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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was an odd response from DH?

19 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 02/02/2013 17:42

DS2 is 4 months old & I have said no more children. DH would like more. I use a cycle tracker app & according to that I'm 2 days late but I haven't given it much thought as I figure my cycle won't have settled down yet.

However when I mentioned it to DH all he said was 'what would you do if you were?', not 'you can't be' or similar that I would expect him to reply. He grinned as well. We've been using condoms but now I'm getting paranoid that he's sabotaging them as he wants another baby.

Am I being a silly sleep deprived idiot?

OP posts:

BambieO · 02/02/2013 17:47

Oh gosh! No suggestions but that would worry me too!

BambieO · 02/02/2013 17:47

Would it be something he would even contemplate doing knowing your feelings?

Hassled · 02/02/2013 17:48

If you're absolutely sure you don't want any more I'd use a second form of contraception if I were you.

But if he's sabotaging condoms he'd have to be a complete bastard - is he? Do you generally have trust issues/other problems?

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 02/02/2013 17:49

Well you know the man, is that likely to be something he would do?

Sugarice · 02/02/2013 17:49

There's a thread in relationships about a similar scenario.

Read it and make it clear to your dh 2 is enough for you.

NoTeaForMe · 02/02/2013 17:52

I wouldn't think much to be honest, but then I trust that my husband would never do anything as horrendous as trick me into a pregnancy he knew I didn't want. If your first thought is that he's somehow sabotaged the condoms then you need to work on the clear trust issues in the relationship.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/02/2013 17:54

I want another, DH doesn't. I am in charge of contraception. There is no way in the world I would sabotage. Is your relationship like ours or do you have cause to be concerned?

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 02/02/2013 17:55

I'm sure he wouldn't but my poor sleep deprived brain is making all sorts of things imaginable. Plus I think I'm so scared of being pregnant again I'm worrying about all sorts. It's just he reacted in a way that I wouldn't have expected from him. And obviously condoms aren't 100% effective so I'd never know if it happened due to him or not, we'd just have to get on with it.

I keep meaning to get an appointment to get the coil fitted but haven't yet. I think once AF arrives this will spur me on.

OP posts:

hurricanewyn · 02/02/2013 17:59

Maybe he's just a bit hopeful about the thought of a contraceptive failure? I wouldn't jump straight to the conclusion of sabotage - condoms are only 92% effective with perfect use & 88% with typical use, so an unexpected pregnancy wouldn't be unheard of.

If you're certain you're done, maybe think about using another form of contraception? Maybe the copper coil if you don't fancy the hormones.

hurricanewyn · 02/02/2013 18:00

Oops xpost

mynewpassion · 02/02/2013 18:03

I think its your response to him that is odd. The first thing you think about is did he sabotage the condoms.

If you are late, there might be a chance that you are pregnant. Him asking what you want to do if you are is a good question to ask as you seem adamant about not having another child.

OrangeLily · 02/02/2013 18:04

Not that odd. I seriously doubt he's sabotaging anything unless you have other relationship problems.

Iv had a few scares along the way when I definitely did not want a baby but I was still a little bit gutted to not be pregnant. I think it's a pretty natural need to breed no matter what your brain tells you IMO.

Original poster

MrsHelsBels74 · 02/02/2013 18:06

I suppose it is a sensible question, I guess I was surprised that he didn't seem the least bit surprised. I'd have expected a shocked look first, before thinking about the practicalities.

Honestly having written it down here, the idea of him sabotaging the condoms is ridiculous.

OP posts:

PurpleStorm · 02/02/2013 18:07

It's more likely that he's just hopeful that the contraception's failed, than that he's sabotaged the condoms.

As hurricanewyn pointed out, they're not 100% reliable even if used perfectly.

ScarletLady02 · 02/02/2013 18:11

Maybe because he wants another he was excited by the possibility when you mentioned it?

You know him though, do you really think he's capable of such a betrayal?

SkinnybitchWannabe · 02/02/2013 18:21

If you don't want anymore babies get another form of contraception.

MikeLitoris · 02/02/2013 18:25

My dp would react exactly as yours did. Seems like a normal reaction for someone that would be happy to have another.

McNewPants2013 · 02/02/2013 18:32

If he is breaking the condoms before sex it is sexual assult, if DH did this the relationship would be over and the police involved.

OutragedFromLeeds · 02/02/2013 18:44

I think it sounds pretty normal tbh.

Maybe he was hoping it'd change your mind, sometimes a pregnancy scare does that.

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