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Original poster

Strip club!

645 replies

everythinghappensforareason · 29/03/2013 21:41

So dh has been kicked out back to his Mothers following a night out Saturday, that ended at a strip club, not only that but also paying for a lap dance from a young girl in nothing but a thong. Ive never been so mad, there was 3 of them. It makes me feel sick, he has apologised + claimed he didn't enjoy it one bit, it was worse than he imagined etc. but i just feel like people around me ( his family) Probably think im over reacting, so my question is, what would u do?

OP posts:
SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 01:19

bp - is it just a stag night thing with you, or do you go on other nights out?

Do you think that a stag night wouldn't possibly be the same without the naked ladies?

You say you've been on 10yrs worth of stag nights, so I'm you're - what, in your 30's? Are you married?

Do you think your life would be disadvantaged if you never went to strip clubs?

You don't have to answer those, of course, I'm just interested.

bp300 · 04/04/2013 01:23

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 04-Apr-13 01:07:38
What you are effectively saying to women here is that so many men go to strip clubs, it's really not worth us women objecting. I might dump one bloke for going to a strip club and then go on to another bloke who goes to strip clubs and lies about it?

Then I'll be without both those men then, thank you very much. There is more to life that having a man.

I don't like it but that's pretty much how it is. If everyone was truthful a majority of people would be single and something would have to give (probably the guys would stop going to the strip clubs) but it would take a generation for mens' attitude to change.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 01:30

Oh no - but that would tragic. Everyone single - for a whole generation - just because women object to their partners visiting strip clubs.

It's the end of the world as we know it - but I feel fiiiine

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 01:35

And it would all be the wimmin's fault wouldn't it?

Darn feminists.

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 06:44

I haven't read the last few pages of posts on here, i just don't have the time but i've scanned through it.

Interesting post from fucktidia though, "not the women who are groomed to believe that self-objectification is empowerment." Of course she's right, women who think they are empowered are fooling themselves but it's not their fault, they've been groomed by men. Well i thought as much, it would kill you to criticise another woman for anything, it all has to be a mans fault. This explains why in over 20 pages of posts there is not one single critisism of the women who strip for a living and help to objectify women.

As far as i can see many on here have views that are so black and white, so rigid, that it seems pointless to continue the debate because it won't achieve anything.

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 06:52

Everythinghappensforareason, I noticed you said this in your post, "He can look all he wants but touching is a no go!", i've never been to a lap-dancing club, never felt the need, but as far as i understand they have very strict no touching rules. Probably not much comfort to you but it is true.

I'm glad you've given your OH a second chance and i hope everything works out for you both.

countrykitten · 04/04/2013 08:05

God what a thoroughly depressing thread.

RememberingMyPFEs · 04/04/2013 08:26

I wasn't going to post on this thread but Villagegirls post about the city attitude and any woman complaining about a colleague saying 'nice tits' at a drunken lunch would be 'laughed out' of the city has made my blood boil. Attitudes like this have a far more damaging impact on equality than drunken stags watching a stripper once a year. That's not even about equality to be frank - it's just plain good old fashioned respect. Women and Men ARE equal. Some people have different abilities and some of those have a gender bias. If equality means being about to make rude and personal comments about each other then that's not the equality people have been campaigning for for years and years.

On the topic of strip clubs my DH goes very occasionally, generally when entertaining visiting businessmen from the Far East who request it. I don't really mind per se, I know he won't do more than look then come home horny. The objectification of women is so deeply ingrained in society it will take more than stopping sex workers to change attitudes. I'd rather take positive action against more mainstream issues like the hideous "hot or not" BS on farcebook or body image in the media...

countrykitten · 04/04/2013 09:00

I agree that the mainstream acceptance of sexism comments/abuse as demonstrated by villagebird is appalling and we should be tackling it - but that does not mean that we shouldn't tackle the other shit too. As you say, it's about respect and I think that the punters who attend strip clubs have serious issues around respecting women and seeing them as equals.

About your attitude to your dh going to strip clubs - THIS is what would completely turn me off on a purely personal level, never mind the respect for women angle:

I know he won't do more than look then come home horny

So when you have sex when he gets home horny - is he thinking about them or you?

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 09:00

The objectification of women is so deeply ingrained in society it will take more than stopping sex workers to change attitudes. I'd rather take positive action against more mainstream issues like the hideous "hot or not" BS on farcebook or body image in the media...

All these things feed into each other. It's all connected and down to women being viewed as sexual objects in society.

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 09:07

bp, verbal and all the other yawnsome men who come on here and tell us that 1. all men do it and 2. women have to put up with it:

All your posts say to me is "I'm a man who wants to go in a strip club. I'm going to convince myself that to go into a place where women are sexually objectified and leered at is perfectly harmless, and will not affect any of the real women in my life that I care about. If I pretend to myself that all men do this, I can feel better about myself doing something that, deep down, I know is terribly seedy"

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 09:15

verbal - touching is officially against the rules - but it does go on.

These are sleazy places, with an "official veneer" of niceness in order to get their licence. We had a lap dancer post on a thread about lap dancing clubs once, and she said that often the girls will offer touching and 'extras' for a fee, even though it is officially against the rules.

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 09:16

Running, what's really yawnsome is when people like you write lies about me on here, I did not say, all men do it, or women have to put up with it.
Neither did I say any of the other garbage you've written, if you find this so yawnsome I suggest you stop reading it and posting on here making sweeping generalisations if you haven't got the intelligence to put forward a constructive argument.

RememberingMyPFEs · 04/04/2013 09:29

countrykitten he's thinking about me and 99.9% of the time he doesn't get any anyway cos I'm already asleep Wink

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 09:31

verbal - oh sorry - my mistake. You're saying you don't ever go to strip clubs? I thought you said you did.

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 09:38

Running I'd have a lot more respect for you if you'd come back and admitted i didn't say such things and offered an apology rather than make some lame attempt at starting an argument with me.

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 09:42

My post was addressed to anyone that goes to strip clubs and argues they're harmless.

Are you now saying you don't go to strip clubs? Or that you don't think they're harmless?

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 09:49

Please feel free to read through my posts again and provide a direct quote where I said,"all men do it" or "women have to put up with it" or in fact quote anything I've written that could be interpreted that way. When you've done that I'll answer your questions. But then we both know that isn't going to happen because you made all that up and rather childishly you won't admit your wrong.

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 09:59

verbal -you posted yesterday telling us/the op that it's not the same as cheating and that we shouldn't leave our husbands over it. That is telling us to put up with it.

No - you didn't say all men do it - that was bp300 - you notice that I addressed my post to him too?

You said you go to strip clubs, that they're harmless and that they don't objectify women. So here - let me repeat my post for you:

All your posts say to me is "I'm a man who wants to go in a strip club. I'm going to convince myself that to go into a place where women are sexually objectified and leered at is perfectly harmless, and will not affect any of the real women in my life that I care about. If I pretend to myself that all men do this, I can feel better about myself doing something that, deep down, I know is terribly seedy"

Totally applies to you.

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 10:01

I've just seen that you argued lap dancing clubs aren't part of the sex industry! WTF?

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 10:05

Running, go look up quote in the dictionary, then come back and try again.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 10:07

verbal, you could always find different friends or different pub to watch the match in?

Your single friends don't sound very nice if they want to spend a saturday afternoon leering and shouting at strippers, and leave you in the corner watching the match. The way you described it yesterday - sounded like a hell-hole.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/04/2013 10:08

I think running's post touched a nerve?

runningforthebusinheels · 04/04/2013 10:11

Sorry verbal - I don't respond to barked orders over the internet.

We can all read what was said yesterday. It's ^^ there. That's the beauty of the written word.

Verbalpunchbag · 04/04/2013 10:16

Actually Sabrina the debate I had with the grown ups the other day has made me think twice about whether I'll go there again, missing a pre-match pint in that dump wouldn't be a hardship.
Running hasn't touched a nerve she just likes to make things up.