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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to this wedding?

36 replies

space21 · 18/02/2013 22:40

I have also posted in Travel but need the straight talking from here!
A dear friend is getting married mid May in Essex. I really want to go of course but am PG with DS2 who is due end March. I live in Bordeaux so would have to fly.

At first it seemed feasible but now I'm starting to get myself in a tizzy about whether it's safe to take a 6 week old (maybe less maybe more) on a plane and then surround him with loads of people and expose him to potentially harmful germs before any vacs. And then we're not even sure of getting his passport in time.

I know I'll be upset if we don't go but at the same time I'm scared at the fragility of a 4-6 week old.

Maybe this is more a WWYD than AIBU?

OP posts:

anonymosity · 18/02/2013 22:42

YANBU - don't go! Who knows, you may be feeling like supergirl but you may also be tired and lumpy and not wanting to travel.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 18/02/2013 22:45

Can you postpone the decision until after the baby is born?

I have 2 DC and had completely different experiences after the birth. There's no way I would have made it after DS but could have done it after DD.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 18/02/2013 22:46

Oops, meant to add YANBU not to go.

KobayashiMaru · 18/02/2013 22:47

If you don't want to go, don't. There is no reason why you can't do a short plane trip with a young baby though, I've done it with younger babies.

Original poster

space21 · 18/02/2013 22:49

Kobayashi - how old were the babies?

OP posts:

DowntonTrout · 18/02/2013 22:52

I think, if you can, plan on going. You can change your mind right up to getting on the plane. No one can tell you how you will feel after the birth. You may feel fantastic or you may not feel up to it. Only you will know, at the time.

KobayashiMaru · 18/02/2013 22:52

My first was 3 weeks old on a one hour flight, 2nd was 5 weeks and I had the 2 year old as well.

RichardSimmonsTankTop · 18/02/2013 22:53

I did a three hour flight (to get to a family event) with a four week old and it was fine, DD just slept the whole way. We'd booked the flights last minute though as I wasn't sure if I'd be up to it.

If your friend agrees I would try and decide after the baby is born.

DowntonTrout · 18/02/2013 22:55

Oh and I took my 4 week old to Egypt. But it was my 3rd DC and I made the decision the week before going.

BeCool · 18/02/2013 22:56

YANBU to decide not to go. See how you feel after the birth. You don't have to decide now.

I flew from UK to NZ with a 6 week old. It was a piece of cake. Bf certainly made it very easy.

They turned dds passport around very quickly (UK passport).
Overall I was very mobile and found it easy to be flexible with a young bf baby. Few nappies, change of clothes and we could do anything. I travelled a lot.

Now I have 2 young DC and they aren't babies its a completely different story of course.

Original poster

space21 · 18/02/2013 23:22

Thanks for your advice.

I will talk to my friend and not book anything until after the birth. It's the unknown that bothers me the most I think.

Ha ha BeCool I'll have a 2 year old with me too - DH will be running around after him

OP posts:

smellysocksandchickenpox · 18/02/2013 23:28

when my first was that age I was still loosing clots and being threatened with re-admission, her jaundice hadn't flushed out yet, and BFing still wasn't properly sorted - and we were doing pretty well compaired to a lot of my antenatal friends, Oh and 3 weeks on is colic time, and oh boy did we know it!

I couldn't have travelled, I couldn't have even gone to a local wedding for more than a couple of hours early in the day before the colic set in

2nd baby isn't even that old yet and I could travel tomorrow. My stitches haven't healed right and I have spd but nothing urgent medically and the baby is feeding well and quite content

I would say no. It'll ruin your "baby moon" to spend the first weeks worrying if you'll both be ready for the trip on time

mameulah · 18/02/2013 23:32

Don't go!!! Really, don't go.

We have a twelve week old baby and whilst it is utterly wonderful I cannot imagine the pressure of KNOWING that we had to get ready for an event after he was born.

Our ds was four weeks old on Christmas Day and I had EVERYTHING organised before the end of November. I remember being so grateful at the time that it was all done because I couldn't at all have imagined coping with Christmas shopping and the visitors and the lack of sleep etc etc etc.

If you can't be straight with your friend and just say that you are not going then pretend that you are waiting to see but have your mind and your excuse ready for when you need it.

Honestly, don't put yourself through it.

BackforGood · 18/02/2013 23:34

As others have said - they are all different, and you just won't know until the time.
When dc1 was 6 weeks old, I was still in my dressing gown most of the day wondering what on earth had hit me. With dc2 and dc3, they just slotted into daily life after a very few days.

BlatantLies · 18/02/2013 23:36

I would plan an alternative weekend get together later in the Year. One where you can celebrate the wedding and actually get to chat and enjoy each others company.

smellysocksandchickenpox · 18/02/2013 23:40

also you can think you feel fine after the birth but it might be adrenaline and it'll all catch up with you in a couple of weeks

and the baby might nap nicely on week one then by week 4 scream constantly with colic/reflux

Or the other way round, you might feel like chicken-licken on week one then be feeling fantastic in a couple of weeks

you won't know how you'll both be at week 4-6 until week 4-6. How it is immediately after the birth won't be an indication. Its very up and down and up again in the first weeks - it takes a while for it to settle and know yourself and your baby and what you can take on

Benby · 18/02/2013 23:40

I would say don't do it. I put myself under tremendous pressure to go on a family holiday 6 weeks after having dd2 by c section. We didn't even have to bring the new baby my mam minded her, we only had dd1 with us. But I really feel in hindsight it pushed my recovery back months.
Best of luck with your decision.

bedhaven · 18/02/2013 23:58

We were hoping to attend a friends wedding in France from the UK a month after my due date. DS had other plans however and after arriving 13 days late was just too young as sleazyjet require infants to be more than 14 days old.
We reckoned on 2 weeks for passport but realistically think this would have been closer to 3. You'd need to register the birth quick smart (I seem to recall France insists on it quickly rather than the potential 2-6 week wait here).
Have someone authorised to confirm your identity and submit the forms. In the UK you can make an appointment to submit the forms in person (and thankfully it doesn't necessarily have to be taken by the mother even if she is the parent applying. However, child's first passport cannot be collected same day, you still have to wait for post! Obviously might be different in France but hopefully gives an idea of barriers that crop up.
I was actually retrospectively pleased not be able to make it, it would have been exhausting.
We were lucky to have understanding hosts who knew the issues and were able to keep our places just in case rather than give these (let's face it expensive) places to others.
Good Luck!

squeakytoy · 19/02/2013 00:13

Why not drive and stopover at a hotel half way to break up the journey. It isnt a massively long drive.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/02/2013 00:19

squeaky you can't have a child that young in a carseat for 10-12 hours over two days and then back again, it is so bad for their backs.

NynaevesSister · 19/02/2013 00:19

I did UK to Hong Kong at that age and was fine. As said it depends on you and baby. Breast feeding helps. But at that age they are so tiny and so easy to manage. Flying with a 13 month old is what you want to avoid ...

squeakytoy · 19/02/2013 00:21

It would be a ten hour journey over 2 days, which I would say is perfectly safe to do and know many people that do it.

5madthings · 19/02/2013 00:23

See how you feel, time babies that age are very portable, it will be the two yr old who us hard work!

Original poster

space21 · 19/02/2013 05:29

I honestly can't remember how ds1 and I were at 6 weeks - it was such a whirlwind!
I had my son here and they send a registrar to the maternity ward on day 3 to register the birth - all very easy. (you can stay 5-7 days in the maternity ward).
Passport on the other hand has to be applied for thru uk embassy in Paris and that isn't complicated - but they are currently quoting lead time of 6 weeks!!!!
I like the idea of arranging a weekend later on ... Maybe that's the way forward?

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 19/02/2013 05:37

We had a wedding, a 5 hour drive, six weeks after DS1 was born. Nothing physically to stop us going, but remember you will still be post partum bleeding (no one ever tells you about that at antenatal classes) and generally feeling rough because of the blood loss.

Not forgetting the amount of paraphenalia most parents lug about with a PFB.

I would decline - unless you wants to show the baby off. Which of course some people do.

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