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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be miffed at..shitty present..

25 replies

Monstermama · 15/02/2013 01:33

DS is 3 and one of his little friends was 3 a few weeks ago. I got him a dvd and some play doh. Not expensive at all as I would never expect anyone to spend a fortune on a childs birthday gift. You can get something nice that does not break the bank.

DS friends mother gave DS a couple of dvds. How lovely I thought. On closer inspection that evening I realise that the dvds are clearly second hand, I suspect they are dvds that her kids no longer watch that she has not passed onto DS (they are all scratched with grubby finger marks all over them).

Now I assure you I am not materialistic at all, but I feel really weird about the whole situation. This family as certainly not short on cash either, but the mum is an odd sort at times. AIBU to feel so weird about this or should I just shut up and be grateful????

OP posts:

Original poster

Monstermama · 15/02/2013 01:34

she has passed on to DS

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2013 01:39

Oh ffs who gives a shit?

Really

He's 3...is it going to cause any long term damage?

How the fuck do you know whether this family aren't short of cash or whether they're putting on a 'brave face' to everyone else?

Just try your hardest to be grateful and touch wood that your 3 year old won't grow up to be concerned in the slightest by receiving a second hand prezzie.

makachu · 15/02/2013 01:44

Wow...she didn't have to give him anything at all and he's 3, he won't notice or care whether it's a new present. Yes YABU to feel weird about it. Actually, it's weird to feel weird about it. Maybe her kids came up with the idea themselves, who knows.

Boutdesouffle · 15/02/2013 05:20

YABU that you noticed, YABVU that you care

Boutdesouffle · 15/02/2013 05:21

And yes, you ARE very materialistic

beeny · 15/02/2013 05:26

She was rude not you

AbbyCat · 15/02/2013 05:37

I don't think yabu. I will happily buy second hand stuff for my dc and regift gifts that we have been given but wouldn't give a used thing unless it was in great condition m&s could pass as new. Was it tir sons bday? Or was it just that he had gone to their house and fallen in love with the DVD? If its the latter, then she is being very kind and generous and yabu!

AbbyCat · 15/02/2013 05:38

Wtf?? M&s?? Should be and!

Pinkflipflop · 15/02/2013 06:11

I think YANBU to be momentarily a little surprised about this! I think many people would think "I wanted a nice new present for my dc!" However just let it go, I honestly think that someone who gives second hand gifts must have money worries, no matter how they might portrait otherwise. Round here children go crazy for the £ shop, so you are right a few £ would buy a great gift. Remember a few £ is only 'nothing' if you have enough of them! If not and she if just being thoughtless, (don't think she is though) it's not worth your energy!

butterflyroom · 15/02/2013 06:30

Blimey! Guess I'm the only one to say I think YANBU. Of course it's a small thing really and there are much worse things in life but its not pleasant.

ceres · 15/02/2013 06:30

why should anyone be grateful for receiving a used and damaged item as a present?

i don't get this attitude that you must be grateful for receiving anything at all. if thought and effort has gone into something then yes, of course this should inspire gratitude. but to expect somebody to feel gratitude for something that has clearly been given without thought and effort is absurd.

yes, it is possible that the giver couldn't afford to buy a present and wanted to give something so did their best. however the fact the dvds had grubby finger marks on them suggests that the giver didn't put any effort into the giving of this particular present.

Isityouorme · 15/02/2013 06:32

The friend could have bought something new for a quid and made an effort rather than giving damaged goods. YANBU.

HecateWhoopass · 15/02/2013 06:35

I wouldn't mind about second hand, but finger marks and a scratched surface is not really on for a gift - even for a 3 year old . She could have cleaned it up a bit!

Do they play?

fluffyraggies · 15/02/2013 07:54

YANBU.
I don't think the OP's posting because she's worried about what her 3 year old will think about the present FGS.

(are you OP?)

When children are that small no, they don't much care what's in the present - it's just nice to have a present to open. The child's parent is going to see the present though aren't they?

I find it quite - odd - that someone would wrap up an obviously used thing and gift it in this way. You can pick up a toy in a pound shop. Or a book.

I wouldn't be
I'd be quite

There's nowt as queer as folk :)

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 15/02/2013 08:00

Yanbu. I wouldn't mind DS getting second hand DVDs if they were in useable condition but if they're all scratched then they're going to be useless. She might as well have given him dead mouse.

ladymariner · 15/02/2013 08:04

Yanbu to be a bit surprised by this, especially if the DVDs are grubby, but I think YABU if you say anything. It's not worth falling out over.

yaimee · 15/02/2013 08:05

I'm not sure that you can know that the family isn't short of money, people work hard to keep up appearances. i'd just smile and say thank you, your ds will have no idea where they came from and probably be delighted with them!

lottiegarbanzo · 15/02/2013 08:07

Maybe something came up and she ran out of time to go out and buy a gift, so wrapped something she had instead. She could feel embarrassed about it, hence not mentioning it and just hoping your ds is happy with them.

MortifiedAdams · 15/02/2013 08:11

Friends and family.members have sometimes passed on their dcs books/toys/dvds and I always say to them that they should wrap it uo for their next birthday/xmas. YABU.

valiumredhead · 15/02/2013 08:20

Used things - fine in my book but clean them first!

DeWe · 15/02/2013 09:39

I don't think you can necessarily tell who is short of cash even if they say they are/are not.

I know people who act as though they're rolling in it, but if there was a party at the end of their working month might well think up an excuse why they couldn't go because they don't have the money to buy a present-they wouldn't say that's the reason to the party person.

And the other way as well, I'm sure there were people who thought my family growing up was very cash poor. Dp would never go to a named shop for clothes, it was second hand, homemade or market stuff and other things like that. (remembers occasions where I turned up in the market cheap version of what everyone else was wearing) However there would have always been money to buy things like a present for parties.

And even a family who is generally well off may have a blip one month-car goes wrong, window broken playing ball and the boiler gives up.

DeWe · 15/02/2013 09:40

Dp-Dparents not Dpartner.

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2013 09:42

It doesn't actually matter, but it is odd.

frustratedworkingmum · 15/02/2013 09:45

maybe she doesn't have the money to go and buy something for your DS???

You sound charming!

Sometimes i have money at the times of bdays, if i do then i buy a nice present (reasonable spend, i wont spend more than £10) but i have been known to give cheapo presents when i have been skint, you know, because its the thought that counts!!

LessMissAbs · 15/02/2013 09:45

So many things like DVDs get watched once or twice, then never used again. I like the recycling of resources in this way. Theres also a recession on, if you hadn't noticed. Yes the fingermarks are a bit ick, but perhaps she meant to wipe them off and didn't have time. But in the grand scheme of things, who cares? Its hardly going to affect anyone. Are 3 yos really going to notice this? Which boils down to it all being about you and wanting to be impressed and keeping up appearances.

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