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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to start smoking again?

20 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 30/03/2013 01:14

i stopped 10 years ago, because i kept getting chest infections. turns out that i have a hiatus hernia that is causing reflux and damaging my vocal chords, and causes chest infections due to aspiration of acid into my lungs. nothing to do with smoking. i used to smoke about 4 cigs a day.
at min its surface changes only. consultant says in 10 yrs time will be different.....im taking that to mean the dreaded C...gastro wouldnt look at surgery but am back in a few weeks and hope this new evidence might change their minds......im on omeprazole, ranitidine, peptac, domperidone and now gaviscon advance.

i know thats whats going to get me. will be my throat. i wake every morning with a sore throat, my vocal chords are bright red, ( i have a photo!) if the reflux isnt sorted i will get cancer of the throat. it will be a matter of time.

morbid....i know. but realistic.
so i stopped smoking my much enjoyed 4 cigs a night due to the cough which turns out to be nothing to do with smoking.

if gastro wont entertain surgery for the hernia i cant see any reason not to smoke my 4 menthol cigs a day again......

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 01:19

Are you sure you'd still get the kick from them you remember after 10 years?

Or are you just looking for a something you felt was a stress reliever?

If you put it that 'AIBU to smoke again because I'm certain I'm going to die of cancer anyway so I might as well go out happy' then of course YABU, and I'd have to ask what had given you such a fatalistic attitude.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2013 01:21

After ten years, they won't be as good. You'll still get addicted again though. You might knock a few years off for your throat as well. Don't do it. Sad

DramaLlamaFarmer · 30/03/2013 01:21

Is your enjoyment of those four fags a day down to the physical need for a "hit" or the psychological element of holding a fag when you are doing a b or c?

DramaLlamaFarmer · 30/03/2013 01:24

If your need is in the head then the fake fags work wonders. It curbs the need to have something in your hand and to inhale and it satisfies the hand to mouth craving. If you are still struggling with the physical addiction then you know your options after so long off them. If I was you, I would go down every other possible route first. I say that as a smoker.

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 01:24

Although I might have been minimising what effect the process of finding out what's up with you has had, which is bound to make you feel differently about your health and the way you're going to go in the end.

But how done a deal is it? You make it sound as though it's set in stone, could you have it out of perspective?

dontlaugh · 30/03/2013 01:24

Vicar, I hear you. My child is currently in hospital, going on for 5 months inpatient now. I am considering herbal cigarettes. Just for the stress relief. I was a non drinker but have just finished a glass of wine.
Why do you want to smoke? Stress?
Fuck it, if you're staring throat cancer in the face, say no, thanks anyway.
Perhaps a different stress relief??

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 01:40

You've just posted and fucked off out for a fag haven't you OP? Grin

DramaLlamaFarmer · 30/03/2013 01:45

Let's all take our warm half empty glasses and follow her out to glower and judge (quietly).

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 30/03/2013 01:46

nah agent .....not got any or i might have....Grin

i never smoked much, but it stopped me doing other things to excess (such as drinking....now every glass of wine is naughty due to the reflux....)

not bought any cigs in 10 years....

think im going to lose my job. seeing no reason not to have those 4 a day.....i never smoked until about 8pm....never touched one during the day. had about 4 at night....never felt like any before that. might stop me boozing so much which is very bad for the reflux.....

OP posts:
DramaLlamaFarmer · 30/03/2013 01:53

Only you can be the judge of your own self control. Will 4 become 10? Will 10 become 20? Do you want to be out of control with being an addicted smoker? Will a glass of wine or two not knock the edge off it?

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 01:58

You sound more worried about how much you want to drink yourself into a stupor tbh.

The 'I'm too crushed to give a fuck anymore, so I may as well' feeling can have the tendency to escalate given half a chance, and it's that loss of control which can make a tricky situation even more distressing.

You can see yourself fighting against losing it outright, but don't care enough to stop yourself.

If I were you I'd buy a 10 pack of the cheapest fags you can find (preferably not English - I'm thinking Camel Shit rough) and smoke them one after another.

You won't be able to stomach thinking about them for another 10 years - I guarantee it Grin

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 30/03/2013 01:59

i only ever smoked about 4, and that went on for about 1o years, i never wanted or needed more.
i stopped thinking the chest infections were due to smoking.
they werent.
they were due to a hernia that gastro seem reluctant to perform surgery on, i figure if im going to get cancer anyway i may as well be happy!

my throat is inflamed. alreayd have surface changes to voice box. i wake each morning with a sore throat and other unpleasant symptoms.....

consultant said within 10 yrs those changes wont just be surface changes - so iguess that means something worse than a bit of inflammation.....

if gastro wont operate im stuck.
ive denied myself a methol ciggie for 10 years now.....if they operate i will abstain as i have for so long.

if they wont then i cant see the point.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2013 02:03

Why are you losing your job Vicar? Police Officer, right?

DramaLlamaFarmer · 30/03/2013 02:03

Your current medical problems are not going to be improved or enhanced by smoking 4 richmond menthol superkings. If you are at this point then really, have a couple. Then put the pack aside and forget about them. You sound more like you need an outlet for your stress and I don't think a couple of fags is going to be a sufficient outlet. Have a fat glass of wine and if you must, smoke a couple of fags. Then don't think about it again because when you wake up tomorrow with a throat like sandpaper, and that throat is BECAUSE of the couple of cigs, then you can think again...

DramaLlamaFarmer · 30/03/2013 02:04

I don't think I could have said the word "fag" more times in that ridiculous waffle I just spurted.

cumfy · 30/03/2013 02:11

Are you getting tests for Barret's osophegus ?
If you've "only" got "surface changes" and not Barret's you've probably got an excellent prognosis.

Smoking stimulates reflux so that will only make it worse.

Things that worked for me:

Drink loads of green tea.
Last meal 5 hours before bed.
Elevate bed head.
Sleep on left side. (Do not sleep on right)

Hope you get good news.

maras2 · 30/03/2013 02:30

Are you ok Vic? This isn't about fags is it? What is going on with the job,are you not meeting targets or are you being scapegoated?Sorry to be so personal but you have been so much help to posters in trouble over the 3 years of me being on MsNet and I hate to think of you being so upset.I think that you're a great person and a role model too.The way that you manage your difficult home/work balance is a thing that most people can only aspire to. Mx.

LoopaDaLoopa · 30/03/2013 02:55

Just want to send my love to you Vicar. Take care. And don't start smoking again. It's such a struggle. :(

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 30/03/2013 12:29

im over it now - im fine.

i just had a moment last night where i could have murdered a cigarette but im sure im remembering those menthols through rose tinted specs....

ive no real desire to start again. and i wont.

ive been off sick for a bit and work have started to simply ignore me....occy health are involved. im sure it will all be fine in the end.

im hoping that when i go to back to gastro consultant he will look at the photo and agree to assess for surgery. There is a keyhole procedure now so cant be that difficult to get...

no damage or barratts in windpipe - its all in my voice box.

OP posts:
LoopaDaLoopa · 30/03/2013 13:22

:) xxx

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