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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to miss my name

36 replies

WinkyWinkola · 19/02/2013 23:08

and to wish I'd never taken dh's name even though we have a good marriage?

I had my name for 33 years and I didn't even think to keep it but now I have 3 sils with my family name, I feel a pang.

OP posts:

NoisesOff · 19/02/2013 23:11

Could you change your name back? I married at 34 and kept my name. It would have been too weird to suddenly have a different name at that age and my husband's name is very boring

McNewPants2013 · 19/02/2013 23:11

Change it back if that what you want to do

pookamoo · 19/02/2013 23:12

I have one credit card in my maiden name. I am keepingit.

I used my maiden name at work up until 2 years ago when I stopped to have DC2, and some of the utility bills used to be in my maiden name from when I set them up before we got married.

Just changed the broadband supplier and pop went another little bit of the "old" me as it changed to my new name.

I understand where you are coming from.
However, when I eventually go back to my career, I will take up my maiden name for that again.

LeaveTheBastid · 19/02/2013 23:16

Just a name, doesn't define you. You could be called Shitty McShitterson and you'd still be the same. How would your DH feel if you changed it back?

apostropheuse · 19/02/2013 23:16

Just revert to your maiden name then. It's really quite simple.

ElectricMonk · 19/02/2013 23:18

Posts like this make me so glad I kept mine, despite the angst it caused at the time. Would your DH mind you changing it back?

ElectricMonk · 19/02/2013 23:18

(Not that his feelings should override yours, obviously.)

CharlieBlanche · 19/02/2013 23:23

Have you been married long? It does take a wee while to get used to. I love my married name and live that we're all "Blanches" together now I have DC but still love my other name too and make sure my children know I was Charlie Xxx before I was Charlie Blanche.

Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 19/02/2013 23:34

Married 9 years.

I know dh wouldn't mind but the dcs would. I used my bank card to pay for something the other day and dd spotted my original family name in it and was asking me why I still had it, why hadn't I changed it to be like the rest of them etc.

I know a name doesn't make one the person they are but for some reason, I still hanker after it.

I might use it professionally.

OP posts:

CharlieBlanche · 20/02/2013 00:27

That sounds like a good compromise OP.

Morloth · 20/02/2013 03:40

So change it back. The kids will get over it.

I never changed mine, the boys both have DH's name, they don't care.

Jeezaloo · 20/02/2013 03:57

I took DH's name when we married, but then changed my name by deed poll to incorporate my maiden name as my middle name (not double barrelled - that never would have worked).

DS now has my maiden name as a middle name too, so I like that compromise. Although I don't use my maiden name, I know it's still there.

kiwiscantfly · 20/02/2013 04:41

noisesoff that's me too! I kept my name because DH's last name is very run of the mill aka dull. DC have his name and that's ok, I like being me!

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/02/2013 05:21

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

It's not every day I get to quote Shakespeare so I'm doing it now.

echt · 20/02/2013 05:33

A name IS important, if it wasn't we wouldn't have threads disputing which surname to use on marriage.

Go for it, OP. It is important to you, and that's reason enough.

Alan Bennett pointed out once that a woman doesn't take man's name, Her name is the one taken, i.e. removed.

I do not use DH's surname, and DD has mine.

TiggyD · 20/02/2013 06:19

MrsTerryPratcett said "What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

I counter with:

"Not if you called him Stench Blossom" - Bart Simpson

"Or Crap Weed" - Homer (Simpson)

exoticfruits · 20/02/2013 06:45

You can change it back- I know someone who did after 10 years. It seems odd to me that you want to share it with 3 SILs rather than your own family , but that is personal choice.

cheeseandchive · 20/02/2013 08:07

Oooh YANBU - me too! Got married two months ago and kind of changed it without thinking about it (applied for new passport) and really miss my maiden name. Think DH would love for me to have his surname but totally understands my reluctance, I just can't pay out another £80 for a new passport to change it again so soon!

I don't have a 'profession' as such but I've kept my maiden name at uni and informally, I always introduce myself as cheeseandchivemaidenname. I use my married name for more formal situations (where I'll need ID) and maiden name for everything else.

yellowsheep · 20/02/2013 08:32

I had a beautiful double barrelled name - one of only 5 people in uk to havr the name - i thought it would die out as db has sn...... luckily my sis is marrying a lovley lady who is taking her name, and they both want children so there may be some little xxxx after all ;)

ErikNorseman · 20/02/2013 08:36

YANBU! You don't give up your name when you get married, you are entitled to revert at any time. Just go back! Why not?

valiumredhead · 20/02/2013 09:32

That's why I kept my name when I married!

MurderOfProse · 20/02/2013 12:50

I've used both since we got married 7.5 years ago. Passports, medical and financial stuff all in my maiden name, and anything child-related (e.g. who I am known as at DC school/nursery etc) has my married name to make things easier there.

Occasionally I forget which name I've used where, but it's really unusual and most people are fine searching under either name - nobody has acted surprised.

I love my old name, I didn't want to give it up! Even more so since my father passed away a few years ago - weirdly it feels like one of the few links I still have to him as due to complicated circumstances I never had anything of his.

WellTravelledPrawn · 20/02/2013 13:24

A colleague reverted to her maiden name at work (after 15 years!) as her brother in law is very famous (with a distinctive surname) and she got fed up with people asking if she was related to him.

You could just change it back bit by bit, first the passport, then the medical records etc.

I don't know about other posters, but it can sometimes be tricky having 2 different names (I have 4, as I use a diminutive of my first name too). The other day a woman from a shop said 'oh yes, your father said you might be in, but he didn't seem to know what you were called'!

PurpleBlossom · 20/02/2013 13:30

Sounds a silly question (and sorry for hijack OP) but when do you actually change your name? Is it on there when you sign your marriage certificate? I'm getting married in April and have no idea

Loz1980 · 20/02/2013 13:30

I was more than happy to change my name when I married but admit that I feel a bit funny now because my brother has just proposed to his girlfriend who has the same name as me. I feel jealous (ridiculous I know) that she will have my old name once she's married.

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