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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline a holiday with long term friends?

33 replies

Imsosorryalan · 07/02/2013 21:26

We have known this couple for about 6 years and we happen to have dcs of similar ages.

They have suggested holidaying together in the summer. While I can see the benefits...babysitting in eve and company for kids etc. their parenting style is totally different to ours. We like routines of naps and bed times etc whereas they are more go with the flow types. It isnt unusual for their kids to still be up until 11ish or wake in the night lots. Also, their kids are much more 'lively' than ours are seem hard work at times.

My dh is keen but I'm not so sure. Wll it work? We will have two cars so could 'get away' if needed. I'm just worried that I'll spend my one holiday a year being stressed and exhausted.

OP posts:
Scootee · 07/02/2013 21:29

I would decline. A holiday like that could break the friendship for good.

Ponderingonaquandry · 07/02/2013 21:29

Give it a go. Your parenting styles may rub off on each other and make you into more middle ground parents on both sides. Never know until you try it.

BillyBollyDandy · 07/02/2013 21:30

We did this, all had seperate gites, did seperate stuff in the day but we all had company of an evening. Made a huge difference hving your own space.

Snazzynewyear · 07/02/2013 21:30

Holidaying with others can be stressful so think carefully about it. I would be cautious if you think you will be drawn into spending your time in a way you're not happy with. Are they suggesting you all share accommodation, or get your own accommodation but at the same place?

theoriginalandbestrookie · 07/02/2013 21:32

No - you had me at the "its not unusual for their kids to be still up until 11ish". Nothing worse than settling down for some relaxed adult times with other peoples DCs up until you go to bed.

SanityClause · 07/02/2013 21:34

Sounds like a nightmare.

Your DC won't want to go to bed while theirs are still awake, then they'll be grouchy all day due to lack of sleep. it's usually quite difficult to factor in naps on holiday, anyway, IME.

No wonder their DC are "lively" if they don't get enough sleep.

I would suggest if you want to stay friends with them, don't go!

Bingdweller · 07/02/2013 21:34

Can you go for a fortnight but overlap one of the weeks? Best of both worlds and all that!

breatheslowly · 07/02/2013 21:34

I hate holidaying with other people. We've tried it and I now just decline.

BigSilky · 07/02/2013 21:37

If you're worried about it already it's not a good sign. If it's the one chance to get away, don't stress out about it before you go. YANBU.

HollyBerryBush · 07/02/2013 21:43

ummmm only if it is the same resort but different hotels - that gives you enough distance

Uppermid · 07/02/2013 21:45

Don't do it!

We have gone on holiday with friends for the last four years and have really enjoyed it, however we have similar parenting styles and it worked.

Previously have been on holiday with another family, different styles, it was horrendous, really damaged the friendship for quite a while.

We have some great friends that we would never dream of going on holiday with.

AlwaysWashing · 07/02/2013 21:55

Decline!
Two of our sets of friends have just been away together, having asked us to go too and although they have returned friends it sounded like it was pretty testing at times. They both have similar parenting styles which are quite different to ours.
We didn't go because we couldn't afford it right now but I would be inclined not to go in the future either as to not jeopardise a great friendship due to parenting issues/behaviour etc (which are much easier to manage at home when you're not in each other pockets).

whois · 07/02/2013 21:57

Different parenting styles and no adult time until past 11? Fuck that!

Maybe if you get two apartments in the same place or something, but not where you living space is shared.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 07/02/2013 21:59

Maybe just for a weekend?!

shrimponastick · 07/02/2013 22:00

I wouldn't go, given that you have such different parenting styles.
I have fallen out with friends after holidaying togther.

Unless as others say an apartment/hotel each in the same resort,. That would give you sufficient space.

But in the same house ??
No.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/02/2013 22:02

I wouldn't go. Without relaxed, adult only evenings it will not be much of a holiday!

WilsonFrickett · 07/02/2013 22:03

Going to the same place has worked brilliantly for us in the past. But neither of us would be comfortable sharing our space 24/7 with other people's children. Holidays are precious times.

Original poster
Imsosorryalan · 07/02/2013 22:04

Hmm food for thought, no their relatives have a holiday house so it would be sharing that. I think dh is keen as it means not paying for accommodation!

It would also mean either our dcs sharing our room or, as they have suggested, lumping all the children in the third bedroom! I can't see mine getting any sleep at all. Oh, all our dcs are under 6.

OP posts:
DisappointedHorse · 07/02/2013 22:11

I did it once and will never do it again.

We went with good friends with pretty similar parenting styles. What I hadn't realised was that every time the weather was crap, my friend would sulk to the point of anger. It pissed it down for a week and it was like walking on eggshells.

They went home early and it was only then we enjoyed ourselves.

irishchic · 07/02/2013 22:11

After reading your last post there OP I have to say that sounds like a recipe for disaster, dont do it, that would not be a holiday at all!

deXavia · 07/02/2013 22:18

Never ever ever - we went with a family we'd know for years for a week. She loud parented the whole week, my DS thought this provided the perfect audience (wow a running commentary of my behaviour! Cool!) turned into the child from hell, which led to evenings sat being given parenting tips.
The kids had a ball whilst the adults barely ended up on speaking terms. There isn't enough love, money or booze in the world to make me do that again!

AnyFucker · 07/02/2013 22:19

Noooooooooooo

Snazzynewyear · 07/02/2013 22:28

Now I've read your latest post - definitely not! Your dc won't sleep and neither will you. Plus you are tied to going to the place they know. It's not worth the money you will save, honestly.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 07/02/2013 22:44

Ha Ha Ha. They want your DCs to share a room with their hyperactive non sleeping kids. Not a chance.

We go away with two families, we all get on well because we have ironed out the niggles, but their children are poor sleepers as they don't share rooms at home and on our last holiday were frequently up until I went to bed (around 11) because they couldn't sleep/ were annoying each other etc etc. Now imagine how much fun it would be with your DCs in the same room as them.

Don't do it - a week is a long time.

ballstoit · 07/02/2013 22:44

Was going to say no anyway, but with the addition of it being 'their' holiday home and you tagging along I'm with AnyFucker...noooooooooooo

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