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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend DH's money

44 replies

fishandlilacs · 03/04/2013 12:19

DH is a lazy arse, hes a good dad and husband but hes a messy sod who never picks up after himself-don't get me wrong he does do a lot of jobs around the house but he just isn't tidy.

he has a pernicious habit of plonking his pocket change on the bedside cabinets when he gets changed from work. I have asked, I have nagged, I have moaned, I have cajoled him to not do it because I am sick of fishing coins out of 15m ds's mouth.

So quietly a few months ago I decided to start collecting all the bits of change up in jar I keep secretly stashed away. Its been the odd quid here and there but usually 20p and 50p. I have just counted and theres £32

AIBU to spend the lot on a treat for me and the kids? DH is always moaning we cant afford this and that, we rarely go on days out but I have enough there for a train fare to a nice local town or enough to take them to the kids AM cinema and have nice sandwich lunch.

Or should I just give him back the bloody money and tell him how much better off he'd be if he didn't chuck it around and how much safer DS would be!

OP posts:
RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 03/04/2013 12:21

Spend it

catgirl1976 · 03/04/2013 12:22

Spend away :)

SoHHKB · 03/04/2013 12:24

Spend it and enjoy! Grin

and perhaps get him to put his change straight in the jar Wink

Bluebell99 · 03/04/2013 12:25

I think you should spend it too. He hasn't missed it so far, and you have saved it. Unless there is something you really ought to spend it on?!

Original poster
fishandlilacs · 03/04/2013 12:25

I have just worked out that i started this just after xmas, that approx £10 quid a month he just hasn't missed!

OP posts:
threesypeesy · 03/04/2013 12:26

Id also spend it Grin

CadleCrap · 03/04/2013 12:26

What would he do with the money? If it is not family orientated then spend it Grin

Chocoflump · 03/04/2013 12:26

Definately spend it

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/04/2013 12:27

I dunno tough one. DH is a bit like this..leaves money all over the place and I often find notes in his pockets. I tend to have a place I put it and he knows where this is.

Personally, I wouldn't spend it as it isn't my money and regardless of him leaving it about it would feel a bit like stealing.

Up to you though, would he be annoyed if you spent it and then told him where the money was from. Why not just keep saving it and then put it towards a family day out where he goes as well.

ClaraOswald · 03/04/2013 12:27

spend it. He doesn't seem to be bothered by "losing" it.

EuroShaggleton · 03/04/2013 12:27

Spend it on something for all of you - your husband too. And disuss it with him first.

Original poster
fishandlilacs · 03/04/2013 12:27

If I just spend it do i then tell him where the money for the day out came from? I kind of started picking up th money to make a point about how careless he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
fishandlilacs · 03/04/2013 12:29

The reason I check the jar was that I haven't been able to give the kids a day out at all this easter hols. It would be nice to do so.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/04/2013 12:29

well if you don't tell him then obviously you know it's the wrong thing to do......you don't feel comfortable spending it do you!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/04/2013 12:30

The reason I check the jar was that I haven't been able to give the kids a day out at all this easter hols. It would be nice to do so

So just tell him that then - am sure he won't begrudge you and the kids a nice day out but do tell him first.

cathpip · 03/04/2013 12:31

Spend it, I do this with the children I nanny for. The rule being if you leave your money lying around then you clearly don't need it, it gets put in a jar and then spent on days out. (daddy has also fallen foul of this rule:))

Toasttoppers · 03/04/2013 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livinginwonderland · 03/04/2013 12:31

he obviously doesn't need it if it's left lying around the house! spend it!

Original poster
fishandlilacs · 03/04/2013 12:32

Heres the drip feed though..... (sorry guilty of this)

I know he went into his overdraft today.

OP posts:
Carolra · 03/04/2013 12:33

This made me chuckle - my pet peeve is my DH's little piles of change... they are everywhere. So a couple of months ago we instigated a new rule - if I find them, I can keep them! (although I do usually just put it all in dd's money box, or use them to buy milk - its not very exciting!!)

BuiltForComfort · 03/04/2013 12:38

is no-one else Shock that your DH can't be arsed to move his money so that his 15mo child isn't in danger of choking on or swallowing coins??

It may give him a jolt if you show him how much cash he leaves around, but really the message to him has to be STOP leaving change around where your baby can get to it. THAT is the issue here, not you having a day out on the proceeds of his laziness.

Pilgit · 03/04/2013 12:38

before you spend it I'd have a hunt for any other stashes of money (in our house the sofa is known for hoarding cash). If he's lovely in all other respects I'd then surprise him with a family day out and only tell him hlf way through. will get two points across - 1) that he a=can be a bit careless with money and 2) a bit of saving can mean family fun.

alternative option keep doing it, don't tell him, open a cash ISA and use it for christmas presents - defray the cost of christmas by utilising a bad habit!

Original poster
fishandlilacs · 03/04/2013 12:40

is no-one else that your DH can't be arsed to move his money so that his 15mo child isn't in danger of choking on or swallowing coins??

Indeed, he just doesn't think though. It's not malicious.

OP posts:
tomatoplantproject · 03/04/2013 12:47

This drives me nuts. I found about £5 in change down the sofa yesterday. I've taken to putting it all into a money box for dd. I gave him a small change purse thing for Christmas which he doesn't use but he's got the message, and I now see the loose change as fair game.

Treat the kids I say!!

Whoknowswhocares · 03/04/2013 12:58

The concept of separate money is a bit strange to me. It would not occur to me (or DH ) to view money left out as belonging to either of us separately
I'd spend it.
As an aside, him leaving out things that could harm your chid is just Shock! It may not be malicious but it is certainly negligent and needs putting to a stop