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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For being cross with my neighbour

28 replies

NoTeaForMe · 01/02/2013 13:32

I think you're all going to say I am but...

I am a SAHM with a 2 year old and pregnant with second. My neighbour doesn't work but is often out. I sometimes take parcels in from the postman for her and other neighbours, if I'm in I don't mind that at all, of course I don't. However, the postman has just been with a parcel for her saying there is a note on her door saying if she's not in they should bring it to me. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed that she didn't even ask me and just presumed? not helped by the fact that the postman rang the doorbell twice in quick succession and my toddler has just gone down for her nap!

OP posts:

manicbmc · 01/02/2013 13:34

YABU, it's their policy now that they will try to leave it with neighbours anyway, instead of taking it back to the depot (unless you opt out on the royal mail site)

Take it as a compliment that this neighbour trusts you with her stuff.

Original poster

NoTeaForMe · 01/02/2013 13:38

I'm not cross about taking her parcels in general just cross that she left a note without asking me or mentioning it to me first, that's all.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/02/2013 13:42

It could be that they left one last time with a neighbour she doesn't trust.

And rather than leave a note saying, "Please don't leave parcels at (insert door number)" she chose to do it this way?

Pancakeflipper · 01/02/2013 13:48

It wouldn't bother me. But I like my neighbours and pretty good relationship with them. I wouldn't see it as being put upon but helping out.

Though I owe one lot of neighbours big time cos' my nursing rocking chair was delivered unexpectedly early and they took the chair into their hallway and couldn't get out of their front door again for the rest of the day.

missrlr · 01/02/2013 13:53

If you have done this in the past without prior knowledge what is the problem now?

She clearly trusts you (and possibly the fact you are likely to be in)

If you don't want to do this any more just refuse to take the goods!

chicaguapa · 01/02/2013 13:58

Funnily enough, our postman won't leave parcels with a neighbour and says we have to leave a note on the door authorising them to do so. And we haven't yet because we think it would be rude to explicitly ask them to do that without speaking to the neighbours first.

So YANBU to be a bit miffed about it. But it's not enough to fume over. HTH.

Original poster

NoTeaForMe · 01/02/2013 13:58

I'm obviously just being grumpy! She's fine, we're just neighbours-she lives a few doors down technically! But she's fine though she does like to talk and you can't just give her the parcel, there's always a 10min chat about nothing first! Like I said I don't mind taking parcels in for her, it was the note that bothered me. I might blame pregnancy hormones for being grumpy...does that work?!

OP posts:

Original poster

NoTeaForMe · 01/02/2013 13:59

chica I'm not fuming, just a bit miffed! But I feel the same as you, it's just rude!

OP posts:

Zalen · 01/02/2013 14:06

No YANBU and I absolutely agree with you, there is a big difference between hoping your neighbours will accept a parcel if it is necessary and actually placing a notice on your door directing delivery men to someone else's home without even having the courtesy of asking them first if they would be alright with that.

MolehillAlchemy · 01/02/2013 14:09

I'd be a bit miffed. She's made an arrangement with Postie without even a thought as whether or how impractical it is for you. Now you will be the only neighbour with whom her parcels will be left.

I take parcels in for neighbours, but sometimes it's very inconvenient. If I'm down the garden covered in mud and have to traipse through the house when the door bell goes, or if I'm in the loo (particularly annoying!) or the bath, or in the middle of administering medicine to a resistant animal, or at a critical stage with some cooking.

The presumption is the rude bit I think.

WMDinthekitchen · 01/02/2013 14:13

I would be happy with that but I get on well with all my neighbours and they take in parcels for me, too.

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2013 14:32

Still wouldn't have hurt to have asked, though, would it?

Common courtesy and all that.

Original poster

NoTeaForMe · 01/02/2013 14:33

OK, so a couple of people agree and can see where I'm coming from-not totally unreasonable then! Phew! I know most of you don't agree!

At the risk of sounding like a broken record-it's not the taking in of the parcel that bothered me it's the note and presumption, she could have mentioned it/asked me, that's all!

OP posts:

diddl · 01/02/2013 14:36

YANBU-it wouldn´t hurt to have asked, would it?

Besides, if they generally bring it to you anyway, why leave a note advertising that she´s out??

Crinkle77 · 01/02/2013 14:37

She should have checked with you first

rainbowrainbowrainbow · 01/02/2013 14:39

I think she should have asked you first, good manners dictate that imo. I don't think yabu at all

diddl · 01/02/2013 14:40

When you´re frazzled with a new baby & toddler, perhaps you can return the compliment...

wineandroses · 01/02/2013 14:58

YANBU, her presumption is rude. I suppose the question is, are you bothered enough to have a word with her? If you do, then she will probably think you don't want to accept parcels (bit difficult to say"I don't mind, but you could have asked" if you don't know her that well; she'll just think you're a moaning-minny), and she won't reciprocate for you in future.

You could simply put a note on your own door, on those days when it isn't convenient to answer the door to the postman, reading "we do not accept parcels for other houses", and on days when you don't mind, you can take in parcels (though feeling free to say - No, if the parcel is too large). Also, don't feel obliged to deliver them to her, she should collect them from you.

GoSuckEggs · 01/02/2013 15:25

i get where you are coming from, and it would annoy me also.

SpicyPear · 01/02/2013 15:29

I think YANBU and putting up a note without checking with you was crossing the line a bit. Should have popped round to check first.

Maybe she's had similar problems to me with large items being delivered to neighbours way down the street I've never met. Who rather than refuse it then dump it in my open porch

Original poster

NoTeaForMe · 01/02/2013 15:31

She has the parcel now-I didn't say anything, not worth it! She said, thanks and that she had to go to her sisters to wait for the phoneline engineer to arrive! Her parcel was a fast track, next day delivery so odd that she then arranged to be out!

OP posts:

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 01/02/2013 15:37

I just got home to a card saying a parcel had been left 'in bush by front door' I live on a busy road, no secure front garden, by a hospital near a school with public right of way by me door. no parcel

diddl · 01/02/2013 15:37

Of course, you don´t have to take the parcel even if she has left a note/the postie asks.

diddl · 01/02/2013 15:40

Oh Step-that´s awful.

Is there anything that you can do about it?

Ours are left in the garage or on the terrace out the back.

I told them some time ago that that was OK-so I suppose "on my head be it"-but if you´ve never agreed to that-surely they are liable?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 01/02/2013 17:28

well, I have e-mailed the shop I ordered from so will see what happens. seems such a daft thing for a courier to do when there is a locked wrought iron gate that it could be pushed through. Tim but dim must have been on duty today.

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