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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Im your mother, there is nothing that could make me stop loving you" ....

85 replies

HollyBerryBush · 25/01/2013 20:47

...a line on one of those god awful Cartoon Network cartoons.

It made me think, is there anything that could stop you loving your child?

Mass murderer? serial killer? Would you still love them? visit them in prison? Drug addict? thief? consumate liar? killing a sibling?

Is there anything that would be the final line and no going back in your relationship with your child?

AIBU to ask what your deal breaker would be?

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 25/01/2013 20:49

Who knows really?

I don't think I could stop loving them though.

iusedtobefun2 · 25/01/2013 20:50

Don't think I could ever stop loving her.
I might not like things that she does, may even not like her sometimes but I will always love her.

fluffyraggies · 25/01/2013 20:50

is there anything that could stop you loving your child?

I tend to think not. Maybe i'm being naive? I hope i'll never have to find out.

brainonastick · 25/01/2013 20:52

No, I often say that I will always be their mum and always love them. It's true. Ok, there might be some extreme circumstances which might mean I would no longer see them or support them, but I would still love them. That's part of motherhood isn't it?

SquinkiesRule · 25/01/2013 20:53

I'll always love them all no matter what, I might not like them very much depending on what they are up to.

Mollie272 · 25/01/2013 20:53

I don't think so - can't imagine any scenario that would stop me loving mine - even if I hated what they'd done.

ReallyTired · 25/01/2013 20:54

"
AIBU to ask what your deal breaker would be? "

Me being murdered by my own child. Somehow I think that is unlikely.

andtheycalleditbunnylove · 25/01/2013 20:55

she's my baby, she came out of my tummy. its a quality no-one else has. i'm committed to loving her. and its easy. i'm not giving it up!

amazingmumof6 · 25/01/2013 20:55

stop me from loving them? - no, nothing, ever

stop me from liking them? - yes, loads of things, daily, mainly whining

report to police, cut off from money, throw out of house - yes, but after a lot of struggling and talks and trying to help first and it would have to be very serious and I pray to God I'll never have to deal with that sort of thing!

MusicalEndorphins · 25/01/2013 20:55

I think you'd still love them, but be horribly ashamed and broken hearted. I've wondered that when I read about murderers and so on, how the parents and other loved ones of the criminal must feel.

Original poster

HollyBerryBush · 25/01/2013 20:56

Me being murdered by my own child. Somehow I think that is unlikely.

I wonder what the statstics on that is?

I bet it isn't as rare as we might think!

OP posts:

NotSoNervous · 25/01/2013 20:56

I would always love my DC, if she did something terrible then we might not always get on/see each other, in extreme circumstances, but ill always love her

Tee2072 · 25/01/2013 20:57

No, I'll never stop loving him. I don't always like him or his behaviour, but I always love him.

Foggles · 25/01/2013 20:58

I can't imagine ever not loving my DC but the scenario about one sibling killing another is difficult.

I think my heart would just explode if something like that happened.

Nanny0gg · 25/01/2013 21:01

Oh I think there are circumstances.
if I'd been the mother of Ian Brady, Myra Hindley, Fred West etc, or some other dreadful criminal, then I think I could stop loving them.
If I ever stopped feeling guilty myself, that is.

Fakebook · 25/01/2013 21:05

Don't most serial killers have weird relationships with their mothers? The mothers are supposed to be really domineering and control freaks. I think some also abuse their children sexually and physically. I wonder if a mother like that would stop loving their child, or I wonder if they ever loved them in the first place?

Pollo · 25/01/2013 21:07

I love them, all of them. 'Tis a pity, oh such a pity that two of them no longer love me. Just have to keep going for the one who does.

NotGoodNotBad · 25/01/2013 21:19

Hard to say. Any such situation would be an extreme, and we rarely know how we will actually behave in extreme situations until they happen.

I've just finished reading We Need to Talk About Kevin, and I do think if I was his mother I wouldn't be visiting him in prison, unless it would give me the chance to bash his head in with a frying pan!

HopAndSkip · 25/01/2013 21:19

My mum says she has no feelings for me and my sister, and has done regularly since I can remember. (Often says she regrets having children, never bonded with us, that we ruined her life, that she doesn't understand how anyone could love us ...so on...)
Us and our dad are pretty sure she has some variant of mental illness though, as there have been a lot of "not quite there" and delusional/paranoid episodes from her over the years.
So I guess it's quite capable for a mum to stop loving, as apparently it was around the time we started getting some independence and going against what she wanted at around 5-6 that things started to escalate. According to my dad up until that point she was a doting-if somewhat obsessive mum.

differentnameforthis · 25/01/2013 21:32

In all honesty, I think that is a daft question to ask. Who on earth could even consider not loving their children.

PeachActiviaMinge · 25/01/2013 21:33

"On the average, about five parents are killed by their biological children in the United States every week."

" Killings of mothers and fathers each constitute about 1 percent of all homicides in the United States in which the victim-offender relationship is known."

Also seems your son is more likely to kill you for OP

I couldn't honestly answer your question though OP I can't imagine not loving my children but who knows what the future holds and what we could be driven to.

PeachActiviaMinge · 25/01/2013 21:35

"I've just finished reading We Need to Talk About Kevin, and I do think if I was his mother I wouldn't be visiting him in prison, unless it would give me the chance to bash his head in with a frying pan!"

Ah but the question raised in the book is "Nature or Nurture" imo. It certainly seems at point like she is contributing to what he ends up being.

MrsKoala · 25/01/2013 21:43

i remember reading about a teen who broke into a pet shop and tortured all the animals to death. i thought to myself, if that were my child i don't think i could love them anymore.

i have a son whom i love and would die for, but yes, i do think there are some things which are unforgivable.

Original poster

HollyBerryBush · 25/01/2013 21:45

I found the US statistics, but none seem to be published by the UK.

I think that is a daft question to ask. Who on earth could even consider not loving their children

Is it daft though? this board is full of broken relationships.

Something else popped into my head about DV, again statistics will be hard to dig out because it is a hidden subject, often not reported - but some of it is committed by children (male and female) against their parents, primarily the mother.

If itwas your partner slapping you about, you have the ability/option to disengage and leave - much more difficult if it is your child, regardless if they are 15 or 50 or you are dependent upon them in old age

OP posts:

Altinkum · 25/01/2013 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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