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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To disengage from MIL?

20 replies

Ullena · 15/03/2013 12:38

Some background: despite numerous requests from both myself and my DH, MIL refuses to ring his mobile to talk to him. She has his number, and he always answers if possible. If he can't answer (eg - driving), then he will ring back as soon as he can. But MIL insists on ringing me. She doesn't want to talk to me, btw. Actually she doesn't even say hello. Just asks if DH is there.

Now, given that DH and I are separate people who don't spend every second together, the answer to this is frequently no! Whereupon MIL quizzes me on where he is, what he is doing today, etc. And I remind her that she needs to ask him, as I don't know the details of his schedule. MIL will then announce that she needs him to do X for her, at X time today. And usually I end up texting DH to let him know.

Until yesterday that is. MIL rang me, I answered. The following exchange then took place:
Me: Hello DMIL! How are you?
MIL: Is DH there?
Me: No, he's out.
MIL: Where is he?
Me: Er...I think he went to get a refill of his prescription from the doctor...
MIL: The doctor doesn't open for another half an hour!
Me: That's erm...nice? Is something wrong?
MIL: No. Is he coming round today?
Me: Not today, sorry.
MIL: Well is he collecting DN from school today?
Me: No, he is having a lot of trouble with his back. He will be taking his painkillers when he gets home and he can't drive with them in his system.
MIL: I HAVE A BAD BACK! I HAVE A FRACTURED SPINE!
Me: Well, then I'm sure you understand what it's like and how sleepy the painkillers make you?
MIL: I PAID HIM THE PETROL TO PICK DN UP!
Me: News to me, I thought he usually did it for free...
MIL: NO! I PAID HIM AND HE HASN'T BOTHERED IN TWO WEEKS! IT'S ONE DAY A WEEK AND HE HASN'T BOTHERED!
Me: Well talk to him then! All I know is that DH has been unable to pick DN up from school because he is in too much pain without the pills, and too sleepy with the pills to do so safely. I'm sure DBIL and DSIL can make other arrangements with a friend. They haven't told us that they can't.
MIL: Well, they can't - it isn't convenient. AND I HAVE A WORSE BACK THAN HE DOES! I AM IN CONSTANT PAIN; NONE OF YOU REALISE THE PAIN I'M IN!
Me: Oh fuck off DMIL!

I fear I may have snapped at the end, but I am at the end of my tether! She does this all the time, btw. If anyone disagrees with her, she just starts shouting them down. If anyone is ill, she must be more ill, and so forth. And she is prejudiced/bigoted against so many people and things that it actually forms a sort of negative equality towards the entire world.

So, I have told DH that I'm not having anything else to do with MIL. He hasn't said much, aside from an initial query of what happened. According to him, she hadn't given him petrol money, and DBIL knew that he couldn't collect DN at the moment.

Clearly, their stories don't add up, so one or both of them is not being entirely honest, but it's not my problem anymore!

I feel so liberated that it surely must be wrong...AIBU?

OP posts:
NinaHeart · 15/03/2013 12:43

YANBU to disengage.
But did you really tell your MIl to F off? (much applause if so)

WobblyHalo · 15/03/2013 12:44

Hahaha! You're finally words made me laugh, but only because I know exactly what you are going through.

I'm sure there will be people saying that you shouldn't have sworn at her, but you know what, you're also only human and can take so much.

You are right, it's not your problem. Don't answer when she phones.

I think YANBU

Ullena · 15/03/2013 12:45

Yes I did. I am not proud of myself for swearing at her, but tbh I'm not sure that she even heard me...

OP posts:
CruCru · 15/03/2013 12:45

She sounds ghastly.

LadyPessaryPam · 15/03/2013 12:47

Well done Ullena, I think you did the right thing there. She sounds like a monster.

MammaTJ · 15/03/2013 12:48

YANBU!!

Well done you.

Arithmeticulous · 15/03/2013 12:50

I admire the fact you have created the euphemism "disengaging" for telling someone to F Off Grin

ToupOfRegDwight · 15/03/2013 12:50

I would LOVE to tell mine to fuck off! I fantasise about it daily. Props to you and your huge balls!

ENormaSnob · 15/03/2013 12:54

Why is it your dh's responsibility to collect dn?

Yanbu

Ullena · 15/03/2013 12:58

PIL are supposed to pick DN up and drop her off at another relative's house after school due to work/travel clashes for DSIL and DBIL. But MIL decided that she would enlist DH to do this once or twice each week instead...

DH just told me he's proud of me and that I was right!

OP posts:
digerd · 15/03/2013 13:03

Is MIL the same to BIL and SIL?

catgirl1976 · 15/03/2013 13:10

Can I give you my MILs number? Grin

diddl · 15/03/2013 13:12

What an absolute busybody she sounds.

Does she hate that arrangements are made without her say so??

Why did your husband even get roped in to something his parents had arranged with his sibling??

TheFallenNinja · 15/03/2013 13:21

Me:hello
Mil: is DP there
Me: did you want stuffed crust
Mil: pardon?
Me: it's £20 to slough station
Mil: I don't understand?
Me: I'm sorry, we close at 5, 2 on a Wednesday.
Mil: can I just talk to him
Me: Alles hat ein ende. Nur die wurst hat zwei.
Mil: hello?
Me: hello?
Mil: can I speak to him
Me: can I speak to him
Mil: what are you doing
Me: what are you doing
Mil: stop it
Me: but did you want stuffed crust

I could do this ALL day long Smile

Ullena · 15/03/2013 14:20

Ninja that is awesome Grin

Yes, MIL hates anyone else arranging anything, and yes she is like this with everyone! DH just agrees to most things really, he is too amenable for his own good at times...

Ha ha...no, Catgirl, one is plenty!

OP posts:
Whocansay · 15/03/2013 14:21

YANBU, but possibly deserve a medal for your massive cojones! Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/03/2013 14:32

Ninja you could hire yourself out. Do MIL calls from home. People would pay you well for that skill.

Hopasholic · 15/03/2013 16:25

FallenNinja I have just weed a little bit

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 15/03/2013 16:29

I can quite understand why you lost your temper!

I LOVE ninja's suggestion. I will PAY you to do that! - as long as you record it for me Grin

LindyHemming · 15/03/2013 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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