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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a wedding invite.......

15 replies

wigglewiggle32 · 11/04/2013 06:03

.....When 10 months ago we were sent a save the date fridge magnet???
I find this all very odd tbh. Dh was good friends with the bloke, they worked together. Then this bloke moved away but they have always stayed in contact via phonecalls and texts etc.
Dh last spoke to him 2w ago and asked if all the wedding plans were going well and he got a bit edgy on the phone. Wedding is in 4w time and we have had nothing!
Im thinking they have probably run out of space but I think its very rude not to let us know. We have booked a B&B for that weekend ffs because we got the magnet!
Dh is going to send him a nice text asking him what is going on but its very awkward!
What do you all think?

OP posts:
BabylonReturns · 11/04/2013 06:09

YANBU if you got a save the date thingy.

Sounds like they may have over estimated though, and you've been pushed down the list :)

BabylonReturns · 11/04/2013 06:10

Sorry that was meant to be a :( not a :)

SilverSky · 11/04/2013 06:12

Ask him. Receiving a Save The Date card is as good an invitation IMO.

SavoyCabbage · 11/04/2013 06:29

I would ask him. They can't send you a StDFM and then just never mention it again!

McNewPants2013 · 11/04/2013 06:39

Yanbu, I would ask him what's going on.

Lottashakingoinon · 11/04/2013 07:43

Yes you should definitely ask, and I would big it up if I were you. I would say that you had postponed important triple by pass surgery because it clashed with the date you were told to save and taht you had purloined funds from an ancient but loving aunt over whom you have power of attorney to pay for the outfit. Grin

Serioulsy you SHOULD ask. I make my living out of printing and designing stationery and even I think these STD cards are a bloody waste of global resources and a frigging hostage to fortune (as your case proves). But a FRIDGE MAGNET??????? Oh yes, and he is VERY rude!

Lambzig · 11/04/2013 08:02

Gosh that's awkward, but I do think you have to ask. Awful as they are, You can't send out a save the date thing (fridge magnet FFS, how romantic!) and then not invite someone to the wedding

I think an email or text saying you have 'saved the date' and booked a hotel, so are you invited. A negative response would be the end of that friendship for me though.

HollyBerryBush · 11/04/2013 08:07

Who is paying though? If her side of the family are traditionally paying for the whole caboodle, he may not have been allocated as many invitations as he thought he would be!

Although, the whole STD card thing, I would have thought they were sent out jointly?

Only way to front it out is, next time he phone, to say "we book XYZ B&B, all you have to do is tell us where and what time".

Although if you haven't been invited, I would have thought it a little embarrassing to solicit an invitation.

glossyflower · 11/04/2013 08:36

YANBU to expect an invite after receiving a save the date, but even if they have decided they can no longer invite you shouldn't be a big deal. Though they should have been honest with you from the beginning if that's the case.
Wedding can be very stressful to organise and often plans change, just be happy for them but ask them if you are invites or not as you are confused about not receiving the official invite.
The B&B can be easily cancelled although I understand its annoying that you have saved the date for them.
When a friend of mine got married the invite arrived with only my name on it not my DP (now DH). The wedding was in Italy and although I am very good friends I felt uncomfortable travelling on my own.
I just asked her if DP was invited or not. The response was not, but, if anyone else pulled out then yes he could have their place.
I was not really put out, but if DP couldn't have gone I doubt I would have gone alone and I wasn't bothered that he was an add on.

ThoseWomenWereInTheNip · 11/04/2013 08:37

Even if you don't get invited still use the booking at the B&B. Recapture the magic. On someone elses sheets.

Original poster
wigglewiggle32 · 11/04/2013 08:46

I was worried that I was being a grumpy old goat so glad that everyone else would feel the same!
Dh texted first thing and got a call back. Turns out the brides dad is a prize 1 arsehole and is paying for the hotel (he insisted he wanted to pay for this, not give money) basically so he could have control. He took it upon himself to go through the list and cross off most of M's friends and then has added a load of buisness contacts M doesnt even know. Dh told him not to worry about it but that as we had booked, and paid in full for the B&B could we come and just go to the church. M got a bit tearful and said that would be lovely. I think he thought he would lose our friendship if he told us so he was burying his head in the sand. They are only having a sit down meal (getting married late in the day) but he has asked if we wanted to go and have a drink with them in the evening too which we will.
I actually feel really bad for him and am so pleased that me and dh buggered off with 6 of our mates and got amrried in secret!!

OP posts:
Lottashakingoinon · 11/04/2013 08:52

Awwwww this is so nice Wiggle Win win. Sorry about your mate have an arse for a FiL though!

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 11/04/2013 09:33

Your poor mate. You sound like lovely friends and your mate is due some serious problems in future with a controlling twat for a FIL.

glossyflower · 11/04/2013 09:36

DHs friend's FIL sounds like a grade one arsehole.

SilverSky · 11/04/2013 14:50

A very reasonable explanation but he should have really told you sooner rather than leaving you in the dark.

Bet the groom is chuffed about his controlling got of a FIL to be.

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