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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im a terrible mother

42 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 02/03/2013 06:17

Dd is 4 weeks old tonight I set my alarm to feed her at 4am we actually woke up at 5.50 :(
I set an alarm as baby crying isn't always waking me up (I exhusted), my oh was going to be helping out last night so I could rest - he would do Nappies and burping I would only need to nurse but he slept through alarm
Too. Im sat here crying whist feeding her- she must have been crying with hunger for ages poor little thing and we slept through it. I'm so angry with myself and my oh we're fucking shit

OP posts:
TanteRose · 02/03/2013 06:20

The first few weeks are so exhaust

whingeosaurusrex · 02/03/2013 06:21

There's no way you've slept through nearly 2 hours of crying. Really, she would have got to that proper angry stage and when the tone changed it would definitely have roused you. She probably just slept a bit later. She's fine, don't worry!

TanteRose · 02/03/2013 06:21

Sorry, so exhausting, aren't they

You are NOT shit - you feeding her now, just take it one thing at a time

I assume she is in the same room as you?

littlewhitebag · 02/03/2013 06:22

I really wouldn't worry about it. You obviously needed the sleep and your DD will be fine. You don't know she was crying for ages - she might have slept longer too and her crying woke you. If this is the most shit thing you will do as a parent you will be doing well!

Feed your baby, have a cup of tea and get some more sleep if you can. All will be well and your DD won't resent you for ever.

cozietoesie · 02/03/2013 06:23

You're not terrible - you're both just exhausted. Babies are tough little blighters really (they need to be) and it will all look a lot better once the day has started. As soon as you see her sleeping peacefully you'll feel much improved.

Try and get some proper sleep - is there any short term strategy you could use?

TanteRose · 02/03/2013 06:23

Agree with whinge, too - she probably only woke up a bit before you did

You're doing fine - don't be too hard on yourself

nellyjelly · 02/03/2013 06:23

If she is in the same room I doubt you slept through her crying.

MammaTJ · 02/03/2013 06:24

I once slept through my DS crying. So much so, my neighbours across the road rang me to find out what was going on. Blush

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 02/03/2013 06:24

Yes she's in a Moses basket next to my head god knows how I slept through both, I feel sick about the whole thing

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 02/03/2013 06:26

Don't feel sick. She's feeding and the sky isn't falling.

Greydog · 02/03/2013 06:30

Don't panic - she won't have come to any harm, you need the sleep, don't thrash yourself over this - have a cup of tea and calm down x

LondonKitty · 02/03/2013 06:36

Those early weeks are just so exhausting. Don't give yourself such a hard time. She's being fed and cared for, and soon it will get easier.

MummyPig24 · 02/03/2013 06:37

It's easily done, when you are so exhausted your body just takes what it needs. You wouldn't have slept through her crying for 2 hours, definitely not!

DeepRedBetty · 02/03/2013 06:37

I too doubt she was crying much more than five minutes before you woke up. That newborn wail is so hard wired into our brains, I really don't think you'd have been able to sleep through it for much longer. You are not a terrible mother, just a knackered one!

MusicalEndorphins · 02/03/2013 06:38

She is ok, don't beat yourself up so much.
I suggest you try and sleep on the same schedule as the baby. Don't waste time on housework or think you have to stay awake in the day. When baby sleeps, you sleep. Every hour helps. :)

TroublesomeEx · 02/03/2013 06:50

Oh I bet she just slept later herself today too.

How did she seem?

You wouldn't have slept through her crying for that long because your natural sleep cycle would have taken you into a lighter sleep during that time.

But not only that, if she'd been that distressed for that long, she'd be unable to feed now because of that horrible stilted breathing thing you get when you've been crying hard for a while.

So Dr FolkGirl

Fairylea · 02/03/2013 07:20

I doubt you slept through her crying.

As a side note, why are you setting an alarm to feed her anyway? A lot of babies do start to go longer at this age (mine both slept through from 6-12 weeks) so you may be doing yourself out of sleep! If they are hungry they will wake you... unless you have been specifically told by a gp or consultant to wake for feeds??

sashh · 02/03/2013 07:20

Yes she's in a Moses basket next to my head god knows how I slept through both

You didn't.

You slept through the alarm, you woke with your baby's crying.

At some level your brain heard the alarm but as your baby wasn't crying you didn't wake up.

nosleeps · 02/03/2013 07:57

Calm down, stop giving yourself a hard time. Turn off the alarm.
You did not sleep through. She just slept a bit longer.

Have a nice lazy day and sleep when she sleeps.

ArtVandelay · 02/03/2013 08:11

I remember being so tired and confused at 4 weeks. I used to make a daily timetable for feeding and changing etc because l couldn't even think. If I look at them now (i saved them) I can see that I added all the times up wrong and I was acting mad, frankly!

I really believe your baby slept a bit longer than usual and you are a great Mum, if a bit tired :D

nilbyname · 02/03/2013 08:14

You slept through an alarm and your baby woke you with their crying! You are doing fine, don't sweat it.

Why are you setting an alarm?

NotSoNervous · 02/03/2013 08:17

She wouldn't have been crying for 2 hours it would have disturbed you if she got to that stage

Don't beat yourself up over this, forget it and move on. You aren't a terrible mother

ScarletLady02 · 02/03/2013 08:21

The first few weeks are SO hard, try not to be too tough on yourself. I really do doubt very much that you slept through 2 hours of crying if she was right next to you...

Turn off the alarm...babies at 4 weeks old rarely feed to a timetable and she would not have known what the time was.

You're doing fine, in a few weeks you'll back on this stage and you'll wonder how you got through it....but you will...it gets easier, I promise.

Monstermashpotato · 02/03/2013 08:26

Ditch the alarm. I dont see why you need one unless your LO has to take medication during the night.

Your baby will wake you when they are hungry. I can sleep through most things but my DD is next to my head too and she never fails to wake me, she is tiny but if she wants feeding the whole street knows Grin I doubt very much you slept through 2 hours of crying.

Even if you did let her cry for a bit, so what, it wasn't on purpose..she was safe in her basket. Stop beating yourself up. You are doing great.

Emilythornesbff · 02/03/2013 08:28

Congratulations on the birth of your baby.
I promise that you didn't sleep through her crying for any significant time.
Yu are not a terrible mother. You are a normal woman who is being a good mum to her new baby and is exhausted. As most of are with a 4 week old baby.

In my tearful moments i found it useful to talk to my hv (i don't have many local "mummy" friends) just getting off your chest how you feel can be really theraputic.
Massive unmumsnetty hug to you.
Em

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