Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ever so slightly envy SAHMs

86 replies

MrRected · 24/03/2013 12:27

My 3 school are all of school age (5,8,11). I have always had to work to keep us afloat. Up until now I have been lucky that I worked 4 days a week (one at home).

I was informed by my boss that as of after Easter I can no longer work part time. That its full time or nothing. I am a contractor so I don't have much choice in the matter.

I so wish we were a bit more financially better off. I would love nothing more than to be able to stay at home with my children and feel envious of those who can.

OP posts:

Fisharefriendsnotfood · 24/03/2013 12:28

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

VBisme · 24/03/2013 12:42

Swings and roundabouts, there's positives and negatives to both situations.

Shame that you're having to change your working hours.

janey68 · 24/03/2013 12:45

Agree with the others, There are a lot of advantages to working and its easy to think the grass is greener.
I expect you're feeling unsettled because your work pattern is changing after a long period of having been used to 4 days, but once you adjust you'll be ok

twilight3 · 24/03/2013 12:51

but you wouldn't be at home with your children because your children would be at school... so not as great as it seems really. Don't forget that many SAHMs envy you for being able to work...
The news about your hours must have come as a shock, I hope you adjust soon.

Schooldidi · 24/03/2013 12:57

I am envious of people who have the working life they chose. Whether that is sahm by choice, working pt or working ft with childcare that works well for them.

I'd like to be a sahm for a couple of years, but I can't because I'm the main earner in our family.

I also have other dreams I can't have either and I'm envious of people who can have it. I'm aware that other people are possibly envious of my lifestyle as well though, so I don't get too worked up about it.

MiniTheMinx · 24/03/2013 12:57

I agree with others who say "the grass is always greener" My eldest is 12 and I have at various times worked full time, been a SAHM and been self employed working from home. I think the best of all possible worlds for me is "all things in moderation"

The only time I really enjoyed full time stay at home role was when it had a greater purpose (we did HEd for a couple of years) than just picking up after, making food, cleaning and caring for the DC.

xigris · 24/03/2013 12:58

I don't think YBU but I agree with the others who say the grass is always greener on the other side. I'm on maternity leave at the mo with DS3 and although I miss work and my mates there (we're an unusually close team) I'm also enjoying being at home. Not just being with the children is because despite having a 11 week old baby I'm a lot less tired! I'm lucky in that I work 1 - 2 shifts a week but I mainly do nights which works really well around my family but means I'm permanently knackered . Not really sure what the perfect balance is these days...

porridgewithblueberries · 24/03/2013 12:59

Schooldidi I think that's probably the most sensible post I've ever read on the ongoing WOHM/SAHM debate.

It's choice, and the freedom to do as you wish whether that is work or stay at home.

lljkk · 24/03/2013 13:01

Grass is indeed greener, I am a very bored SAHM who would love to work FT.

Arisbottle · 24/03/2013 13:05

I agree with the OP, I have huge SAHM envy and as someone who has been a SAHM previously I know that for me the grass is much lusher, greener and healthier .

Arisbottle · 24/03/2013 13:05

I agree with the OP, I have huge SAHM envy and as someone who has been a SAHM previously I know that for me the grass is much lusher, greener and healthier .

Arisbottle · 24/03/2013 13:06

Greener on the SAHM side , that is.

ukatlast · 24/03/2013 13:20

I don't envy SAHMs as I have been one from choice for many years BUT I do think it would better if men and women could more easily work part-time in jobs and thereby both share the child-rearing, domestic stuff more equally.

'Having it all' is bloody hard work from a woman's point of view. If burnt out climbing the career ladder with a long-distance commute, it can be a relief to escape into full-time Motherhood. I know it was for me and then well-paid postings abroad for the whole family (DH's job) locked me into it....but I had my kids late so not so drastic to leave the 'rat race'.

Maybe we should advise our kids to consider working hour flexibility when choosing careers. A couple I knew who were podiatrists in their own practice, were able to share work and childcare successfully by both working part-time, teaching seems to be good because you potentially get the holidays to recharge your batteries and spend time with your kids.

At the end of the day, I do think kids like one or other of their parents to be around for them(I know I did)....it is a hard circle to square basically and the only recent legislation which has helped SAHPs is the stakeholder pension which you can pay into to even if not in paid employment.

Arisbottle · 24/03/2013 13:28

Lots of good points ukatlast, teaching for me is as close as I can get to having a career and having elements of SAHMdom in the holidays .

Would rather not have to work at all though .

Lucyellensmum95 · 24/03/2013 13:32

This wont end well and i think that is because it is a classic case of the grass is greener.

I think that there should be something done to actually make part-time working a feasible options for parents. If employers were more flexible i am sure they would have better value for money out of their employees instead of having a bunch of stressed out work robots who are trying to balance everything

wongadotmom · 24/03/2013 13:32

I agree with you to a point op. I do get tired working long shifts and some weeks I don't see much of DS(4) and I long to be at home.
But then again I would not like to be a 24 hour slave at home and never having a break and little money, I have been there with my older two dc.
Grass is not always greener.

Arisbottle · 24/03/2013 13:36

I do not see why this should end badly. Surely we can agree that for some people being a SAHM is more attractive and for others going out to work is more attractive . Depends on your work options , your income and the nature of your family .

Nothing contentious there, surely .

dingit · 24/03/2013 13:37

I won't add to everyone else's view in this debate. As you have no choice, could you try to find some positive? If your hours have increased, so will your salary, at least treat yourself to a cleaner or ironing service, and maybe save a bit towards a family treat / holiday.

FleeBee · 24/03/2013 13:41

I'm a SAHM following Redundancy & I'd love a job, a salary & equality with DH. Alas, jobs are v hard to come by at the moment

pictish · 24/03/2013 13:43

I'm a sahm who wishes I could work FT earning my own money, contributing to the household, and doing my own thing, after being a FT sahm for seven years.

Theicingontop · 24/03/2013 13:44

Grass is always greener and all that. I wanted nothing more than to stay at home with my beautiful baby, but couldn't. And now I'm finally doing just that, I'm finding myself sighing with envy at my friends who're going off to work and having adult conversations and earning their own money.

Also having to deal with the raised eyebrows of some of those 'friends' when I tell them I have no plans to work until my son is in school, which will be a couple of years yet. I find I'm more judged as a sahm than I was when I was working, which I didn't anticipate.

WorraLiberty · 24/03/2013 13:46

YANBU OP - to feel how you feel.

Others will of course feel differently and that's ok too.

I can't see why this thread won't 'end well' either.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/03/2013 13:53

FleeBee - that is sad that you don't feel equal with your DH because you aren't working. Is that your own thoughts or has he made you feel like that?

What comes out of these threads, is that the people who are happy are the ones who have chosen their situation and/or have the choice to alter it without undue stress or pressure.

I'm a SAHM, and I'm happy because it was my choice. I will return to work in the future, and we have the resources for me to retrain.
If I felt stuck and as if I lacked choices, then I would be unhappy.

janey68 · 24/03/2013 13:57

I don't see why the thread shouldn't end well either.

Op- do you have a partner who is also working? Is there any way you can rearrange so you perhaps have a different balance? Assuming he is up for that too. Of course, maybe you would both prefer not to work, in which case you need to just balance things out as well
As you can

MiniTheMinx · 24/03/2013 13:59

NO reason why the thread should end badly.

I agree with others talking about flexible hours and part time work being the route to choice. However over the last 30 years we have seen the rise of the two income family, now we see the two income family sitting beside workless households. In the states some economists are pointing to the rise of the 3 income family where two adults work the equivalent in hours of three full time jobs just to stay afloat. Of course this sits beside rising levels of workless households.

I don't know where the answer lies. When I hear Osborne talking about flexible labour markets I wonder if he means quite the same as the rest of us who want flexible working conditions.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread