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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a 3 year old shouldn't do this?

39 replies

MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 08:50

My cousin has a 3 year old son and he's not terribly verbal yet but he's bright as anything and is a happy little creature.

At any gathering, he wanders about taking food from other people's plates. My cousin laughs and says "I can't stop him" but AIBU to think er...yes you can!

It's annoying and rude...my DD hates it as she's very particular and she doesn't like a snotty-handed 3 year old sticking his hand in her food!

I said "I think you need to tell him not to do that" after he'd done it for the umpteenth time the other day and she said "I can't stop him can I?"

Hmm

AIBU to think 3 is too old for this type of behaviour? ANd yes I probably AM being a bit judgy.

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 30/01/2013 08:54

Poor nephew. He's being steered into problems by your daft cousin. His behavior is completely reasonable for a child offered no boundaries. Have you asked your cousin why she feels utterly powerless in the face of such a small child?

I would tell him off myself (invites the wrath)

Callisto · 30/01/2013 08:55

I would be pretty revolted by a random grubby child sticking his fingers in my food. And as this is not something that I have ever seen other children do, then obviously your cousin could stop him if she wanted to.

CuriousMama · 30/01/2013 08:55

YANBU he'd never get away with that at nursery would he? Is he PFB by any chance?

Callisto · 30/01/2013 08:55

I would tell him off too, Art.

ArtVandelay · 30/01/2013 08:57

If his hands are snotty or dirty at the table that is also not his fault. An adult should have taken him to wash before the lunch started.

Alligatorpie · 30/01/2013 08:57

Why would she think this is ok? I would tell him to stop - absolutely not ok.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 08:57

Mama yes he is PFB. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 08:58

I have no idea why she is like this with him...she's intelligent and reasonable in every other way.

OP posts:
MrsBucketxx · 30/01/2013 08:59

my 16 month tried this and I told her no,

sounds like he has no boundaries.

N0tinmylife · 30/01/2013 09:00

It's going to be an awful lot of fun in their house as he grows up, if she can't stop him doing whatever he wants already! Poor kid is going to grow up mto be a nightmare!

CailinDana · 30/01/2013 09:02

YANBU. Poor child.

sparklyjumper · 30/01/2013 09:05

He should absolutely not be allowed to do this. Yes a 3 year old might try but an adult should step in and say no , explain, and remove him if necessary.

diddl · 30/01/2013 09:06

So no one else stops him either?

They all smile indulgently & say "awww!"??

Poor little thing.

How long until nursery/school?

She´s setting him up for a fall/shock!

anewyear · 30/01/2013 09:09

Id be telling him not to do that also, yuk..

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 30/01/2013 09:14

I've been wondering about this issue. My nephew is two and a half and tries the same thing. I always say firmly "No. AuntyAriel's food" and he wanders off again. But apparently my sister and BIL have not objection to him begging off their plates. It's clearly a toddler thing (Disclaimer: I have no children). I took a chip off his plate once just to see what would happen - predictably he went berserk, but it was my sister who annoyed me when she said to me "Never, EVER take food off a toddler's plate!" as though I had committed this awful sin that all parents know about.

It all seemed very odd to me and pissed me off enormously

Anyway, sorry for hijack.....

OP YANBU.

YouOldSlag · 30/01/2013 09:18

YANBU. Table manners can start early. She's setting herself up for a fall if she lets her 3yo think he is in charge.

My 3 yo is far from perfect but we give him lots of rules at the table and he never takes from the plates of others. It IS possible to train them at 3. They take in so much at that age. Your cousin is messing up here.

pigletmania · 30/01/2013 11:28

Yanbu I wuld not allow this behaviour from my ASD dd

nickelbabe · 30/01/2013 11:30

What would I do?

well, she can't stop the child from taking food from everyone else's plate, and she can't stop you taking food from plates either.

so next time they're round, take stuff from her plate. All the better if it's mash and you use your hands.
Do it every time her DS does it. she might start to get the message that it's not right.

wreckedone · 30/01/2013 11:32

I don't think it's acceptable from a 3yo. Although thinking back to my Grandma's 90th birthday party in September, when my lad was 16mo, he did wander round looking to see what was on people's plates, and was given food off several people's plates-at the time it didn't seem like a huge deal and he tried all sorts of different foods that he hadn't had before. I'm not sure I'd let him do the same even now though, 4 months on.

nickelbabe · 30/01/2013 11:32

haha i didn't see Ariel's post Grin

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 30/01/2013 11:44

YANBU it isn't acceptable behaviour, Of course his mum can stop him and she needs to before he starts school or he is going to be in trouble.

KC225 · 30/01/2013 11:46

one word: handcuffs

KellyElly · 30/01/2013 11:48

No three is not to old for this type of behaviour if it hasn't gone unchecked. It's the parents letting them do it. My DD would beg from anyone with cake/ice cream/sweets (add anything she loves) if I let her as they are a bit like puppies at that age Grin I don't let her so she doesn't even try.

BupcakesAndCunting · 30/01/2013 11:50

It's not that she can't stop him but rather that she can't be arsed to stop him.

YANBU.

sunshineandshowers · 30/01/2013 11:58

have you asked her why she feels so powerless?

have you explained a similar sitautoin that you might have solved by being assertive with a young child?

Does she have low self esteem.

Most people IMO are not lazy. they may have just had poor examples during their own childhood, or lack the education to research how to change or lack confidence to apply change.

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