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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry about my son's headbutting

32 replies

MuminMilan · 17/02/2013 18:33

I have a 15 month old ds who headbutts everything: stone floors, walls, windows, toys, me. Usually it is a reaction to bring told off, but sometimes he just puts his head down and runs into the French windows. When he headbuts me it really hurts me, so he must be hurting himself, but he continues to do it. Needless to say I try to catch him where I can, but he has got it down to a fine art... AIBU to worry that this is weird behaviour (and that he could hurt himself) or is it normal at this just a phase?

OP posts:

ScillyCow · 17/02/2013 18:35

I would get it checked out. DOn't think it is that common.

I would definitely go to GP.

Kickarsequeen · 17/02/2013 18:37

I had a headbutter! Like most things it was a phase I despaired for a while then bought a bean bag every time she was told off and went to head butt something I would lay her on the beanbag and pretend to ignore what she was doing. Within a couple of weeks she had stopped. Good luck

MoreBeta · 17/02/2013 18:38

I had a cousin who used to have tantrumns and headbut concrete floors. It never hurt him at all but terrified his mother.

Not good though that he headbuts you. Do not worry about him hurting himself, as you say he has got it off to a fine art. He is hurting you though.

Not sure he can be reasoned with at 15 months but I wonder if he might learn not to do it if you did some mild exclusion punishment like being put in a play pen for a few minutes to calm down.

TitHead · 17/02/2013 18:52

My DS went through the same thing at around the same age. All the advice semmed to be ignore ignore ignore. I did a bit of research and found it is actually very common and more so in boys. He did it with such force it was scary to watch. I ignored where possible or if I was concerned about saftey would move him away place him down somewhere safe and ignore. A couple of months later it stopped as quickly as it started.

OneWaySystemBlues · 17/02/2013 18:57

This might be a useful read? www.babycenter.com/0_head-banging_11554.bc There are two pages, the second one has tips on how to deal with it.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 17/02/2013 19:08

That sounds unusual. It might be worth canvassing the GP's opinion.

DefiniteMaybe · 17/02/2013 19:10

My ds did this. He started at about 18 months and carried on until he was 3. In the end he just stopped doing it.

flamingtoaster · 17/02/2013 19:11

My DS did this for a few months at about the same age. In his case it was frustration and as soon as his language became fluent he stopped completely. I used to have a large soft cushion that I would slip between him and whatever he was banging his head on.

Shellywelly1973 · 17/02/2013 19:16

My youngest ds did this from about 14months til 18 months. It so distressing to witness as a parent.

I used to ignore it&try to distract him.

Great link from oneway.

jojane · 17/02/2013 19:17

My ds1 did this for a while, he was a late talker and looking back it was frustration at not being able to communicate at the level he wanted to.
We tried ignoring, telling off, holding him, distraction amongst other things but nothing seemed to work, he grew out of it

threesypeesy · 17/02/2013 19:21

my youngets dd does this shes 1 and headbutts the floor, radiator,me , her sisters,toys, doors she also slaps her own head seems to be a frustation thing. we tell her not to do it that its silly but she laughs doing it! horrible to watch and hopefully a phase

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/02/2013 19:22

I've had several head butters. I wouldn't fret about it.

OHforDUCKScake · 17/02/2013 19:38

He gets told off at 15 months?

natwebb79 · 17/02/2013 19:41

My 15 month old does exactly the same when frustrated and having a tantrum or teething. HV said all very normal/common, he'll grow out of it and just try to distract him. I'm getting brilliant at ninja-quick headbutt dodging after being given a fat lip the other week when he was particularly upset and flung his head forward!

littlemisssarcastic · 17/02/2013 19:44

He puts his head down and runs into the French windows?
I would be more concerned about this than any of the other things you mention.

SolomanDaisy · 17/02/2013 19:48

It's really common! My DS did it for a while at about the same age, both when he was cross and when there was something which made an interesting sound if he head butted it. It passed, he now occasionally does a fake head butt as he doesn't want to hurt himself!

fertilityagogo · 17/02/2013 19:52

I had two headbutters!!! Second time around my cousin suggested it was a reaction to teething.... I think she was right. The head butting seemed to be an attempt to manage the pain/irritation (albeit not an ideal one!!)

I found that the second time around it was lessened after a wee bit of bonjela or calpol.

Both boys older now and head butting a distant memory....

SashaSashays · 17/02/2013 19:57

Eldest DS was a headbutter, it horrified me.

His worst crime was doing it until he made himself cry and then pointing at the baby (DS2), I think this was to accuse DS2 or get more attention but used to make me really upset.

At about 3 he headbutted the leg off one of our tables, also regularly headbutted walls and floors.

At some point he just stopped, I'm not sure if it was for attention or through frustration, but it did just stop. I imagine if you have a look around there will be suggestions for dealing with it. I can understand that its worrying but I think its quite common, mainly in boys.

ScillyCow · 17/02/2013 19:58

Seems much more common than I thought!!

Kickarsequeen · 17/02/2013 23:22

Ohforducksake, children do need to be told no at 15 months, for lots of different reasons. My daughter who was a headbutter would potentially do it if told in a reasonable tone "no DD2, you mustn't run in the road" there's telling off and telling off!

DueInSeptember · 17/02/2013 23:57

I remember my sister headbutting the wall as a toddler. She'd do it when she was having a tantrum, in a sort of rhythm. She's 32 now and no harm was done.

HopAndSkip · 18/02/2013 00:18

It sounds perfectly fine from these comments. There was 4 y/o at the nursery I used to work at who headbutted a lot. He had mild autism, I'm not sure that had anything to do with it or not, but it did improve slightly as he began to communicate clearer (his speech was quite delayed and a big struggle for him), so I think it was frustration in part from not being able to explain his side/his reasoning for doing something so on. So hopefully as your DS's language develops he won't feel the need to anymore He can just shout & scream at you what he wants instead

Morloth · 18/02/2013 01:02

DS2 was a headbutter.

He grew out of it at about 2.5.

Before then he had a permanently bruised forehead and I seriously considered keeping a helmet on him for extended periods.

ThatsNotMySock · 18/02/2013 01:24

Just to agree with previous posters, my ds1 was a terror for this, from about 15 months to 3yrs old It was frustration (he was a relatively late speaker) and just complete stubborness. It looked scary, it was awful to watch him go through, ignoring made it worse, it was a horrible time. But yes, hv agreed it was normal-ish, and he wouldn't damage himself (I am ashamed to say I didn't believe her as he did it so hard and so often) but he's now nearly 4, and very clever, bubbly, calm little man. When he was 3ish, we did a mood chart - we showed pics of emotions so he could point and say what he was feeling, even though he couldn't speak. We would also transport him to a big soft cushion/beanbag where he couldn't hurt himself. He can now say how he feels which helps him, but 15 months is too young for that. But yes, it was traumatic, so I know how you feel!

DS2 is also a head butter (sob) but not as often. He's 18 months and sounds a lot like your ds. We just pop him on the sofa and he'll grumble but calm down (DS1 would have leapt off the sofa and bashed his head off the nearest hard thing for ages, so ds2 feels like a dream )

It is just a phase, have some wine!

jojane · 18/02/2013 10:40

Hopefully this thread has shown you that you aren't alone, it's nothing to do with you as a parent and it will eventually pass! I used to get so worked up about ds1 doing it until a man came up to us in the supermarket with a teenager in tow when ds1 was on the floor head banging and said" my son used to do that, don't worry he will grow out of it" made me feel so much better

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