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AIBU?

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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 23:02

No, I'm not a school teacher or a social worker.

And yes, you're damn right that if a man in my office made remarks about my body, I'd slam a complaint into the HR office.

Because er, I think I've got the right to work in an office where I'm treated with the same respect a man is.

You've internalised the attitudes of a very misogynist workplace as a self-defence mechanism.

I feel sorry for you. Some of us don't have to put up with shit from men. And we don't have to pretend that shit isn't shit.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 23:03

Ah, are we threatening your denial villagebird

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 23:04

Hahaha - now I KNOW you are joking.

I expect you would only get HR involved if someone said 'saggy tits' as you walked past....?

And I don't know about Fucktidia but I'm a teacher - what of it?

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 23:06

Some very damaged women on here - Eyes and now more weirdness in the form of village.

bp300 · 03/04/2013 23:07

Countrykitten - what I read from your post that what the OP has done isn't as bad as someone who sees nothing wrong with going to strip clubs because he is sorry. Surely if you think going to a strip club is cheating and you go to a strip club this is much worse than someone who thinks theres nothing wrong with going to a strip club going to one.

RatPants · 03/04/2013 23:08

"Equality blah blah blah"

Grin Sad
countrykitten · 03/04/2013 23:14

I am not excusing the dh of the OP but in my post I was trying to comfort her and make her feel ok about the fact that she is letting him back in to her life albeit slowly.

You have probably not helped in this. Try and be a little more thoughtful?

villagebird · 03/04/2013 23:14

Fucktidia. Oh dear so politically correct. You would not last 5 minutes in the City. Think you would be laughed out actually. So you all go out for 3 hour lunch in wine bar, get bit pissed and bloke says nice tits and you run to HR like a twat. Oh dear. So you would not for example say to him 'p off u nob' or simlar and just laugh iit off, as everyone else is standing there men/women laughing thinking it funny. You would make official complaint? Please say you wouldnt.

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 23:16

May I just point out that you said 'in the office' - different scenario.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 23:18

Actually I worked in a very similar environment to that - sexist, misogynist, creepy - for about 12 years and had a very successful career before I escaped.

The difference between working with decent people and shits like that, is wonderful.

I look forward to work every day now. Smile

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 23:18

Yes, a drunken lunch and the office is a different environment.

But tbh, all the men I work with wouldn't say "Nice tits" at a drunken lunch either - they're adults, not nobs.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 23:19

God you all sound like a right bunch of lefties.

Yup. And? Oh, I get it - you have lost the argument so you now have to get personal?

Equality blah blah blah . I take it you are the type that if a bloke in the office said to you 'nice tits' you would report him to HR.

Believe me, I've had worse than that said/done to me at work. Why are you so down on equality (blah blah blah)? Do you feel inferior to men?

bp300 · 03/04/2013 23:21

countrykitten Wed 03-Apr-13 23:14:00
I am not excusing the dh of the OP but in my post I was trying to comfort her and make her feel ok about the fact that she is letting him back in to her life albeit slowly.

You have probably not helped in this. Try and be a little more thoughtful?
___
This is my point though, there are too many people in denial. It is obvious that most blokes don't see anything wrong with going to a strip club in comparison to a majority of women against against it. The figures just don't add up. People need to be more honest and just accept that a vast majority of men do see nothing wrong with going to a strip club, that just the way it is. Personally I don't think the OP should even consider ending her relationship for something like this which is fairly trivial.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 23:22

CountryKitten. Not weird please. I just see this through my eyes that see it all at work. And my ex on stag do. Its no big deal. Life too short. He's not murdered someone. He has not cheated. How many of you ladies out there have got Husbands that have probably snogged some dollybird that they fancy in the office . They probably come home like mr nice guy family man. You will never know

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 03/04/2013 23:25

villagebird - you and bp300 seem so determined to tell us that our dh's are going to strip clubs/snogging birds and that we'll never know?

Again - why such a poor opinion of men?

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 23:25

bp300 well you and I are on a different page then I am afraid. I would never be with a man who would go to a strip club and I don't agree that most men think it's ok. The men I associate with wouldn't attend one but I am not denying that many do think it's ok and that they are enabled by foolish women like villagebird

RatPants · 03/04/2013 23:27

If you are a man who enjoys strip clubs who has a partner who is against them then surely you have a few options.

Stop going or go anyway (whether openly or in secret) while accepting that you are going to get ditched for doing so.

Why should women be the ones to accept it?

countrykitten · 03/04/2013 23:28

villagebird - dollybird....to describe a woman? Good grief.

Why do you think that decent men want to cheat on the women they have chosen to spend their lives with? Why?

bp300 · 03/04/2013 23:30

Countrykitten - Without judging your relationship in particular as I don't know you or your partner but you have to admit if you compare the amount of women who hold the same views as yourself as not having a partner who has been to a strip club vs the number of men who actually go to strip clubs then it is obvious that there are a huge number of men Lying to their partners.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 23:32

Think getting off point. If bloke goes to strip joint with his mates and he had a good time and he's not slept with stripper then SO WHAT. No harm done to anyone. If his wife/partner is jealous and insecure that is not the blokes problem. Its something she has to deal with herself. END OF

RatPants · 03/04/2013 23:34

I don't think it's insecure to not particularly want your partner's face in someone else's crotch. I'd say that's pretty normal in most relationships. Grin

villagebird · 03/04/2013 23:38

COUNTYKITTEN.......OH are we not allowed to say dollybird. Is that not a funny way to describe a young girl thats all dolled up to the nines. You sound like you have been brainwashed by the PC Party. Alot of so called decent men cheat on the woman they have chosen to spend their lives with. Many reasons they could 'go off' their wife and find someone else attractive and more fun. I think you are adult enough to answer that yourself. All sorts of reasons.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 23:41

It's not a question of being jealous or insecure, which if you'd read the thread with any attention you'd know villagebird. It's really irritating to read the same hackneyed assertions which have already been refuted further down the thread.

For the nth time, it's a question of some women having the self-respect not to accept this.

Some of us don't think we need to live with men who are so sub-standard.

If you want to that's your business - you go right ahead and help him wank over his memories of the stripper if you want.

But stop telling other women that we have to put up with this from men.

We don't.

We can choose to be single, lesbian or only live with men who don't do this.

These options are open to us and they are good, valid, realistic and enjoyable options.

Stop telling women they have to accept that most men are shit. In doing so, you are enabling the shit ones and ensuring that men as a class don't get any better and trying to justify your own enabling of shit men. It's so boring and has been dealt with over and over again - you're bringing nothing new to the thread.

villagebird · 03/04/2013 23:42

Why am I foolish for thinking its ok for bloke to go to a strip club. And whats wrong with the word dollybird OMG
Also countrykitten how on earth do you know that the men you associate with do not go to strip clubs or have affairs. Think some may be lying and you are gullible my dear. oh I said 'my dear' is that sexist. Better phone HR to complain.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 23:42

Anyway I'm off to bed now, if I don't respond it's not because I'm being rude, it's because I'm asleep.

Good night.

Smile