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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to change GP because she's a School Mum?

42 replies

penelopepissstop · 05/02/2013 17:55

Earlier, I had a filthy, deliberately pointed look from a school Mum which wouldn't worry me apart from the fact she's one of the GP's at my practice.

She was always friendly and nice until recently. I barely know the woman but she has treated my DS a few times.

I wouldn't think anything of it but there's definitely a change - she looks right through me, doesn't smile or say hello if we pass anymore. I'm a decent human being, I'm not a shouty rude patient and I've previously had pleasant conversations with her. The other GP was also a school Mum until she moved her kids. She was in with a clique of ladies I didn't like, one was a proper tyrant but I always considered her a good GP and figured the two situations wouldn't really cause any problems.

If I wasn't right in the middle of a medical situation, I'd move tomorrow but wondered what would you do? I don't relish that she knows personal information about me now I come to think of it...

Of course, it may be nothing other than she thinks I'm a knob and that's fine - it's just uncomfortable....

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 05/02/2013 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TarkaTheOtter · 05/02/2013 18:02

If there's another gp at the surgery, or another local surgery I'd change. You need to be able to trust and feel confident with your gp. Changing is not a big deal.

CloudsAndTrees · 05/02/2013 18:03

It depends what your practice is like and how big it is.

There are a couple of GPs at my surgery who I vaguely know through other people or lock community things, and it doesn't bother me to be treated by them because they are lovely. If it was a school mum, I might feel more uncomfortable, but wouldn't worry if I could request different doctors easily, which you can at my surgery.

I don't think I'd want to be treated or have my family treated directly by someone I regularly saw on the school run.

Watto1 · 05/02/2013 18:04

It would be more than her job is worth to disclose any medical information about you/your DC. She would be struck off. So I wouldn't worry about that. As long as she is professional when you see her in her capacity as a GP, I would ignore any 'looks' in the playground. Easier said than done I know.

HollyBerryBush · 05/02/2013 18:05

Perhaps she only mixes with parents who aren't at her surgery? and is deliberately distancing herself from you, as a patient?

LadyMargolotta · 05/02/2013 18:08

YANBU. Do you live in a small community? I live in a fairly small community and didn't apply to a local health centre as I would know too many of the patients, and they may feel uncomfortable with me knowing their medical history.

All the GPs etc in the practise come from outside of the community precisely for this reason.

Original poster

penelopepissstop · 05/02/2013 18:26

Euphemia, I don't think it's that to be honest. I get on with most people on a general level.
Thanks all, especially for the reassurance she can't discuss my medical history. It just feels cringingly awkward all of a sudden. I'm not in a small community, but the school is quite close knit. There are two other GP's I can see and have actually done that for years but when it's an appointment for DC I take the first I can and the School Mums are often easier to get an appt. with.

I just need a timely GP move for the whole family. That way I will stop thinking about it. Thanks all.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/02/2013 18:30

My Mum is a GP.

I think she is distancing herself from you. Which is only sensible when people seem to think that Drs go around discussing their patients in detail with whoever they bump into in the supermarket...

NorthernLurker · 05/02/2013 18:36

I'm confused - she's giving you filthy looks AND looking straight through you? Are you sure you've read this right? Sounds to me like she will be trying to ensure professional distance and you're interpreting that as hostility?

Lovelygoldboots · 05/02/2013 19:30

My GP was a school Dad, he lives in the same village as me and my DP has done loads of work at his house. His son has left now but I used to see him at the school gate. He knew everything about me and seen me through three pregnancies and depression. He always said hello and was quite friendly. I don't think basic politeness should go out of the window but as everyone knows, the school gate is a minefield.

MummytoKatie · 05/02/2013 20:49

My best friend is a GP and she purposely lives 30 mins drive from her practice to avoid this sort of thing. (Also she likes inner city deprived area medicine but has no desire to live there!) To be honest I thought that was the established practice.

Speedos · 05/02/2013 20:56

I posted a similar situation not long ago and a lot of people called me weird for feeling uncomfortable seeing my GP every day on the school run (the most recent appt I'd had with her before I knew ours kids were at the same school was about abnormal vaginal bleeding!)

Now I do still take the kids to see her but see another GP for my own appts.

Original poster

penelopepissstop · 05/02/2013 21:06

Speedos, that's exactly it - I just think about some of the stuff I've discussed that will be on my files and she can see it. That makes me a bit freaked but I guess they're used to knowing stuff. It's just a recent shift in attitude. If she's trying to be a professional well, it never worried her before! Last time she saw DS she was lovely....gawd knows!

It's prob a school Mum thing and not a Doctor thing but still, she had just waved to the lady next to me and then shot me the killer l

OP posts:

Original poster

penelopepissstop · 05/02/2013 21:09

Oops, hit post!

Shot me the killer look...it really was odd. Still, at least I know not to be a bumbling Labrador trying to say hi in future...

OP posts:

Speedos · 05/02/2013 21:13

I think I noticed I slight change in her when I started seeing the other GP so wasn't sure if it had annoyed her. But last time I took one of the kids in I commented how difficult it is to get an appt with her (which it is), she was ok thar visit.

I actually haven't seen her much this school year because of where my son's classroom is but for all I know next year I could see her everyday!

VinegarDrinker · 05/02/2013 21:14

I would agree with those who say she is probably keeping her distance because you are a patient. Maybe she didn't realise before. If she was being unprofessional in any way or ignoring you/being rude when you were in the surgery with your child/ren I'd change but otherwise I'm not sure of the problem. You seem to be reading a lot into a lack of "hello" in the playground.

VinegarDrinker · 05/02/2013 21:16

I seriously think you are overthinking this! She is just a vague acquaintance from the school gates from what you say. Who gave you a "killer" look once, which could have been something or nothing.

TomArchersSausage · 05/02/2013 21:23

Not sure about the funny looks. Maybe she is, maybe you are misinterpreting, but I wouldn't feel comfortable about my gp being one of the mums I saw every day in the playground.

I would prefer some distance.

Original poster

penelopepissstop · 05/02/2013 21:23

It's a horrible feeling as I've told the doctor worries and stuff I wouldn't even tell my DP. Above, someone pointed out you have to trust and feel confident with your GP so I'm going to have to move. I just don't need to feel like crap because of 'a l

OP posts:

Original poster

penelopepissstop · 05/02/2013 21:28

This phone - my fingers!
I just wouldn't have cared if anyone else had looked at me like that. The GP's I see have seen me at my most worried and most vulnerable. I am so glad that people here have pointed out that most GPs work half an hour or so away from their communities. This situation must be pretty exceptional. I can't believe I haven't moved earlier thinking about it.

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts.

OP posts:

Arithmeticulous · 05/02/2013 21:30

I'd get a new GP.

In fact I might have to... I was stuck in a huge traffic queue this morning and was blocked in by a guy stopping in front of me as I tried to turn right. I was showing him the finger when I realised where I knew him from

VinegarDrinker · 05/02/2013 21:31

Er, no it's not uncommon at all. Pretty much any rural community will have a Dr who is also a local parent, who you bump into in the shops, exercise with etc etc.

I live in the middle of the inner city and my GP is a friend of my MiL!

You should have confidence in your GP but to have suddenly lost that because of one glance seems quite OTT.

lancaster · 05/02/2013 21:38

Not unreasoanable at all, I wouldn't want to work near where I live because I like to keep work and rest of life separate.

PacificDogwood · 05/02/2013 21:47

I am a GP, live in the same town I work in and have kids at the local school. Many of our patients also have children at the same school, so similar situation to yours, but I am at the other end of it.

In all honesty, I cannot remember who said what to me, when, how or why - maybe I am just crap but there is not enough headspace to have it all present when I see somebody.
Some of the school parents/patients are also friends, most are not.

A colleague of mine moved because he felt uncomfortable with patients asking him things when he was on the school run/in the local supermarket/walking his dog. I have not found this to be a problem, but also do not mind if people ask me something medial when they happen to see me.

I don't think that there is a right or wrong about it, other than that if you are not comfortable then yes, maybe you should consider changing if/when you can.

And yy confidentiality is vital - I would never discuss anything with anybody, really goes without saying.

motherinferior · 05/02/2013 21:51

I've seen my GP at the school gates and dropped in at her place to pick up DD1 for years now. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. I don't get out much.

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