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AIBU?

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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 29/03/2013 21:43

Talk to him? Maybe his mates put pressure on him to go and he didn't want to be odd one out?

HeySoulSister · 29/03/2013 21:43

How did you find out?

DeadWomanWalking · 29/03/2013 21:45

I would do exactly as you have done. Deal breaker and the same as cheating IMO. If you decided to have a sexy dance with some random bloke in a club who just happened to be ripped like a ChipNDale and wearing nothing but underpants I take it he'd be quite happy with that? Hmm No, so why should you have to put up with it. I think you've done the right thing.

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion · 29/03/2013 21:45

Probably the same as you...I'm single atm so it's not something I'll have to face in the foreseeable future.

There will be some posters who will tell you that you're overreacting and it wouldn't bother them one bit but that's them. You are entitled to your feelings. You are entitled to decide what your dealbreakers are and to enforce them if that's what you choose to do. So if you decide that it is a dealbreaker then nobody else has the right to tell you that you're wrong.

Btw it's none of his family's business.

DeadWomanWalking · 29/03/2013 21:46

pinkyredrose can that really be used as an excuse? My friends made me do it and I didn't want to be left out. Hmm He's not 5 years old!

IWantATowel · 29/03/2013 21:49

I would go fucking spare.

LadyWidmerpool · 29/03/2013 21:50

I would do the same. I think my MIL would be furious too, but I am lucky with my ILs.

Plumsofgold · 29/03/2013 21:52

I'd class it as cheating too. What a wanker!!

PoppyWearer · 29/03/2013 21:55

It depends...did your DH tell you about it or did you find out from someone else?

Ye, it does matter.

Lessthanaballpark · 29/03/2013 21:55

Dealbreaker for me. Imagine if he'd done it without paying for it, with just some random girl in a club who did it voluntarily? That'd be like cheating for sure. So why does it make it better that he paid for it?

Fleecyslippers · 29/03/2013 21:57

Deal breaker for me. Vile. That is someones daughter who is being exploited for money.

aldiwhore · 29/03/2013 21:57

Was it Snow Patrol that sang about a sincere apology that didn't mean they didn't enjoy it at the time?

He's sorry. Truly sorry. He enjoyed it. So he's lying to try and scrape some get out clause out of it. He was weak, disrespectful to you. Forgiveable perhaps. What would make me think less than anything of him is the old 'I was just going with the flow' - I'd more readily forgive my DH for a private dance he admitted to enjoying and was sorry about than for being a sheep.

It wouldn't be a marriage breaker, and the house you live in is both of yours, and really to involve his mother is rather dangerous ground... it invites opinions that aren't purely yours and your DH's. However, if it were my DH with the same lame excuses, we would not be sharing a bed for a while, even if it meant I slept on the sofa not him. But I'm a believer in taking myself out of a situation rather than ordering another into one, our bed is ours, if I don't want to sleep with DH, I will leave the room!

He needs to know you find this unacceptable. He needs to know you are hurt. He needs to understand that he needs to be stronger (either by simply refusing and not being a sheep, or lying about his enjoyment of it) because he's married, and regardless of anything else, legally he's VOWED to be exclusive, so everything else aside his actions are serious.

I still wouldn' leave him though. But it's a tough call, because my DH isn't remotely interest in strip clubs, has walked away from a night out if it looks like it's ending there (to face my wrath and being called out to pick him up) and IF he did end up paying for a private dance would at least admit he liked it, but was sorry. There'd be hell to pay for sure.

But it would be all conducted at home, in house and over a period of time... (although if it was deal breaker, he'd leave of his own accord at some point I am sure, seeing as I'd be hell to live with).

YANBU to feel very hurt and angry. Get honesty from him, judge him by how you know him (none of us can do that bit) and take it from there.

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion · 29/03/2013 21:58

Why does it matter who told the OP?

The action is still the same however she found out about it Hmm

hopefloats · 29/03/2013 22:00

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aldiwhore · 29/03/2013 22:02

1/2 bollocks hopefloats

I was in agreement until that old chestnut making it the woman's fault for not giving out enough blow jobs... that is UTTER BOLLOCKS. Yet another lame excuse.

Though I do agree that women (not girls I hope) who work in these venues, often enjoy it and love the money and attention (a lot of the time, not all).

ruledbyheart · 29/03/2013 22:02

In my opinion yabu but it is personal to each couple, you have your rules etc and providing he knew your opinion on strip clubs before doing it then I understand why you'd be annoyed and if that was laid down as a dealbreaker fair enough.
However if the rules weren't clear then maybe you just need to discuss this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/03/2013 22:03

hopefloats if they are unhappy they should change things or leave. Not have a semi-naked young women wave her arse in their face. I know it SOUNDS like relationship counselling but isn't the same.

I can imagine what he would say if she was unhappy at home and had a happy few minutes semi-naked with a male friend.

HollyBerryBush · 29/03/2013 22:05

That is someones daughter who is being exploited for money.

Ummm I rather think that is someone who has her head screwed on, making the most of her assets and is exploiting men for the contents of their wallet.

A fool and their money yada yada

WillYouDoTheBunnyHop · 29/03/2013 22:06

If he knew how you felt about strips clubs and went anyway then YANBU.

For me the going wouldn't be a problem, the paying a fuckload of money for a lapdance would though.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 29/03/2013 22:06

Men who are not sexually satisfied at home, visit these clubs. The fault is closer to home, I believe. I feel sorry for him.

Hmm

So the OP should do lap dances to keep her man? I've heard it all now.

PoppyWearer · 29/03/2013 22:09

It makes a difference if he woke up the morning after and said "oh God, I can't believe what we did last night, I am SO sorry, what was I thinking, she was horrible, you are much more attractive!?" or did you find out indirectly - did he try to hide it?

The first, in my book, makes it better (not ok, but better).

RatPants · 29/03/2013 22:10

I'd take this as my cue to writhe naked in another man's lap, op. Grin

After all, what could he possibly complain about?

YouTheCat · 29/03/2013 22:10

Hope, what a vile thing to say.

The OP didn't force her husband into that club and make him pay for a lapdance did she?

ENormaSnob · 29/03/2013 22:10

My marriage would be over too.

Oh and a bit of food for thought, I was offered a job as a lap dancer when I was 15.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 29/03/2013 22:12

Enorma it makes my flesh crawl to think there is a market for 15 yr olds. Sick bastards.