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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Think Redundancy

50 replies

lazybastard · 08/02/2013 06:49

Is hard enough to deal with without people thinking it gives them the right to treat you like dirt? Worse still think they can treat your children like dirt.

OP posts:
meditrina · 08/02/2013 06:53

Are you OK?

What's been going on?

Original poster
lazybastard · 08/02/2013 07:10

People I thought were friends are now blanking me in the street, defriended me and blocked me on FB. Disclaimer I've avoided speaking about redundancy on FB.

Another Mum has told their child to stop playing with dd because she doesn't want her associating with 'free school meal brats'.

I've been called lazy, a scrounger, stupid. I'm having a bad day and the stress is getting to me.

OP posts:
foslady · 08/02/2013 09:27

Until you've been made redundant, you don't know how shit it is - they're shallow twats who but for the grace of God could be in your situation. You have my sympathy OP you deserve better 'friends'

TroublesomeEx · 08/02/2013 09:32

You have my sympathy too. How ridiculous some people are!

On an intellectual level, you have to remember that people behave like this because they convince themselves that things like redundancy and benefits only happen to other people, people who are lazy, people who deserve it. When the truth is, it can happen to anyone. And when it does, it brings it a little bit closer to their door. Which means they have to make those assumptions about you, or it could just as easily happen to them... When of course, it could.

On an emotional level, you really do deserve better friends!

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 08/02/2013 10:03

Wow. That is appalling. I never experienced this when I was made redundant. Poor you.

Well I wouldn't want me or my kids to be friends with people like this. Easier said than done I know.

Stay strong. YANBU

diaimchlo · 08/02/2013 10:39

You have my sympathy and empathy. I agree totally with everything FolkGirl has said.

My son-in-Law is being made redundant from the Army this year, an employment that a couple of years ago you would have taken as being for life. So my comments to the acquaintances, they were certainly not friends and the bigoted mother would be "There for the Grace of God go you"....

Please execpt a big HUG from me xx

kalidanger · 08/02/2013 10:42

Golly, that's awful OP. when I was made redundant I got nothing but sympathy from friends, family, acquaintances and strangers!

I can't really wrap my head around why people would be so horrible to you..?

FellatioNels0n · 08/02/2013 10:42

Are you serious? All of that just because you/your DP have been made redundant? Is there more that you are not telling us? It seems to be a ridiculous over-reaction and very nasty behaviour indeed. And from more than one person? Confused Something doesn't sound right to me.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/02/2013 10:45

That all sounds very strange OP, not to mention upsetting.

DH has been made redundant a couple of times but we have never experienced any ill-feeling from anyone in relation to it.

Could anything else have happened? Did the other Mum actually use the phrase 'free school meal brats'??

RedPencils · 08/02/2013 10:47

Really? You need some new friends. I had nothing but sympathy when I was made redundant.

As others have said, it can happen to anyone.

FunnysInLaJardin · 08/02/2013 10:50

sounds awful OP, but I sort of know what you mean. I was made redundant and one of my closest friends said about some redundancies at her firm that 'they were just sorting the wheat from the chaff'. And I thought so that is what you think of me then! She later got made redundant herself which made her change her tune rather! And made me think, serves you right

Trills · 08/02/2013 10:51

It seems you didn't have very good friends... I can't imagine anyone I have ever met behaving in this manner, let alone anyone I would call a "friend".

dreamingofsun · 08/02/2013 10:54

lots of people i work with have been made redundant. its an occupational hazard and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

they are showing their ignorance and stupidity.

I assume you are applying for other jobs. so how on earth someone can complain that you are lazy is just plain stupid and ignorant.

ignore them. they weren't really friends.

good luck with your hunting. lots of people i know have ended up with better jobs as result.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/02/2013 10:59

Really? You know some strange people.

Redundancy is a normal part of working life, especially in the private sector. Businesses overstretch, fall victim to recession, people are made redundant. It's happened to many people I know, especially in jobs relating to construction. They've all found other jobs, not necessarily ideal ones at first but they've climbed back.

It's happened to me once. I do always say 'the role was made redundant (by external circumstances)', which it was, not 'I was made redundant' and I do correct people who say the latter - petty but words inform thinking and some people don't really understand the difference between redundancy and being sacked, so I want to dispel any idea that it was about my performance.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/02/2013 11:07

Also, it's an irritating cliche when others say it but can be true, so how about responding with 'oh, I see it as an opportunity, it's really quite exciting, being able to step back and reassess what I really want to do. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut, isn't it?'.

CloudsAndTrees · 08/02/2013 11:11

Are you sure this is a result of your redundancy?

I have been made redundant and so have enough people that I am close to. I've never known of experiences like this as a result of redundancy.

FellatioNels0n · 08/02/2013 11:12

Sometimes people are sacked for being a bit rubbish, or just wrong for the job, or for not being the right fit politically, with the layer of management above them - too many differences of opinion on policy/direction. The official line is that it is redundancy, but it usually isn't.

Sometimes it can be sorting the wheat from the chaff. Sometimes, in times of recession and belt-tightening a company needs to streamline and it will use the opportunity to get rid of dead wood that it has been 'carrying' and tolerating through the boom years. But when times are hard no-one gets a free ride.

Other times it really does not matter how fabulous you are. Either the company is in huge trouble and has to get rid of tons of people/everyone, or they are re-structuring, relocating, or have been taken over and no-one needs two head of HR or two FDs or whatever. It sucks but it's life, and almost everyone I know at all levels of seniority has had it happen to them at least once.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/02/2013 11:37

"People I thought were friends are now blanking me in the street, defriended me and blocked me on FB. Disclaimer I've avoided speaking about redundancy on FB."
This is very weird behaviour on the part of these people. Very weird. If it were happening to me, I would not connect their behaviour to my redundancy, it's just not what I would expect (sympathy). Is it possible that there is something else going on that you don't know about? Is someone spreading a malicious rumour, e.g. that you weren't made redundant but were sacked for gross misconduct? Or something entirely unconnected with working? Is there a link (person, activity, placer) between the people involved?

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/02/2013 11:39

placer Doh!

ibizagirl · 08/02/2013 12:16

Sorry to hear that OP. The so-called friends of yours are not real friends at all are they? They are idiots. My mum has just been given 8 weeks notice on her evening job. The people there are on £40,000 and some are really devastated as they have quite big mortgages etc. Some of the younger people have found jobs but the ones in their 40's or older can't find anything, especially with the kind of money that they have been on. You have my sympathies and good luck xx

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 08/02/2013 12:17

Good point ^

Glittertwins · 08/02/2013 12:43

Nothing like this happened to either DH or myself. I wouldn't like to live where you do if this is said.

PessaryPam · 08/02/2013 13:55

"Free school meal brats"? Surely not. Is this the only reason they have fallen out with you? Please tell us where you live so we can all avoid the people who live there!

TapirBackRider · 08/02/2013 14:07

I'm so sorry to hear this OP

Some people really are shallow arseholes & have swallowed the propaganda that the politicians have been throwing out recently. I was made redundant last August, with 7 days notice. It hurts enough without people acting like this, or others thinking that they can't just be behaving like this without something other reason.

Hope that things improve on the job front for you quickly.

FellatioNels0n · 08/02/2013 16:05

Where is the OP? Confused I think something is not quite right here.

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