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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put DS1 to bed with no story?

17 replies

AliBean · 09/04/2013 20:11

DS1 is 3.6 and normally a really delightful and kind child. He has just bitten DS2 on the thigh hard enough to leave purple toothmarks in a red blotch ...
I am gobsmacked by this behaviour. It's totally out of character. I am at a loss as to what consequence is appropriate and commensurate as I am feeling so upset with him I can't figure out what to do next! He is crying at the top of the stairs and I am feeding DS2 and trying to ignore him. At the moment I have put him to bed without reading his story/stroking his back/singing a lullaby and said his friends can't come tomorrow as planned. Is this too much/not enough?
Bizarre and totally out of the blue...DS2 is 4 mts so its not like he could have provoked it...
Baffled

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 09/04/2013 20:13

Is he jealous?

I think the no story is fine etc but maybe talk to him about why he did it in the morning

My DS is too little for me to know much about 3 year olds but maybe he was experimenting and didn't really understand the consequences of biting his brother? I am sure it wasn't malicious, try not to worry

Sirzy · 09/04/2013 20:15

As you have said no friend around tomorrow and no story then I would stick with it.

I would go up to him now and give him a cuddle and make sure that even though you don't like what he did you still love him lots

ChoudeBruxelles · 09/04/2013 20:17

I think that's a lot of punishment for a 3 1/2 year old.

no story is one of the ultimate sanction in our house - even though DS can now read them himself.

Is you older DS tired/jealous/coming down with something?

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 09/04/2013 20:17

If it is the first time, I would try to ask him why he did it. Tell him you ae absolutely not ok with it.

Don't take away the story tonight, because if it is jealousy or whatever it won't help.

If it is out of character don't freak out.

Taking away friend tomorrow way too much IMO.

I accept it is really horrid but a first offence is a first offence, if he does it again, then get serious!

calmlychaotic · 09/04/2013 20:19

I would go and see him, have a chat about it, if it is jealousy leaving him crying could add to it. You said its out of character so you could maybe find out what triggered it. I never bother with carrying punishments on till tomorrow, think it has to be at the moment at this age.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 09/04/2013 20:26

i would speak to him tomorrow but not withdraw story if it is jealousy it wont help that he misses out on his time with you.

Original poster

AliBean · 09/04/2013 20:27

Ok thanks everyone. It's breaking my heart not going to him but DS2 is understandably upset and attached like a limpet...
Will talk to him in the morning and allow friends to come if he is suitably contrite. He will be as he is very mature for his age and will realise how naughty it was by not having story.
DS2 released me so going to cuddle my little wolf.

OP posts:

likesnowflakesinanocean · 09/04/2013 20:31

its hard Ali,sometimes i think as adults we cannot imagine why they would of done such a thing but as a young child you dont think like that. give them both a big cuddle

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 09/04/2013 20:39

If younger won't let go maybe have a cuddle all together. don't be too hard on him. He's very little still and it may have been a random impulse!

BlackeyedSusan · 09/04/2013 20:40

were you not told never to leave bby nd toddler in the room alone together? it must be very common if that advice is given.

deal with it tonight. bring him down. show him ds2's leg nd say tht it hut nd ask him to say sorry. hug him and tell him that you still love him. put him to bed with a story. do not carry it over until the morning.

BlackeyedSusan · 09/04/2013 20:40

baby and

doh

natsmum100 · 09/04/2013 20:52

When I was 3, I was sitting at the top of the stairs with my 4 year old brother one day when I thought, I wonder what would happen if I pushed him. I was just curious!

But 45 years later, my brother is still cross that I didn't get into trouble. My mum realised that there was no malicious intent.

You have received excellent advice on this thread. I hope you are reassured.

Original poster

AliBean · 09/04/2013 21:27

Thanks everyone. Yes I am reassured and all is well now. DS1 is sleeping after cuddles and a made up story about baby bunny mistaking his brother's paw for a carrot!

OP posts:

GirlOutNumbered · 09/04/2013 21:32

Ah alibean such a shock isn't it! My DS1 hit DS2 in the face with a stick, I thought he had got him right in the eye. I really shouted, because of the shock and sent him out of the room. He cried so much, I went and explained why it was wrongs and got him to apologise. I'm not sure i gave any sanction, because he was already so upset.

He hasn't done it since, I think the shock of how he felt after he had done it was enough? Iykwim

Original poster

AliBean · 09/04/2013 21:57

GirlOutNumbered that's it...but I didn't see it happen. Was closing curtains while DS1 playing and DS2 lying happily on bed. Room is L shaped and I was round the corner as it were...heard DS2 yell and when I got to him DS1 was exactly where I left him playing with his toy kitchen. So I gathered up the baby, and whilst consoling him asked DS1 what had happened...said he didn't know, I said hes hurting, have you hurt him? No mummy. ..then baby does a huge burp so I assumed it was a bought of trapped wind. So we all go to the bathroom and its only when I stripped DS2 off that I saw the bite mark. I asked DS1 if he had bitten his bro...yes, why? Don't know...so I was upset that he had lied to me too. Sorry didn't put that in OP but was all a bit longwinded. Thanks for advice. Think I handled it ok in the end.

OP posts:

Original poster

AliBean · 09/04/2013 21:58

*bout

OP posts:

treesntrees · 09/04/2013 23:20

He wasn't telling a lie when he said he didn't know why the baby was crying. At that age they are often unaware of the consequences of their actions so he may not have realised his biting caused the baby to cry. Looking at the footage of babies receiving their measles vaccinations some didn't cry immediately so he may well have been back at his toy before baby cried.

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