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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mixed gender sleep over - AIBU

27 replies

phantomnamechanger · 20/02/2013 11:53

My friend sees nothing wrong with her being away from home overnight and her 13yo DD having a couple of friends over to stay and her 17 yo son having a couple of his friends over too.
I know for a fact one of the host girl's friends fanices her older brother.
I think it is naive to think this is OK - I know mothers of sons will come on and say blokes are not all pervs or rapists and I KNOW that, but it makes me feel uneasy - I just dont think it's good sense to have that set up. The girls may well be a bit flirty, there may be peer pressure and dares no matter how sensible and reliable they all usually are. There may be gate crashers or friends of friends who the mum did not even know were coming round.

I think she's being daft to allow this. Or is it me? Would you let your DD go?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 20/02/2013 11:55

Not with her being away, no way

HollyBerryBush · 20/02/2013 12:00

I wouldnt leave siblings of that age irrespective of sleep overs.

Lottikins · 20/02/2013 12:01

She is having not only leaving her y yo children for a sleepover without a responsuible adult in charge?

Shesparkles · 20/02/2013 12:04

YANBU at all!
I'll bet the 13 year old's friends won't be mentioning to their parents what the set up is.....My dd is 15 and there's no way I'd allow her to go to a sleepover like this.

jesuswhatnext · 20/02/2013 12:06

at those ages its a recipe for absolute bloody disaster! - there is no way i would have allowed it at 13, i wonder if the dds friends parents know what is planned?

NotMostPeople · 20/02/2013 12:07

No I wouldn't. My friend lost her virginity to another friends older brother in similar circumstances, she was under age.

valiumredhead · 20/02/2013 12:08

What age would you leave siblings holly - if they are sensible then surely 13 and 17 is old enough? I'd left home by 17 and was looking after other people's kids at that age.

Carolra · 20/02/2013 12:08

There is no way I would let a 13 year old go to a sleep over with no adult in the house, that's not sensible anyway - but then if you factor in some 17 year olds as well, it just becomes madness. Good luck!

HollyBerryBush · 20/02/2013 12:10

valium I'd leave my 17 and 16yo BUT I'd not add my 12yo into the mix because he is a wind up merchant. There would be a fight.

Branleuse · 20/02/2013 12:11

yanbu! shes being very naive

HollyBerryBush · 20/02/2013 12:14

Having teen aged boys, I know exactly what any of them and their friends would think of 13yo girls. Irritating children.

It's the girls who be the problem in this scenario. Prancing, preening, flirting, generally getting in the way of a black ops kill streak.

jesuswhatnext · 20/02/2013 12:18

our dd was 17 before we left her overnight, we went on holiday etc, she was fine, i knew our house was 'party central' for a fortnight but trusted her to look after our home (which she did) - i knew full well her bf stayed the entire time, tbh, he was 19 and i was relived she had him here - absolutely no way would i have left a younger sibling with her.

Original poster
phantomnamechanger · 20/02/2013 12:19

Our DDs are not friends - different schools etc so I dont have to worry or make a decision about my own DD as she's not invited! I would NOT let her go. if it was just the girls on their own, I might let DD go on a sleepover knowing there was no adult. she would have a strict list of dos and donts and I trust her to phone if there was any problem at all. I think throwing older lads into the scenario - they'll all be showing off & the peer pressure would be greater and all sorts can go wrong. Friend wont have it - she says she trusts her children and that's that. I don't know whether the other parents do know there will be no parent home.

I once taught a Y8 girl who was running a brothel after school for her brothers mates, so maybe I am over cautious!

OP posts:
steppemum · 20/02/2013 12:29

I wouldn't allow my dd to go to a sleepover without parents at 13, so i am sure they don't know the set up.

I also wouldn't allow my dcs to have sleepovers if I was away. I think it is asking for trouble

Who was the Scottish comedian who does a great skit about having a party at an 'empty' (empty house)

jesuswhatnext · 20/02/2013 12:29

i dont think its actually a question of 'trust' - my dd was a fairly sensible girl at 13, she didnt cause us any worry etc - i just remember a 'gathering' she had at 14, about 6 girls and 2 boys, (a nice bunch of kids we had known for several years at that point) dh and i went out for a meal, not a long one, home by about 9pm, all hell had broken loose because of consumption of WKD, not much of it either - puking, crying, over emotional 14 year olds, oh twas a fun night! none of them were mature enough to have sorted anything out, they needed us and were actually relived when we got home.

steppemum · 20/02/2013 12:31

would be happy to leave them overnight, but not with friends round

cateerob · 20/02/2013 12:31

Depends on the children, my son at 17 was very responsible he wouldnt have gone anywhere near his annoying sisters friends,now at 19 he still thinks his sisters 16 year old friends are little kids and annoying...but i would not have been happy with my 13 year old unsupervised in a house for a sleepover there are worse things that can happen than teenage sex, i would be worried about drinking, drugs, the house burning down..ect..lol

sneezingwakesthebaby · 20/02/2013 12:32

YANBU. Another one thinking back to her own youth attending similar sleepovers here! Saw my first penis at one of them. There's absolutely no way id let dd go to one!

steppemum · 20/02/2013 12:32

agree with jesus - it isn't about trusting them, or even about sex, but about them doing daft things and not being old enough to deal with the fallout

KellyElly · 20/02/2013 12:34

I wouldn't allow my dd to go to a sleepover without parents at 13

jesuswhatnext · 20/02/2013 12:39

oh! just remembered this one Grin dh and i at a dinner party, his phone rings, i hear him say 'well, the stopcock is in the cupboard under the sink and whatever you do, dont use mums best towels on the floor' Grin didnt enjoy the blackforest gateaux much after that! Grin (she was 17)

SkinnybitchWannabe · 20/02/2013 12:42

I wonder whether the parents of the girls know they will be unsupervised.
I haven't got daughters but if I did, I wouldn't let mine go.

steppemum · 20/02/2013 12:52

jesus that is great - love the way he didn't feel the need to rush home, and remembered to tell her about towels - priceless!!

andubelievedthat · 20/02/2013 13:27

Scottish comedien>KevinBridges, and yes ,he was joking of my yoof, mum/dad away ,hey guess what ,? i got an "Empty!!!" ,was pre "drugs in common use" era, being drunk was very bad form,no girl ever went"all the way !!" crikey, how tame were we (my punk mates and me?)best wishes .

BackforGood · 20/02/2013 13:37

No, YANBU.
No, I wouldn't leave my 16 yr old ds and 14 yr old dd home alone together overnight
No, I wouldn't want either of them attending this set up.