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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder when exactly it gets 'easier'?

48 replies

BabiesNeedInstructions · 28/01/2013 06:26

Ds1 is 25mo, ds2 is 4mo. I know this is the difficult bit, and I know it could be worse - I have a supportive DH, parents nearby, not struggling for money. But ds1 is full of tantrums and super-clingy, and ds2 is, well, 4 months old....

So when did you feel you turned the corner and life got easier? I need something to aim for!

OP posts:

EMS23 · 28/01/2013 06:35

Mine are the same age (well 26m and 4m) and I've decided it will all magically fall into place on DD2's 1st birthday!
Am interested to see what others who've been through it and are out the other side say.

RillaBlythe · 28/01/2013 06:36

I think it's when your youngest child turns 3. I'm not there yet.

GlitterySkulls · 28/01/2013 06:38

my ds is almost 29 months, dd was 6 months at the weekend- it's only just starting to get easier now- tbh, i think i'm just getting used to it, & better at dealing with the tantrums, clinginess etc

i reckon once dd is up on her feet it'll be a whole different ball game!

WildRumpus · 28/01/2013 06:42

Swap you your 4 month old for my teething 7 month old! I think you will find your toddler gradually becomes more reasonable. I have a 3 and 5 year old and day to day things (eg standing on the side of the road until I say its safe to cross) get easier. But other stuff gets trickier. My 5 year old has been naughty at school for example - which is a whole new source of stress.

Vinomum · 28/01/2013 06:43

I have two DSs, aged 6 and 4. When my eldest started school and my youngest turned 3, life became about 200 times easier. You're at the hardest bit now OP I'd say.

WildRumpus · 28/01/2013 06:44

But yes - I would say 3 is generally a time when they become a little more co-operative.

AbbyCat · 28/01/2013 06:46

In the same boat! 22mo DS and 3mo dd... Dd is a complete dream. DS was a miserable baby and is a challenging toddler. If dd is as challenging as he is when she becomes a toddler, I think I may eBay away my ovaries along with all the other baby stuff I've been saving for the next one! I personally think it'll just get harder as dd grows up and does more than just feed, sleep and poo. Am definitely puting off weaning for as long as I can!

Joiningthegang · 28/01/2013 06:48

When they are all at primary school - that's when

HollyBerryBush · 28/01/2013 06:51

When they leave home?

MrsJamin · 28/01/2013 06:51

I have a 25m gap between my two boys and it got easier probably when DS2 was 1. The first year was v difficult indeed. However now DS2 is nearly 3, they get along so well as friends that I am glad they have a small age gap. They are a gang, a pair that I can't imagine with children of more than 3 yrs difference. It was definitely easier once ds1 went to preschool, it just gave everyone a break from being intensely 3 of us all day long.

Flossiechops · 28/01/2013 06:54

joiningthegang has it spot on imo! I had my 2 dc within a year of each other and the early years are like a blur now, I couldn't see the woods for the trees! Everything changed when they started primary school, they are now 8 & 9 and are fantastic. We have such lovely times together, although they still fight a lot.

BlueyDragon · 28/01/2013 06:55

I think it gets different, not easier (DCs are 6 and about to be 3). More mentally challenging and less physically challenging. I do remember how it feels with a toddler and a baby though, it's hard work but does start of feel better - for me, around when younger DC was sleeping through and also get a bit more interactive, so 6 months ish. But it does get better.

Smudging · 28/01/2013 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Margocat · 28/01/2013 07:01

Mine are 15 months apart and for us is got a lot easier when the youngest turned 2, but I think that is largely because that's when she finally starting sleeping through the night and everything is better when you aren't so exhausted.

They are now three and four and the eldest is in reception at school and it's certainly much easier having both of them on my own now.

It's hard to appreciate how special your time is with them now because its so tiring isn't it? Just take lots of photos as then you can look back rather than try to remember the haze!

How does your little one sleep? I imagine that's probably key to how you feel.

willowstar · 28/01/2013 07:06

My daughter is 3.4 and my son is a year old next week. This past year has been horrendous, the hardest thing I have ever been through and I am ashamed of my behaviour during it at times...however we have definitely turned a corner and it is much easier now. I would say 6 months on when he could sit up and eat a bit things started to slowly improve. He was waking 4 - 5 times a night until about 6 weeks ago which was a killer but he has started to only wake about twice so I am not so utterly shattered.

BooCanary · 28/01/2013 07:07

It was hardest when mine were similar ages to yours.

It has got a lot easier in the past few months (6yo and almost 4yo). We have actually had a few lie-ins and they entertain themselves a lot giving us a break.

However, on occasion they can be very mentally draining still iyswim. Almost 4yo is still prone to tantrums/over tiredness, and 6yo can be stroppy and just doesn't listen!

forevergreek · 28/01/2013 07:08

I think once the youngest can move about. It obviously brings its own challenges but a baby/ toddler who can crawl/ walk can get to what they want and not get so frustrated. One they are walking then trips to the park etc are better as they get worn out/ can join in.

So in about 6 months

EndoplasmicReticulum · 28/01/2013 07:09

I have a similar age gap. It didn't suddenly get easier all at once, but it gets progressively easier. So you don't really notice at the time, but if you look back....

There was a point with mine when I got them both napping at the same time after lunch - that helped. Then when smaller started sleeping all night, that helped too. But I think it only got noticeably easier when older one started nursery and then reception.

mnistooaddictive · 28/01/2013 07:13

I have a 20 month gap between my two so about the same as you. I would say it improves a little bit when the youngest is 6 months. Gets a bit worse when they are 9 months but gets a lot better at 1 year. My youngest is now 4 and it is great as they play together and love the same things. At 9 months I bought one of those play station things that they sit in surrounded by things to do (second hand from eBay) and that was the only thing that stopped dd2 crying whilst I cooked dinner. I later sold it on eBay for a profit so win win!

Iggly · 28/01/2013 07:18

When dd was 6 months it got marginally easier. By 1 it's now much easier (ds was 26 months when she was born).

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 28/01/2013 07:19

It happens in stages i think. So when they aren't getting you up in the night its a bit easier. When they don't need carrying everywhere. When they can eat without huge mess. When oldest starts nursery or school.

That's the stage Im at. Next September Im going to have them both at school! Having that larger lump off time to do other things will help me regain my sanity!

Unlike you i don't have family help and do have money problems, plus mental health issues so I've really struggled.

SantasHairyBollock · 28/01/2013 07:40

20month gap here, got sort of easier when youngest got to 2. When he started to be able to talk properly basically so he could intersct more with DD.

They are now 4.1 and 5.10 and thick as thieves. They do fight a lot but they also play together and plot/scheme together and are a little gang.
Once the youngest starts to sleep better makes it more bearable too, unfortunately that was also around 2

Groovee · 28/01/2013 07:49

I don't think it ever gets easier... the challenges change!

Midlifecrisisarefun · 28/01/2013 08:03

Like holly I would have said when they leave home, but now decided after a awful weekend not even then! your word is no longer law
Sorry to break it to you life is one long slog with lots of 'phases'

cupcake78 · 28/01/2013 08:07

First 3 years are very hard! I agree once you get your eldest to school and your youngest is past 3 it becomes easier.

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