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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect friends to show up for dinner on time

51 replies

Sprite21 · 30/03/2013 18:38

DP invited friends for dinner tonight and told them 6pm, then earlier today asked if they could make it any earlier.

They texted at quarter to and said they would arrive for 6:40, with no other explanation. We timed everything for 6 so now it's all sitting there getting cold.
I know 6 is early for dinner but we have to eat then so we can eat with DD, 18 mo and then get her into bed.
So AIBU?

OP posts:
ENSMUM · 30/03/2013 18:41

Did they know Dd would be eating with you?

hwjm1945 · 30/03/2013 18:44

Not bu.they are rude

TravelinColour · 30/03/2013 18:45

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowDinosaur · 30/03/2013 18:46

They are rude. If they didn't want to eat that early they should have declined your invitation.

YellowDinosaur · 30/03/2013 18:48

Travel it is not up to the guests to dictate that though is it? The invitation was for dinner at 6. If they didn't want that they should have declined or at least asked if there was any chance of eating later. Not texted with no explanation once it's too late for the op to change the plans as the dinner is already being cooked!

eslteacher · 30/03/2013 18:49

YAB kind of U.

I would always give a bit of leeway for lateness, but 6.40 is pushing it a bit.

I'd never time dinner for the precise time I'd ask the guests to arrive. I'd expect to serve up a minimum of 30m after they got here, what with coats off, small talk, drinks etc.

But if you had explained to them why you needed to eat at 6pm exactly and they didn't say anything at the time, YANBU

pootlebug · 30/03/2013 18:52

What riverboat said. Do you friends have children? If not I suspect that unless you made it very clear why you had to eat so early they might just have not picked up on it.

Hissy · 30/03/2013 18:53

I'd feed your DD and go ahead with your routine. Passive agressive praps but 40 mins late is flaming rude.

readysteady · 30/03/2013 18:56

Did they know dinner was to be at 6 or did you say come at six? Six is very early to eat so maybe they thought you were eating later. If you said dinner will be ready at 6 then they were rude otherwise it's just a misunderstanding surely?

MajaBiene · 30/03/2013 18:57

YANBU - if they agreed to come at 6pm, then rude of them to be late.

Though I must say I find it very odd that you invite people over for "dinner" at a toddler's tea time. Surely more sensible would to be to feed your DD first and then have an adult dinner at a more reasonable time?

TravelinColour · 30/03/2013 19:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 30/03/2013 19:01

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digerd · 30/03/2013 19:06

YANBU
They are, for announcing to you 15 minutes before dinner was ready, that they would be arriving 40 minutes later. No apology or reason for being that late. That was inconsiderate and arrogant of them. Plain rude.

MrsLouisTheroux · 30/03/2013 19:45

I doubt very much that they would imagine you will be eating with your DD!
Adult friends for dinner usually means DC fed, bathed, bed early then a long, relaxing evening meal with friends later.
How can you doing bedtime routine when your guests arrive other than leaving them part way through evening?
Oh well, I hope you've got it sorted out.
I bet they were leaving arriving a bit later so that you had chance to get DC in bed.

MrsLouisTheroux · 30/03/2013 19:46

Also agree, arrive at 6, eat at 8 ish sounds right.

Sparkletastic · 30/03/2013 19:49

6?

Eating with an 18 month old?

Why not dinner at 8 when offspring asleep and adults can relax?

TheSeventhHorcrux · 30/03/2013 19:52

I have no issue with children but tbh if I was going around for a meal at a friends I would expect to eat at an adult hour and not with a baby at the table.

However, turning up late is rude so YANBU there.

sarahtigh · 30/03/2013 20:02

generally if asked to dinner at 6 i would think arrive 6-6.15 to eat at 6.30-6.45 unless I knew people well; most invites are on basis of 7 for 7.30 etc,

SauvignonBlanche · 30/03/2013 20:06

Dinner - at 6? Hmm YABU

ThreeWheelsGood · 30/03/2013 20:08

I would assume arriving at 6 meant dinner was being served at 7 or 8. YABU sorry!

LadyKinbote · 30/03/2013 20:09

YANBU. If I was invited for a 6pm dinner (and think it's rather nice to eat with your DD), I'd arrive 5:45ish. If you didn't have DC I'd think it was weirdly early but then again your house, your rules!

chandellina · 30/03/2013 20:21

Yabu, can think of nothing worse than arriving and immediately sitting down to eat with an 18 mo old and then parents disappear to put her to bed.

sarahtigh · 30/03/2013 20:26

if someone with kids invited us for 6 i would assume we were eating with kids if they invited us at 8 i would assume kids in bed

FullOfChoc · 30/03/2013 20:27

YANBU they are very rude.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/03/2013 20:27

Yabu. It wouldn't enter my head that you'd want to eat at 6, with dd, unless I'd been asked to bring my own children too. 6 is very early.