn't give a stuff about her opinion so she knew nothing about it until it was all done and dusted. We always get the little criticisms though - we'll have to move house when DC3 arrives (we won't), we need a bigger kitchen (we don't), the school across the road is full of black people questionable, etc, etc.

Either learn to ignore it and laugh about her with your DH, or nip it in the bud now!

Original poster
forank · 15/04/2013 18:09

badguider- we had taken her to see some other properties that we were considering. In the beginning I was grateful for her opinions, primarily because I'm English and don't know London nearly as well as she does. It was nice for DH to have someone to sound concerns off of that actually knew heads from tails!

However, I would have hoped that once we made a decision she would have been more supportive, and I've been a bit disappointed with her tone.

OP posts:
Original poster
forank · 15/04/2013 18:10

I'm *NOT English

OP posts:
cassell · 15/04/2013 18:16

Well I'd rather live in muswell hill than cockfosters

maybe she's envious of your house? Grin