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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 10:21

verbalpunchbag - that is heartwarming for me to hear. Thanks

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 10:24

I can't remember who said it now, and it's to much of a pain to search back on my phone! But someone said what if it was your daughter and that did make me think a bit more seriously about it.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 10:28

Verbal - yes they are all somebody's daughter.

(It was me that said it Wink )

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 10:35

I wouldn't be so quick to offer me a bunch of flowers though, I won't be trying to convert anyone, or joining the kick all men who go to strip clubs gang. They're adults and free to do what they like within the law.

I don't have a daughter but I do have a young niece and I'd be mortified if she stripped for a living, well I wouldn't allow it, somehow. It was a good point well made.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 10:37

Fair enough - nice to know we got you thinking about it though.

countrykitten · 04/04/2013 11:07

verbal I said that these women are someone's daughter, sister, grandchild or some such - I am glad it made you think.

countrykitten · 04/04/2013 11:18

And the reason that I was banging on with 'how would you feel if your daughter did this?' was because I do think that men compartmentalise women in these situations - a sort of it's ok for other women but not ones that I love or who are close to me.

Anyway - all food for thought on both sides of the fence I think.

eatssleepsfeeds · 06/04/2013 18:27

The same thing has just happened to me.

Last night my husband went out with one other male colleague and didn't come home.

I realised at about 4am he wasn't here as dealing with DD2 at the time who is very sick at the moment.

He came home shortly after and I knew he'd been up to something as a number of things didn't add up.

Transpired he'd been to a strip club and had 2 private dances (that he has actually admitted to - god knows what else may have gone on).

If I'd not banged on and on at him like a dog with a bone he'd gave got away with it.

Both women were fully naked. During the course of the day I have got out of him the sorts of posititions they were in etc.

Needless to say, I feel sick.

Full gyrations, straddling him facing away, facing him. Face near his face, breasts pushed in face etc.

He claims he didn't get hard as 'far too drunk'. Yeah, fucking right!

We have 2 DDs. Married for 4 yrs, known each other longer. A good husband generally. I am his second wife. Kids from previous marriage. Good sex life (as good as it can be with 2 young children). Phenomenal sex when we have it.

It's not even relevant really and don't hate me for saying it but I'm really, really attractive! I know that sounds terrible but it's true. He goes on and on all the time how much he loves me, how much he fancies me.

Yet he does this.

I've chucked him out while I gather my thoughts.

My mind is spinning.

I never want to have hime touch me again.

It's weird. I read this thread a week or two ago and thought, well, I'd probably give my bloke a quick bollocking if he did that to me and move on pretty quickly.

Then he did it to me.

And I feel differently.

I don't want to break my family up over this but I don't really think I'm ever going to quite forget about the image.

And I can hold a bit of a grudge, me.

What a shit thing.

Hope you're ok OP. I know I'm fucking gutted.

You other lot out there - it's not quite the same when it's your own 'D'H.

LindyHemming · 06/04/2013 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eatssleepsfeeds · 06/04/2013 18:41

I've had that debate with myself all day and I keep coming to that conclusion.

I can't see how things will ever be the same again.

Babybeesmama · 06/04/2013 19:05

I would be pissed off but wouldn't kick DH out personally. He would have some serious making up to do but it wouldn't be the end of our marriage. Xx

eatssleepsfeeds · 06/04/2013 19:41

Maybe not end of marriage but end of intimacy, love, loyalty and trust as we know it.

Believe me, it hurts much harder than you imagine it would.

racheael76 · 06/04/2013 19:59

my husband went in like a lot of men on a stag night we nearly divorced.he to paid to be alone with a girl for a lap dance.the stag had a 2 girl lap dance acting out a scene i am told..i would never trust him to go out round town with his friends now but we stayed together and now have children.why is there things out there for men and not ladies not that i want to go in a strip club i wish they were all closed down i hate them.i only worry now whrn he goes away on bussiness as supliers companies sometimes take men for entertainment and if a group of men go in it must be hard for one man to say its not my cup of tea.x good luck for the future what i am

Buddhagirl · 06/04/2013 21:13

My dh did this and it didn't bother me at all. A lot of men don't like strip clubs, I loved him all the more for not liking it. Give him a break.

countrykitten · 06/04/2013 22:00

esf I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I hope that you are coping. Sad

Your comment about intimacy, love, loyalty and trust really struck a chord.

Buddhagirl your advice to 'give him a break' is rather trite in the circumstances as the poster has explained how she feels.

eatssleepsfeeds · 06/04/2013 22:07

I'm devastated.

The more I think about it, the worse it is getting.

I'm just sitting here by myself, sobbing.

I don't know what to do.

shellbu · 06/04/2013 22:27

he would be out the door with my foot up his arse !

MrsSpagBol · 06/04/2013 22:50

eatssleepsfeeds I am sorry this has happened.

I don't have any advice as I honestly dont know what I would do, but just wanted to lend support.

Buddhagirl · 06/04/2013 23:00

Do you consider it as cheating then? I'm sorry your hurting.

eatssleepsfeeds · 06/04/2013 23:11

Yes re cheating I think. The intimacy of the lapdances took it further than just 'porn' iyswim. There was touching involved. Women's bare vaginas literally touching my husbands legs. It's just too much for me to brush off.

eatssleepsfeeds · 06/04/2013 23:15

Thank you, everyone, for supporting. X

Buddhagirl · 06/04/2013 23:24

Your feelings are valid. Perhaps it's about working out if you can forgive him. And put it behind you both. Take your time, you don't want to do anything you e will regret

BasilBabyEater · 06/04/2013 23:28

So sorry eatssleeps.

racheael76 · 06/04/2013 23:42

my husband told me lap dancers have to keep arms length distance.i am shocked it involves touching bare vaginas literally. he told me one guy had a girl on girl private show /dance (2 girls together) .we are still together but dont trust him to go out with friends.a lot of men go in and id just proably be in the same position with another guy.would love to know figures of men who dont.i hate strip clubs.men can trust us to go out there is nothing for girls (not that i want anything)but there is for men and when they are in a group i worry too.i wish we lived in a world where all, every girl agreed not to touch behave wrong round another girls bf,dh.i am so sorry you are going through this as i know it hurts.sending you a big hug.xxxxx

Charbon · 06/04/2013 23:48

eatsleep I've posted on your Relationships thread. Don't make the mistake of regarding these events as isolated acts.

They are not.

In order to do this, there is a whole subset of attitudes and behaviours that underpin it. I'd really advise you to acknowledge that.

Men who feel entitled to use your money on sexual services, to stay out half the night without a courtesy call to the woman who's stuck at home babysitting, who then plan to lie by omission until the truth is dragged out of them tend not to be unselfish men who believe in equality.