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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH is being, at best, insensitive

16 replies

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 04/04/2013 14:26

I was up all night last night with a poorly 3 year old. All night. Not a wink of sleep.

DH slept from 10pm until 6am, and all he did this morning once he'd got up for work,was moan about how tired he is. Knowing I had had no sleep.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed about this? He has no medical conditions btw

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 04/04/2013 14:29

Is the 3 year old still ill? If so, you go to bed at 8 and let your 'd'h deal with whatever the night may bring.

Then he'll know what being tired is.

ZillionChocolate · 04/04/2013 14:29

No, he's an idiot. That said, there isn't a monopoly on feeling tired. I feel tired most mornings and I have a lot more sleep than you did. Perhaps he'll be better later. If he routinely moans, I'd be tempted to let him take over night duty, because he'll be tired whatever.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 14:32

YAB understandably U. You being tired has no bearing on his being tired. You have had no sleep so you are allowed to be U though.

ShirazSavedMySanity · 04/04/2013 14:32

Simples, its his turn tonight to deal with whatever your 3 year old throws at him.

Hope she gets well soon for all your sake, but specifically gets well tomorrow morning as you wake up from a restful night and DH has dealt with her.

Original poster

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 04/04/2013 14:36

I can't see how I am being unreasonable MissyMoo? Surely my feelings matter a bit and my DH should be understanding of the fact that I had no sleep. I think it's a bit disrespectful tbh that he moaned several times about being tired knowing I was exhausted. He had 8 hours of sleep and I had none. I think in this instance yes, I am entitled to the monopoly of feeling tired.

Youthecat, well he seems to have perked up today and seems a lot better, so hopefully tonight will be far better. DH won't get up in the night if the kids are ill, and if I insist on it he gets so bad tempered with me and is moody for days, I never ask him to as it's not worth the hassle.

OP posts:

EasilyBored · 04/04/2013 14:40

He wont get up with his kids if they are ill? As in, never? What a dick.

YouTheCat · 04/04/2013 14:40

You will slowly seethe with resentment. I'd not ask, I'd tell him.

Original poster

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 04/04/2013 14:42

He will get up with them but he makes such a song and dance about it, and if he gets up with them he has all the lights on, talks loudly, makes a point of waking me too, and then he moans for days about how tired he is, and often is moody for a couple of days too and blames it on tiredness.

I'm a bit pissed off with him in general at the moment tbh, with him taking me for granted and being moody a lot.

OP posts:

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 04/04/2013 14:43

Well I haven't slept for longer than a couple of hours at a time for 11 years due to insomnia, that doesn't make you feel less tired does it? He can still feel tired and have a moan, you can remind him that you didn't sleep at all and also have a moan. Just make sure that you get a sleep when he comes in.

I did say yab understandably u, you asked for opinions and thats mine

YouTheCat · 04/04/2013 14:44

Spell it out for him in words of few syllables.... This is called being a parent. These children have two parents but one is currently not pulling his weight.

EasilyBored · 04/04/2013 14:44

I can see why you would be pissed off with him tbh!

I know what they all say about competitive tiredness but he does sound very thoughtless and a bit useless. Hope you get some decent sleep tonight.

dreamingbohemian · 04/04/2013 14:46

Sorry but your DH sounds like a right arse.

He won't take care of his own children at night even when they're ill???

And if you insist, he punishes you for it for days?

That's completely ridiculous. I mean, obviously no one likes losing sleep, some grumpiness is allowed, but his level of selfishness is completely unreasonable.

LibertineLover · 04/04/2013 14:46

YANBU I give my DP the death stare if he dares mentioned being tired if I've been up a lot in the night, he's not U to be tired, he's bloody U to tell you!!

Get some kip in when he gets in, and tell him if it's the same tonight he has to share the load and not be a stroppy kid about it ffs.

Original poster

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 04/04/2013 14:49

Libertine that's my thought exactly! he can be as tired as he wants but I think it would have been more considerate towards me this morning to have kept it to himself.

for those that have mentioned competitive tiredness, I haven't moaned to him at all about being tired, nor have I tried to get into a competition. All I said to him this morning was that I had been up with DS all night and hadn't had any sleep. I think any decent DH would think 'fucking hell, she must be exhausted' and would have the decency to not moan about it knowing they have had 8 full hours of undisturbed sleep.

OP posts:

mumofweeboys · 04/04/2013 15:43

Me and dh often have who's the most tired competition - Im usually up at night with the kids and he works shifts/away so we are both exhausted. Now we actually laugh when we both start who's the most tired.

The last thing u need is for him to be moaning when u have been up all night and he seems to have had a full nighta sleep - put it down to male weakness they arnt as tough as us

SolidGoldBrass · 04/04/2013 16:07

Hmm. Does he pull his weight in other ways? Does he take the DC out by himself, for instance, or stay in with them so you can have an evening out with friends? Does he cook any meals/wash any dishes/do any laundry? Or does he act as though earning a wage makes him the boss/owner of everyone else in the house and never lift a finger when he's at home?

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