To expect a thank you?

[SlumberingDormouse]

DP and I went to a great deal of effort last Friday night hosting a dinner party for 3 friends. We've had not one thank you. I realise I'm probably old-fashioned in preferring to send thank you cards, but is one measly text too much to ask? I feel like I wouldn't bother again. AIBU?

Did they say thank you as they left?

I would send a text or email afterwards saying I had a nice time but not a formal thank you card.

I never get thanked for hosting parties. I think it's the new thing. Certainly not thank you cards.

Didn't they say thank you after the meal or before they left?

I wouldnt expect a card, but I would think a text is polite.. my friends always text me even if they have only come round for a few drinks, never mind dinner.

I hope they said thanks on the night itself though.

I doubt many people would send a formal card. I would thank hosts as I left and expect that to be enough. If I had a particularly great time I may text and say so, but not as a matter of course.

Yeah, pretty much. If I remember to bring a bottle of wine I feel pleased with myself. A card for dinner is a lot. Texting types might like to text, but I don't text and I'd probably only phone if I had soemthing else to say.

Where does it end? I have a friend that sends out thank you cards in response to the thank you card sent thanking the host for the dinner invitation. It's bloody crazy.

I agree that cards aren't the norm nowadays, though I like them myself. But not even a text? I feel annoyed about it.

If your guests showed no appreciation of your efforts while they were there and no one thought to thank you at the door either YANBU, otherwise I think it is enough to thank your host when you leave.

Did they say thank you on the way out?

I quite like to send a little card if I have the time but I would always send a text. I don't blame you for feeling a bit annoyed.

I honestly can't remember! We'd sunk a fair bit of wine by that point. I'm starting to think I may have been born in the wrong century...

Good grief, yes, that goes without saying - I'd also (1) say "This is delicious!" at dinner and (2) say "Thank you so much, that's been great fun!" when leaving.

So you don't even know if they thanked you or not?

I would say thank you on the night, I would say the meal was delicious but I wouldn't text the next day and I definitely wouldn't send card, if I was hosting I wouldn't expect anything more than a thank you on the night either.

I always say thank you on the night, and either DH or I will text when we get home to say thanks, never thank you cards. I don't expect texts when we host, just a thank you on the night, but it always makes me smile if we get a thank you text.

I would comment on how nice the food is during the meal, say thanks at the end and text the next day to say thanks again. Friends do the same and one or two give a card.

YANBU but I bet they did say thanks on the way out!

Ruby Wax wrote something very funny about this in her autobiography.....when she married her husband, they moved to a very naice posh area where the neighbours would invite them round for dinner and then it was the done thing to send a thank you card. Old Ruby was perplexed about what you were supposed to write on such a card and suggested 'dear neighbours, thanks for dinner on Friday night. The food went down and came out of my ass with great success.'

OP, my friends text the next day to say thanks which I'm more than happy with. Some people do thank you cards and some don't. I do feel that 'thank you' is slightly on the decline sometimes which is not good....

Maybe I'm a bit new-fangled, but what I'd probably do/expect is;

• make appreciative noises/words when eating the dinner.
• say 'thanks for a fab evening' when leaving.
• post on facebook when I got home saying 'had a lovely evening with x & y', tagging them, instead of a text or a card.

It's not the same as a thank you card, but it shows you've thought about it enough to pass comment. I wouldn't be offended if only the first two things happened.

Yes, YABU in my book too. Whilst the guests are there I would expect them to show appreciation and as they were leaving to thank you, but not to get into formal written cards and letters.
Probably next time I saw you or spoke to you I would once again bring up how nice the food was / how much I enjoyed the other night, if it was really nice.
I only send a few texts, and for specific purposes - I don't "communicate" with people generally by text, and I don't suppose I'm the only one.

I think YABU. In fact, I think it's a bit rude to expect people to send a text as long as they were polite and said thank you during the evening. It is nice to get a thank you text but its not rude not to send one.

However, I usually send a text or an email if I have been to someone's house. If i go to someones house I always offer to bring a dish or wine and I often buy flowers. I always say thank you at the time. (And offer to help wash up)

YANBU. Wouldn't expect a card but would expect a text the next day to say thanks. I always text after meals or kids parties - I think it is only the polite thing to do. If a friend hosts a big coffee morning would text as well.

What frettchen said, and I generally don't use Facebook much! Either that or a text later if I remembered as well as saying thanks at the time. I'd never think to send a card though!