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Original poster

To ask for some money syphoning tips?

28 replies

CreativeAccountant · 05/04/2013 14:09

I am currently managing a large budget and fancy a nice holiday somewhere like the Bahamas or the Maldives. You hear about people syphoning off funds for their own enjoyment all the time, so I'd like to give it a go.

Does anyone have any handy tips on how this can be done, preferably without being caught until after my Swiss bank account has a reasonable amount in it and I've had my holiday.

TIA

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 05/04/2013 14:11

Book yourself a training course there Grin

CloudsAndTrees · 05/04/2013 14:12

The Maldives are much nicer than the Bahamas.

WafflyVersatile · 05/04/2013 14:19

Yeah, the maldives will be gone soon. Take your chance while you can.

Someone in Mauritius does our payroll, can you contract them then go on a fact finding mission like MPs do when thinking about bringing in new schemes?

Original poster
CreativeAccountant · 05/04/2013 14:39

Mmm, I quite like the fact finding mission, but clog manufacturing companies are few and far between. I'm not sure if clogs are much used by Maldavians. Shame we don't make flip flops. The opportunities would be endless then :(

Really, I just need help with budget sheets. Can 1st class flights be classed as Admin Peripherals?

OP posts:
littlebitofthislittlebitofthat · 05/04/2013 14:40

Only if you spill coffee on the receipts...

TheFallenNinja · 05/04/2013 14:48

Buy fantasy construction equipment and then claim the VAT back, what could possibly go wrong :-)

FuckThisShit · 05/04/2013 14:52

Would you be needing an assistant? I'm a whizz with numbers

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/04/2013 14:52

Forge some receipts but make sure they don't add up to round numbers e.g. £24.83 not £25.

No 1st class flights are not Admin Peripherals but I think they could be caught by a whole range of logistics type entries e.g. Freight Forwarding Charges?

TwllBach · 05/04/2013 14:54

Do you have a back door to your office? How about you procure the clogs that don't make the cut and sell them for cash out of your back door?

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude · 05/04/2013 15:00

Could you become a 'consultant' and pay yourself ££££?

Lueji · 05/04/2013 15:00

Or go on a fact finding mission on how to make flip flops?
It should take you around the world. Easily.

Original poster
CreativeAccountant · 05/04/2013 15:31

Sadly the budget is to build an extension to our Clog factory, so a flip-flop mission couldn't be counted anywhere.

I'd love to hire myself as a consultant, but I suspect they won't do it while paying my salary. Oh there must be a way somehow to cream off some of the budget somehow.

Buy fantasy construction equipment and then claim the VAT back now your talking. Much more the kind of thing I'm lookinfg for.

OP posts:
MrsMacFarlane · 05/04/2013 15:34

You could ask the wages clerk at a firm I used to work for. She's currently serving 2 years in the tin pail for embezzling £98,000 from her employers.

Original poster
CreativeAccountant · 05/04/2013 15:52

MrsMcFarlane thats very generous, but I was hoping for someone a bit more successful than that.

98K is a tempting amount though.

OOh! I could "hire a temp" to do some scoping work for me....

OP posts:
MrsMacFarlane · 05/04/2013 15:53

Hee hee...I'm available for a healthy cut....:)

Trills · 05/04/2013 15:56

Could you buy expensive items then return them and get cheap ones instead?

Oh yes Boss we had to have the £50 staplers and £100-per-ream paper, can't you feel the quality?

EchoBitch · 05/04/2013 16:05

2 years sounds an ok price for an extended holiday in the Bahamas,do they even extradite from the Bahamas or would you be effectively imprisoned there?
I can think of worse places to do your time,like Margate.

Original poster
CreativeAccountant · 05/04/2013 16:06

There must be an easy way to defraud my employer. It shouldn't be so hard to come up with a scheme.

Why am I so shit at maths and skulduggery?

OP posts:
Original poster
CreativeAccountant · 05/04/2013 16:08

I have no idea what the extradition treaties are like and I'd rather make it home and, preferably, not get caught in the first place.

I could tell them that I've gone on a two week break to Haven Cala Gran at Blackpool to throw them off the scent.

OP posts:
EchoBitch · 05/04/2013 16:23

Blackpool you say?

How large is the budget? Hmm

EchoBitch · 05/04/2013 16:24

I think we have an extradition treaty with Blackpool.

RedPencils · 05/04/2013 16:35

Definitely go to the Maldives. It's so beautiful. And if you are going to do a couple of years in the slammer you might as well get a nice holiday out of it.

I printed all my wedding stationery at work. When someone caught me I just brazenes it out and said I had permission. So you could just take the money and see if they notice.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/04/2013 16:37

How about a trip to investigate recycling coconut shells into clogs as part of a carbon offsetting plan?

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude · 05/04/2013 17:23

You don't do it in your own name silly. Submit invoices for consultancy work from your fictitious company. Set up the 'consultant' as a 'supplier' with your bank details, a second account would be advisable. Bobs your embezzler

BatmanLovesRichardAyoade · 05/04/2013 18:18

Employ one of your family as 'secretary', pay them a high wage for a couple of hours a day 'work'.

That should bump yer coffers up.