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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex DP left 19mth old DD in bath alone...

41 replies

moonmanic · 28/03/2013 19:44

And I had a massive go at him. He seemed to not think it was a big deal. I am of the opinion she is still too small to be left on her own and the danger of drowning is too high.

Ex DP comes round several times a week to do the bed time routine. I was in the living room when I became aware he was pottering around in the kitchen which leads into the bathroom. He then comes into the living room to ask me some random question about the radio. I assume DD is out of the bath and ask where she is, thinking she is perhaps in the bedroom. He was like, no she's in the bath. I have a go at him, rush past him and find her in the bath tub, thank god she is ok.

AIBU to think she is still way too young to be left for any amount of time in the bath? I think he is a massive douchebag. He then is in a strop with me for the rest of his time here.

OP posts:
SneezingwakestheJesus · 28/03/2013 19:45

YANBU. Definitely too young to be left.

Fairylea · 28/03/2013 19:46

Yanbu. Absolutely too young to be left.

My dd is 9 years old and I still worry!! (Extreme).

BlueFishWonder · 28/03/2013 19:47

YANBU, I won't leave my 26 mth old DS let alone a younger baby.

candyandyoga · 28/03/2013 19:47

Yanbu at all, he needs to swallow his stupid pride and see he was really wrong, what an idiot!

AllThatGlistens · 28/03/2013 19:47

Oh God my heart lept at the thought of that then and I'm not usually one for dramatics! Grin

19 months is far, far too young to be left unsupervised, my youngest is 2.6 and there's no way I could safely leave him unattended, bet you read him the riot act, and rightfully so!

MammaTJ · 28/03/2013 19:49

My DD is 7 and my DS is 6 and I still potter around nearby when they are in the bath.

I broke my leg when DD1 was nearly 9 and was not allowed to go upstairs, so she was not allowed baths, had to have showers.

3littlefrogs · 28/03/2013 19:51

He is being very irresponsible. A toddler can drown in less than 3 inches of water.

I wouldn't leave any child alone in the bath TBH. The potential for even an older child trying to stand or climb out and falling is just too great.

SnotMeReally · 28/03/2013 19:52

YANBU at all - not only is there the danger of drowning but what if she slipped and hurt herself trying to climb out? or touched the hot tap or heaven forbid managed to turn it on.

he needs to know he must NEVER do that again

ToomuchWaternotWine · 28/03/2013 19:56

You are absolutely right. The first aid course I went on for kids recommended supervising them at ALL times until AT LEAST the age of 5 so YAdefNBU!!!

We were also scared witless by the instructor talking about "dry drowning" ie kid goes under, swallows a lot of water, but comes up and seems fine. It's only Over the next few hours as the lungs are damaged that symptoms emerge, and can be fatal, ESP if you haven't seen them go under so don't know to mention this to doctor/A&E etc. a delay in treatment can be disastrous. just google dry drowning and tell him off BIG time!!

3littlefrogs · 28/03/2013 20:05

Do you think he will take on board what you are saying? Otherwise you are not going to be able to trust him to do bathtime. Sad

Ionasky · 28/03/2013 20:10

Look up a few old news stories and send/show them to him. My midwife had a friend who's 2/3 yr old drowned in the bath whilst she wasnt in the room and she went to jail. My dd often slipped whilst trying things out, he needs to stop being an idiot.

ErikNorseman · 28/03/2013 20:15

She could drown so, so quickly and easily at that age :(

Nyancat · 28/03/2013 21:23

If he thinks there is little risk of drowning (not that I'd agree) you could try and get him to accept that she might very easily have turned on the hot tap and scalded herself. Maybe if the idea of drowning seems too remote to him this wouldn't.

Original poster
moonmanic · 28/03/2013 21:53

I think I will need to show him stuff on the internet about how quick it is for a small child to drown. And also explain that she could easily climb out of the bath and hurt herself etc. He just seems so complacent sometimes, claims I'm a "helicopter mum" because I hover over her too much Hmm . He does'nt like me telling him off and he needs to swallow his pride about being told off for doing something wrong. I need to scare the shit out of him to hammer it home that he can't do things like that. Right now I feel like I can't trust him with her.

OP posts:
Misty9 · 28/03/2013 22:04

I used to be guilty of nipping out of the bathroom while ds was in the bath (now 18mo), literally seconds and I'd only be in the next room. Then I read a thread on another forum about a mum who'd done this, heard a bang, ran in, but was too late and her (15mo I think) dc drowned. In seconds.

I've never left him since, and dh won't either.

IneedAsockamnesty · 28/03/2013 22:28

Does he ever have her at his when she needs a bath?

VodkaJelly · 28/03/2013 22:31

My blood went cold reading this. Many years ago when the DC's were about 2 and 1, they were having a bath. The 2 year old was sat in the bath and sort of leaned back and slipped and went under the water.

I was standing next to the bath and saw him go under the water and I couldnt catch him in time, I pulled him out of the water straight away and he sat up coughing. He must have been under the water for 2 to 3 seconds maximum.

It scared the hell out of me, I can still picture him years later lying on the bottom of the bath, looking me in the eye.

VodkaJelly · 28/03/2013 22:32

Thinking about it, it was probably more like 1 to 2 seconds he was under, as soon as he slipped I dragged him out.

HerrenaHarridan · 28/03/2013 22:41

Yanbu. He is an idiot!

Around the time my dd was born a woman near where I was living left her 2.5 yo in the bath while she went to get a towel, ds slipped and drowned and poor (stupid) mother went to prison. Needless to say I literally do not take my eyes off dd in the bath,

SirBoobAlot · 28/03/2013 22:45

YANBU.

I wouldn't allow him to do bath time for quite a while.

midastouch · 29/03/2013 01:03

YADNBU my DP did the exact same thing with my DCs DS age 3.5 and DD 7 months (at the time) i went mad at him, he thiought i was over reacting. I still cant get through to him that i want neither of my DCs alone in the bat, as DS is not sensible enough and DD often falls forward even in her bath seat! I now bath them both myself as he clearly cannot be trusted!

Hugglepuff · 29/03/2013 17:11

YANBU . Even if he is stupid enough to think there is only a tiny risk - why would he even take that chance ?! Show him all these posts - everyone thinks he has been ridiculous !

frappuccino · 29/03/2013 17:17

YANBU. She is far too young to be left unsupervised in the bath and he is an idiot for leaving her.

Jelly15 · 29/03/2013 18:23

There is a child buried in the local cemetry because she was left in the bath while her mother answered the phone and she managed to turn on the scalding hot tap. She was twenty months.

whoopwhoopbib · 29/03/2013 18:41

Dp left our then 5 month old dd alone in the bath lying on a bath support while he asked me to get him something. I too went mad and was told I was overreacting as she was fine. I also posted an aibu because I wanted him to see what other people thought but he refused to read the thread. Afaik he has not left her since but I am very wary when he does bathtime especially as he was unable to see the risk.