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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to put up a stranger?

25 replies

ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 30/03/2013 08:30

Long story.
Dh is abroad. Family emergency. He won't be back until next Friday. He left last Friday. So away for 2 weeks. I started a new job 2 days before that. We have a 5+4 yr old. He is our childcare.
I've been managing by being highly organised but am starting to feel the pressure in the last couple of days as work is super busy.
I have limited back up help.

He calls this morning to say that a friend of a friend is flying in on Tuesday for a week and will I put him up.
Apparently he won't be any trouble. However we live at least 30 minutes walk from public transport so is the guy going to spend his time in our house? I am not the type to leave a guest unfed, or to leave then totally to their own devices. That's just rude.

But I don't know this person, and I don't have the time or the energy to baby sit him.

So was I being unreasonable to throw a fit?

OP posts:

MrsMangoBiscuit · 30/03/2013 08:32

Is this a done deal, or can you say no now with no hard feelings?

DiscoDonkey · 30/03/2013 08:33

Yanbu. The thought of close family staying a week would bring on a cold sweat

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 30/03/2013 08:34

YANBU.

I don't like having people staying at the best of times let alone some stranger when dh is not there.

No fucking way would i agree.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/03/2013 08:35

Oh my God YANBU! No. Just say no. It's never a "done deal" you are in your home with your DC and they must come first.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 30/03/2013 08:35

I would say no. I wouldn't want to have to entertain a complete stranger in my home on my own.

SnuffleTheDog · 30/03/2013 08:35

No way

AllOverIt · 30/03/2013 08:36

Nope. YANBU

pumpkinsweetie · 30/03/2013 08:36

Yanbu, i personally wouldn't like a person i didn't know around my children tbh. You seem like you have enough on your plate without all this extra hassle [buangry]
I would have said no, unless it was an actual friend as this person should have arranged somewhere to stay in advance.

Apileofballyhoo · 30/03/2013 08:37

YANBU

gorionine · 30/03/2013 08:37

Absolutely not! What was your DH thinking?

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 30/03/2013 08:38

I would just say no. And your DH is extremely rude to do this without asking when he is not the one who will have to do the actual hosting. Does your DH usually treat you like his housekeeper? I would probably use a ruder word than no when explaining to DH.

YANBU. Your DH is, massively.

Montybojangles · 30/03/2013 08:40

No way, YANBU. Bit [bushock] that your DH would think this was ok!

cees · 30/03/2013 08:41

Yanbu
Not on your nelly would I do it, throw as many fits as you want and get the anger out.:-)

thezebrawearspurple · 30/03/2013 08:45

No way, not a chance, yanbu.

Original poster

ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 30/03/2013 08:51

I should probably explain that this guy was due to come to visit at the same time as a family member, as they are close friends, but family member died sooner than expected last week. So stranger guy has decided to come anyway.

I genuinely think that dh thinks it would be no hassle to me. He did suggest that visitor can stay with a local close friend who has offered to put him up, until dh gets home. I was so apoplectic at the time that I hung up. Its a done deal so I think stranger can go stay with neighbour. I don't need the hassle or someone random in home with my kids.

OP posts:

Inertia · 30/03/2013 08:59

No way . Sounds like you are already juggling far too many things with no support.

Why would he even want someone he doesn't actually know moving in with his wife and children anyway ?

It wouldn't even be acceptable if DH was coming back early to play host.

onedev · 30/03/2013 09:01

I'm in the no way camp too! Not a chance!

thezebrawearspurple · 30/03/2013 09:01

Wtf was your husband thinking of when he already had another offer? What an idiot. Just keep saying no and in the unlikely event of him turning up anyway, don't answer the door. He has other options.

ChasedByBees · 30/03/2013 09:08

Absolutely no way! I would have lost the plot.

ENormaSnob · 30/03/2013 09:13

Yanbu in the slightest.

Not sure what planet your dh is on tbh.

DontmindifIdo · 30/03/2013 09:20

YANBU - say no, stick to it.

BTW - it does sound like you need help, is there any family from your side you can invite to stay to help out?

b4bunnies · 30/03/2013 09:23

well done to refuse. quite right, why would you want a stranger in the house with your children?

what sort of person is your husband if he would do this to you? what kind of hospitality has this 'friend' been offered? i'm glad you're taking a firm line, but i'd have a serious think about the husband.

quoteunquote · 30/03/2013 09:26

If it bothers you, then you are not being unreasonable,

it wouldn't bother me in the slightest, we have always had a house full of waifs and strays, sofa surfers, friends of friends, distant family, I like it, met some of my best friends this way,

If you end up having them, don't stand on ceremony (that's when it becomes a strain), carry on as normal, and get them to join in, I find that if you stick to your own beat, then people relax, and enjoy being apart of whatever is going on.

good luck.

Original poster

ForSaletotheHighestBidder · 30/03/2013 09:45

DH is not the perfect husband, that's a whole other thread!
He is the type though to happily stay with other people and assume that it doesn't put them out in any way. If we lived in an urban area where the visitor could take themselves off morning to night and easily get themselves fed and entertained, fine. But we don't.

quoteunquote, I would generally be fairly relaxed as well and like entertaining and having visitors, but as I just started new job, kids are in camp next week and I will be generally tight for time for drop offs and pick ups etc, and DH being away means I don't have my usual backup or really any spare time to be accommodating someone else.

Dontmindifido, nobody available to come stay but appreciate the thought! Things running fine here, just wish kids wouldn't keep waking at 5.45am.

OP posts:

Whocansay · 30/03/2013 09:49

Noooooooooooooo!!!! I'm amazed that your dh would even think that this would be OK!

YANBU.

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