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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread telling work that I'm pregnant

12 replies

CruCru · 27/03/2013 22:50

I am 12 weeks (post IVF) and back in work next week so I will have to tell them then.

I have worked for the company for 14 years but have recently moved to another department. Since I moved, it seems like every woman of childbearing age there has announced she's pregnant - think I might be the last straw.

I think I'm dreading a nasty atmosphere for the next 5/6 months, especially as I have been learning a new job. Ugh.

OP posts:

TWinklyLittleStar · 27/03/2013 22:53

Congratulations!

YANBU to be nervous, but - fuck 'em. Really. It's not your fault that other people are having children and you've done nothing wrong. So fuck 'em.

TheBigJessie · 27/03/2013 22:54

Congratulations! Not sure what else to say that would actually address your situation, though, sorry.

Original poster

CruCru · 27/03/2013 22:56

I know logically you're right. I think it's just that there seems to be a different way of doing things there - perhaps I just don't know the team as well as the guys I worked with before.

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 27/03/2013 22:58

That may be bad timing for the company, but it is wonderful for you. Congratulations!

I think once you feel more pregnant, you will worry less about the impact it has on work. You have been there for 14 years - you have more than earned your maternity leave! Although it may seem that you are the last straw, after a few months all the pregnancies will merge (to the company) and it won't make any difference who is the latest. Also, I do think this is a better position than some friends of mine who are the first in their company to go on maternity leave or return to work.

ivanapoo · 27/03/2013 23:01

Congratulations! I found out I was pregnant while negotiating a new job. I was petrified of telling my bosses but they were really great. Obviously I think they'd have preferred the timing to be a bit better but I'd shown the company a number of years of loyalty and hard work and that goes a long way.

So YANBU to feel like that but it's probably unnecessary. Enjoy your hard earned pregnancy.

Original poster

CruCru · 27/03/2013 23:03

It's also that I only came back from mat leave in October. Logically, if you take a year and want a 2 year gap then this is what happens but I'm not sure they are going to see it that way.

OP posts:

eslteacher · 27/03/2013 23:11

That's such fantastic news, conratulations!

You sound like you are altogether too conscientuous for your own good, re: work. You've been pretty dedicated for 14 years it seems, you're owed a bit of leeway.

The bottom line is: you are perfectly entitled to maternity leave, women tend to have babies, it's a fact of life, plus most women also need to work. So companies just have to deal with pregnancies and maternity leaves as a routine part of business. Yes maybe your bosses might feel annoyed from a professional point of view, but if they have half a heart and any shred of humanity at all, they should also be pleased for you being pregnant, especially if they are aware of any difficulties you've had getting there.

If they can't find the human side and only show annoyance, fuck 'em. I can imagine I'd feel really awkard about working in an atmosphere like that too, but I guess you just have to find a way to remember what really matters, rise above and just keep doing your job to the best of your ability.

Good luck with everything!

FannyBazaar · 27/03/2013 23:14

Do you have to tell them now? I thought legally you didn't have to tell them until 25 weeks or so. I was pushed to tell sooner, it didn't go down well.

StuntGirl · 27/03/2013 23:15

The thing is, legally there's bugger all they can do about it (although I know in reality it's different). It is your right. If you're worried about how they'll be, I would suggest keeping a little diary in case there are comments, attitudes, problems etc. from your bosses or colleagues so you can build evidence if needed.

Congratulations

Original poster

CruCru · 28/03/2013 00:00

I know legally I don't have to tell them until 24 weeks but that would look quite strange at my place and risks me getting put on projects that I won't be there for (plus I am starting to show a bit, I think).

Thanks for the kind responses everyone, think I'm just over thinking it.

OP posts:

LapsedPacifist · 28/03/2013 00:29

Just don't tell them if you feel in the slightest bit uncomfortable about doing so. Wear baggier skirts/dresses with boots or tunic/trousers combos if nececessary.

Seriously, you have NO legal obligation to say anything for a long time yet. Even if they suspect, then so what?!!!

Who cares if it looks strange! Don't worry about new projects - when you go on maternity leave they will have to organise cover for you anyway. It isn't your problem. Don't anticipate trouble!

Good luck!

PicaK · 28/03/2013 08:01

Don't forget they're human too. Wouldn't you be a bit miffed if someone assumed you would be a misery about good news?

Be professional. Think now about work implications. Do you know when you want to leave and when you are thinking of returning? No, you don't have to say this stuff but it's a two way street and showing thought and concern about the company may pay dividends. (and they can't hold you to it)

It doesn't hurt to acknowledge the impact your mat leave will have - without feeling guilty or thinking of it in terms of being a problem. Managers manage - that's what they are paid for. But everyone likes to be appreciated for the job they do.

But ivf pregnancies are different. If you do get grief, stuff them if you can. Nothing is more important than your baby.

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